Dogs&Women

I can’t believe I’m going to get married. I know it’s not suicide but you don’t understand, I wasn’t the marriage type of guy two years ago. I was a completely different person, my name’s Jemmel by the way your average looking guy; well I wouldn’t say average like average; average. I’m twenty-six year old about six foot one, brown skin, nice smile baby face sort of guy. Listen to me I sound like I’m selling myself on some dating programme. Anyway back to what I was saying before; I was never raised like this, to love only one woman, no disrespect ladies; I mean my mum has always taught me to honour women, respect them and all that other stuff. But my boys and my big cousin taught me different, they made relationships and getting with different girls like a game, and if you played it right you won.

Let me take it back to the beginning, back to ‘95’. I’m my parents only child so I never had a big brother to show me how to do things like play football, to ride a bike or to teach me about girls but I had my big cousin Rodney. He’s two years older than me, and he’s so cool and I don’t mean cool in a cheesy way... I mean cool. Everything he did or does is so laid back and he’s always so chilled about things. But don’t get it messed up he’s a thug, he doesn’t look scary or anything he looks like a nice guy. But he has a hard presence about him so people know not to mess with him; that’s why I wanted to be just like him. When I was younger he taught me everything, he used to tell me things like “You see that guy over there J?” Rodney said to me as we chilled in the playground on the swings “Yeah I like his watch and look at his trainers Rods he’s got the new Nike AIR’s; but why is he going to play football in them?” “Because he’s a clown, make sure you don’t be like that yout; you don’t go around flashing all your stuff because somebody is going to want to take it from you” Rodney said before he got up from his swing, calmly walked over to the boy punched him to the floor, took his watch off and ran back towards me. “HEY J RUN!!” Rodney shouted before we both started to run out the park with four guys chasing behind us.

Rodney even taught me little subtle things that I started to incorporate into the way I acted when I was out in public “Jemmel man! Why do you have to be so loud sometimes?” Rodney turned and said to me as me and Rodney’s friend Carl walked around the estate. “I have to be loud or you guys won’t listen to me” I replied “No you don’t. We can hear you, you don’t have to be the loudest. Real G’s move in silence”. And one thing about Rodney he was always straight to the point about things “That girl is fit you know” Rodney said as he watch the girl across the street “Err! Look at her face though” I said as I looked at the girl Rodney was speaking about cross the road “Don’t worry about her face, you’re not fucking the face are you?” Rodney said which really made me think and I shouldn’t even have been thinking about sex at that age but I was and Rodney was right, in fact he was right about most things, well not most things but he had some valid points on a lot of things. That’s why I always followed him I was like a proper sidekick always by his side. Ever since I was young I started seeing things in a different light; when I was 8 I wasn’t playing kiss chase like them other guys. Nah not me, I had my own little sweetheart who I nearly had my first kiss with; until the Head teacher Mr Clark pulled me out of the closet. I remember when I got into big trouble for that, my Mum was strict; not crazy strict but strict enough, so I was so scared of getting into any trouble because my Mum would beat me. But my Dad, he was always the relaxed one out of my parents he saw things in a completely different way. So when Mr Clark told my parents to come in for a meeting about my behaviour I was so scared that my Mum was going to beat me in front of everyone at school. But Dad came to the meeting so I was a little bit relaxed, not too relaxed because he could turn around and beat me too and then it would have been handicap match Mum and Dad versus me. As I sat there in the Head teacher’s cold office in between my Mum and Dad while Mr Clark told my parents about what I was doing with Alisha. My heart started to beat so fast and as it did I started to think ‘Why am I the only one getting into trouble, I wasn’t in the closet alone’. Then I saw Mum look at me with those piercing eyes and I knew from then I was going to get a beating; it had been a long time since I did get a beating so I knew Mum just wanted an excuse to beat me and I gave her the prefect reason too. As Mr Clark continued to talk to my parents about the incident I noticed that my Dad was getting a bit restless which Mr Clark noticed too so he repeated what I was doing with Alisha in the closet but mid-way through Mr Clark re-iterating my Dad intervened by huffing loudly, slumping himself into the chair, rested his head on his hand, looked at Mr Clark straight in his eyes, tilted his head to the side and said “Is that it? At least he didn’t steal anything” which left Mr Clark dumb founded and Mum shaking her head in disbelief. “But Mr Stewart he was...” Mr Clark tried to explain before Dad cut him off “Yeah, yeah, yeah in a closet with a girl so what? I had to leave work for this?” Dad said before kissing his teeth. “Well I guess there’s nothing more to say then” Mr Clark said “Good, come on Jemmel lets go” Dad said as he stood up. Now I couldn’t help it but I had to smile at Mr Clark as I left the room behind my Dad because I felt like I just got away with murder and that’s why Dad and I get along so well. He was so cool about little things like that and as for Mr Clark he couldn’t do or say anything to me, so I didn’t get in trouble and I think that’s when everything with girls started with me. If only I had of got into trouble that day.

Next day at school it was like I was the man not only did I nearly kiss Alisha but I got in trouble with Mr Clark and not with my parents so it was like I was untouchable, you see if the biggest, meanest teacher can’t get you in trouble with your parents then you’re the man, because we’ve seen Mr Clark make the coolest parents beat their children, in school; in public! Over small minor incidents; so for me to get caught with a girl in the closet and getting off scot free was a miracle, so from then on I felt invincible.

The next two years from that I was stealing kisses from every cutie in the playground, from the bad girls; the sweet girls; and the quiet girls, I was even kissing the invisible girl, you know that girl that nobody notices. That undercover girl that’s really pretty but nobody notices her but you do, yeah that’s the one you know what I’m talking about, yeah I was even kissing that girl, I was a mini player and my boys for life, Kieran and Trey would always be gearing me on “You alright J?” Trey said as I walked up to him and Kieran who were hanging out in our favourite spot in the playground the bench. “Yeah I’m alright” I replied as I played with my new jacket “Rah! Where did you get your Naf Naf jacket from?” Kieran said excitedly because back in the day Naf Naf was the brand name to have and I knew that because Rodney had a Naf Naf jacket so I had to get one. “My mum got it for me” I said cockily with a smile “You think you’re a G init?” Trey said as he pushed me a little “I am a G; look at how many girls I’ve kissed”. “That doesn’t mean nothing and I bet you can’t get any girl to kiss you” Trey then said “Yes I can” I replied which made Kieran whisper something in Trey’s ear. “Yeahhh!” Trey said with a smile before he whispered something back to Kieran, then Kieran turned to me and said “Hey J, I bet you can’t get Zara to kiss you”. “Yeah, that’s one girl that wouldn’t go near you” Trey agreed “Why would you say that?” I asked “Because she isn’t as dumb as these other girls that you’ve kissed, she has a brain” Trey replied as he pointed to his head. “Wow! Do you like her Trey?” I asked “No, no I was just saying she isn’t dumb” Trey stammered as he quickly replied. “Sounds like you like her, maybe you should kiss her” Kieran teased “Yeah maybe you should kiss her because I know you haven’t kissed a girl before” I said as we continued to teased Trey “I have but you guys weren’t there” “Why weren’t we there? We always hang around with each other except in P.E and that’s because me and Jay can’t be bothered to run around in the rain playing football” Kieran said. “And that’s when it was; when I was playing football I kissed Chanel” Trey said as he pointed over at Chanel, Kieran and I then turned around and said “Ewwww!” “You kissed train track mouth” I said loudly “Damn” Kieran then said with a disgusted look on his face “Yeah so what? It doesn’t matter anyway you still can’t get Zara to kiss you” Trey said. “Watch me” I said with a so sure smile “Go Jaaaaay, Go Jaaaaay” Kieran and Trey started to shout as I walked up to her. As I slowly walked over to Zara I don’t know why but I started to get a bit nervous, because I’ve never been in this position before where I had to just get a kiss from a girl with my friends looking on. I was being too cocky and let my ego get the best of me; I’m going to look like such an idiot when I don’t get this kiss “Hi Zara” I said nervously as I half waved at Zara “Hi Jemmel” Zara replied with a smile I then went silent for a while as I tried to quickly find something to say “Are you ok?” Zara asked “Yeah, yeah I’m fine” I replied quickly “So Zara...why don’t you talk to me no more?” I said as I sulked “I don’t know what you mean Jemmel, we always talk” she replied with a puzzled look on her face. “Nah, we used to talk more and sit together but you probably don’t want to sit next to me no more because you might of heard that I like you” I exclaimed and I didn’t know where I was going with this but the words were just rolling off my tongue “But it’s ok if you don’t like me I understand...” “…I do like you though” Zara blurted out accidently, she quickly covered her mouth and started to blush, and as she did she looked so pretty with her cute face and red rimmed glasses that I started to smile a little. “So if you like me you wouldn’t mind if I gave you a kiss then” “I...I wouldn’t mind that. But only if you want too” Zara shyly said “I...I...I do want too. Do you want me too?” I stuttered as I asked Zara if she wanted to kiss me. ‘This is going so bad’ I thought to myself as Zara and I just stood there nervously “Well...” Zara said softly with a little smile before she slightly pouted her lips. I then move forward towards her and she moved closer towards me and as soon as that happened I knew it was only a matter of time before I got that kiss. As Kieran and Trey looked on in amazement knowing I hardly ever talk to this girl, Zara bit the bottom of her lip, closed her eyes, and I gave her a kiss, her first kiss in playground; in front of everyone and got detention that same day, in primary school! I didn’t think they could do that but they did. As I sat in detention I started to think about mine and Zara’s kiss because that kiss was different to me, her lips felt so soft and she looked so pretty I never actually looked at a girl before I kissed them it was always just a quick kiss and that was it but her kiss was so different, I mean I’ve kissed nearly 11 girls, at the age of 10 so why was this kiss so different from the others? While I sat in the Art Room where I was detained I managed to find some paper and a pencil so I could draw and keep myself entertained because I didn’t know how long I was going to be in there for. As I drew for thirty minutes all of a sudden the door opened and Zara came into the room and sits next to me “What are you drawing?” She asked as she tried to look over my shoulder to see my picture “I’m drawing Tazmania” I replied as I showed Zara my drawing “That’s really good” Zara said in amazement as she looked at my drawing “Thank you”. “So what are you doing out of class?” I then asked Zara “I was getting bored in Ms Bigsby class so I asked to go to the toilet and saw you in here so I came in to talk to you” “Ok” I replied as I started to get nervous again “So do you have any brothers or sisters?” Zara asked as we started to talk to each other and got to know one another. Zara and I literally sat and spoke for a whole hour with no interruptions which was really nice but really bad too because even though I enjoyed speaking to Zara it was quite worrying that no one had noticed that I was in detention for more than a hour and a half and that Zara had been out of her class room for more than a hour “Hey Jemmel! It’s time to go home” Trey said as he popped he head into the class room “Ouuu!” he then said as he saw Zara sitting next to me before he started to laugh as he closed the door “I’ve got to go now my dad probably waiting for me outside the gates” Zara said as she got up to leave “See you tomorrow Jemmel” Zara said as she waved and left the class whilst shutting the door behind her “Bye” I said just before Zara closed the door and all of a sudden I got this huge warm feeling rushing through my body, my head felt light and my heart was beating really fast. I didn’t know what this feeling was but it felt different in a good way and whenever Zara and I hung around with each other from that day on I always had that feeling; and by the way she smiled at me I could tell she had the same feelings too.

My last year in primary school probably was the hardest, because now everybody had feelings, I couldn’t just go up and talk to a girl now because I had her friends blocking me like some sort of disease, I just thought they liked me and were hating because that was usually the case with girls. But I also had their boyfriends hating on me, the same guys I played football with didn’t even want me near their girlfriends like I was going to steal their bubble head girlfriends, so that started a lot of fights, and I don’t mean arguments I mean fights. But luckily for me Rodney taught me how to box, he was mad influenced by Muhammad Ali at the time so he wanted to become a Boxer and me being the little sidekick wanted to be just like Rodney so whenever I went over to his house Rodney and I used to watched old video tapes that Rodney’s Dad had before he left of Ali boxing and we used to mimic all his moves. I couldn’t hit as hard as Rodney but I was fast and would barely get touched when Rodney and I used to box; so when it came to fights at school I had to show these guys that I wasn’t no punk. I floated like butterfly and stung like a Bee “Ah! My nose” Christopher yelled as he held his nose “That’s what you get for messing with my boy!” Kieran boastfully said as he put his arm around my shoulders “I’m telling” Christopher cried before he ran off “That was hectic man! The way you were like...like moving and then Blaow! Right in his face” Trey excited said as he rein acted the fight “That’s what I’m saying. No one can touch us” Kieran said with a big smile as he hugged me around my shoulders “Jemmel!!” Ms Oakley shouted to me as she stood at the end of the football field with Christopher standing to the right of her still holding his nose but this time he had a tissue over his nose with blood marks on it “Laters” Kieran and Trey said as they ran away “Come here right this instant” Ms Oakley then said which made me put my head down and slowly walk over to her. “I’m definitely going to get beaten this time” I said to myself under my breath as I mentally prepared myself for a serious punishment. “In detention again?” Zara said as she poked her head into the Art room “Yup” I replied as I continued to draw “What you drawing this time?” Zara then asked as she came into the class room and looked over my shoulder “Just a bunch of different cartoon’s” “Aw I love Rugrats” Zara said which made me smile “Do you want me to sit with you until you have to leave?” Zara then asked which I just nodded my head to say yes.

The end of primary school was also my hardest year with the girls so I had to calm down a bit, and started actually having them as friends not as my girls that I kiss once in a while. That was also the year that Jade came to the school and I had a huge crush on her as soon as I saw her, I’ve seen her recently and she looks ok. But when we were younger she was like an angel, she had a caramel complexion, long curly brownish blonde hair, a cute smile, and this is the part that drove me crazy, she had green eyes, and yes I know that don’t make her special but once again I remind you I’ve seen her recently and he looks Okay. I can’t stress that enough. But Jade was a different type of girl, in other words she had older brothers that taught her as much as you’ll teach your little sister about boys and our little games so she’s was aware of everything. One afternoon while we were in the playground standing near the bench I was just looking at Jade while she talked to her new friends “Hey J why don’t you just go and talk to her; you’ve been staring at her all day” Kieran said as he sat on the bench. “I know I have been staring at her but I’m trying to work her out, I mean I’ve seen every guy go up to her to talk to her and she’s turned them all down. Actually I’ve seen her turn down more guys then any girl I’ve seen before she doesn’t even know us” I replied “Maybe she’s shy” Trey said as he bounced his tennis ball up and down. “Nah she can’t be, you can see it in her eyes that she’s got confidence” I replied while still looking at her. “In her eyes? What are you a physic now? I’m going to start calling you Mystic Meg” Kieran laughed and said jokily “I don’t get it” “Me either” Trey and I said “Mystic Meg! You know that women that’s in the Take a Break magazines and she’s always talking about star signs” Kieran exclaimed “Isn’t Take a Break a Mum’s magazine?” I asked Trey “Oh yeah it is. My mum reads it all the time. I guess mum’s really like it” Trey said to me “So Kieran is now a mum?” I then said to Trey to wind Kieran up “Yeah I think he is you know” Trey replied nonchalantly as he continued to bounce his tennis ball “Shut up man! I’m not a mum or a women, I just do the crosswords in the magazine” Kieran said angrily which made Trey and I burst out into laughter “Anyway go talk to Jade” Kieran then said “I can’t I don’t think she likes any of the guys in school” I replied as I sat down on the bench “I know maybe she’s gay” Trey said as he casually threw his tennis ball up and down, as he did that me and Kieran looked at each other with a expression that said ‘What did he say?’ I didn’t know what Trey meant when he said gay but I didn’t want to seem stupid so I nudged Kieran ask him what it meant “What’s gay Trey?” “I don’t know; I just heard my sister saying she was turning gay. Maybe Jade’s turned gay already” Trey replied as he shrugged his shoulders, now I was confused about this whole gay thing I was only 10 going on 11 I had never seen or heard of gay so I thought better ask Rodney.

That evening Rodney and I were hanging out around his area just walking around the estate, as we walked and talked I thought that I might as well ask him what gay was “Rodney what’s gay?” I asked “Nah cuz you don’t want to be gay” Rodney said quickly while looking around as he stopped behind a wall in his estate. “I never said I wanted to be gay, I’m just asking what it is?” I replied as I stood near him. “Gay is when two guys like each other” he said still looking around anxiously “Like what? Like how I like Trey and Kieran” Rodney then looked at me and said “I hope you don’t like them guys that way” “In what way?” I replied as I started to get frustrated, Rodney then took a deep breath in and out and said “Gay is when two guys love each other or two girls love each other you don’t love Kieran and Trey do you?” “NO” I shouted. “Shhh, you’re not gay then” he whispered, just then a big, tall scary looking guy approached Rodney and gave him money and Rodney gave him something back I never asked him what he gave him but I would find out later. “Come J let’s go get some Savaloy and Chips” Rodney said as we walked to the Fish & Chip Shop.

Next day I told my boys what gay meant, after we laughed at Trey for having a gay sister I thought I might as well talk to Jade because I know she wasn’t gay, as soon as I went to sit down next to her she looked at me with a stern mean face and said “I’m not a Hoe. You better know that” and then she cut her eyes at me. I was in shock she was like 11 years old, bout I’m not a no hoe; what you know about hoes girl? But even though I was still in shock I said “Okay...I’m Jemmel” “I know who you are, all the girls know you” she said harshly “Okay...well just saying hello, I’ll see you around” I said as I got up to walk away as quickly as I could. I was so shocked I have never had know girl speak to me like that before, they usually get smitten by the smile and that was it, smooth sailing after that, but not with Jade I tried so hard to try to get to know her for about two weeks and got turned down at every angle.

“Give it up Jay, she isn’t having it” Kieran said “Yeah she doesn’t want a guy like you” Zara said “What do you mean about a guy like me?” I replied with a bemused look. “She doesn’t want you because you only want her to say ‘I kissed her’ you don’t really like her Jemmel” Zara replied as she sat on the top of the bench head, but that’s the thing at the time I did like her so what did I do, I asked Mum I some grown up advise, plus I couldn’t tell my mums the whole thing because I’ll get cussed out for disrespecting girls, so when I went home I told Mum about Jade. I only went over the brief details about Jade and asked for advise, she first said that I was too young to be thinking about girls and then she told me that women like to feel special and appreciated, and I understood that but I needed a quicker solution so I did what I usually did I asked Rodney.

That evening Rodney came over to my house and after we had dinner with Mum and Dad. Rodney and I went upstairs to my bedroom to watch some WWF and play some Playstation. After a few games of FIFA 97 we then started to talk about girls and he was telling me about the girls that he has been linking and what they’re like. I was so excited to hear about his links because Rodney was only 12 at the time, he had so many girls and stories about them and I was listening and picking up everything. I then told him about school and what’s been happening with me, I also told him about Jade and told him that I liked her but she won’t give me any time of the day and as soon as I told Rodney about Jade he just looked at me and casually said “I don’t know why this is so hard for you because that problem is so easy cuz, just lie to her”. When he said that I just looked at him, just waiting for him to explain more about what he just said “What?” Rodney said as I looked at him “Nothing just that Mum said that girls need to feel special so. I was thinking about not talking to the other girls and make her see that she’s the only girl I talk too” I said “Don’t do that, that’s dumb because she might not even like you and you’ll lose all the girls you’ve had before”. “So what should I do then?” “I already said what you should do LIE to her but don’t get me wrong Aunty V is right, girls do need to feel special so lie to her to make her feel special” Rodney said. “Ok but what should I say?” I replied “Just tell her things like she’s the most beautiful girl you’ve ever seen, you like her hair, she’s so funny even though most girls aren’t but things like that, trust me cuz it will work” Rodney said and with that he pick up his bag. “Alright then cuz I’ll try that, Thanks”. I turned and said to Rodney “It’s nothing cuz, make sure you tell me when you get that kiss ok. Oh yeah and grab her bum, girls like that” Rodney replied. “Huh?” “Trust me J, grab her bum” “Hmm ok” I said hesitatingly and with that Rodney gave me a nudge and went home, so now I had a new game plan, to lie.

Next day at school I did exactly what Rodney said to do I lied to Jade, I lied something rotten, I told Jade all sorts of things, like her hair was nice, which it was, her eyes are beautiful, which they were and she’s the most beautiful girl I ever seen and at the time she was then I realised that I’m not lying I’m just being real with her and she liked it. I told her that I liked her and I wanted her to be my girlfriend, I was so nervous but Jade looked at me, smiled and said “I like you too Jemmel, and I want to be your girlfriend” I then leant in and gave Jade a kiss. I then thought about what Rodney said about grabbing her bottom and as my hand moved down towards her bum Jade stopped kissing me and said “Don’t think about it” I then moved my hands back to her waist, smiled in embarrassment and then gave Jade another kiss and from then on she was my first official girlfriend. Jade and I went out for about two weeks, I really liked her she was so cool, we used to hang out in the playground and sit next to each other in class, it was nice having a girlfriend and everyone could see that I liked her even my boys. One afternoon while we were in the playground Kieran asked me “J you really like Jade init?” I wanted to say yes but Rodney always told me to never show no feelings to anybody, not even your closet friends so I was like “Nah she’s jus cool” silly me not knowing that Kieran’s big head girlfriend at the time Tasha would go back to tell Jade everything and more, girls always add more. I could imagine their conversation it probably went like this “You know he’s got another girl init?” Tasha would say “Is it now. It’s Okay if he wants to play games, we can play games” Jade would reply with a mean smile. It probably didn’t happen like that but hey some girls are little bitches. So now, days and days have gone by I don’t get know love from Jade and I see her all the time. She got me on the ropes asking her questions, I felt like I was Jodeci or something I was feenin* for this girl, then what happens, I see her kissing Jamie, Jamie! I know the guy looks like he has muscles but that’s was only because he is a naturally muscular guy and is over grown for his age plus most of that was is fat and he’s a waste-man now. Plus you don’t ride around in a Benz then jump into a Fiesta that doesn’t make any sense. But when you’re young, your damn pride can be a bitch, so I had to fight him and I’m not going to say I won, but I didn’t lose, it’s only when Mum found out, that’s when I lost, she bust my ass “Bout fighting over gal” she said in a Jamaican accent and you don’t want to bring the Jamaican out my mum’s when the Jamaican comes out boy...! Beware and I also lost points with Rodney too he said “Why you getting emotional over some chick? Didn’t I show you better?” “I know cuz, I know” I replied with my head down. “That’s weak J, getting all emotional for some girl, you’re lucky that boy never buss your head open” Rodney said as he paced up and down my room, I then turned away from him and kissed my teeth. “Who are you kissing your teeth at? It better not be me Jemmel. I would knock you out, you know that! Don’t get upset with me because your letting your feelings get the best of you. Man up man and remember no feelings and don’t fight over girls” Rodney said as he stood over me like a General giving his solider a command. So from then on I learnt don’t show no feelings and never fight over girls, never.