The nurse, which I don't remember the name of, and I sat in silence. She was in awe, and I was starstruck. I am nervous to tell Hector and even more anxious to even think about having sex with him. The probe that was inside me less than 10 minutes ago says on a tissue by me. The nurse sat down where I once was before the examination began with her hands over her mouth in shock. Now I don't know why she's so shocked; it's not like my situation is entirely unheard of.
"Uhumn," I cleared my throat, pulling up my shorts and my jumpsuit. "Is the guard going to escort me back?" I asked, anticipating when I would be able to leave this awkward room. I know what I need to know now, so it wasn't in my interest to prolong my stay here. I wanted to, no, needed to get to Hector now.
"Oh yes, I'm sorry. Get dressed, and I'll call him. I have a few questions for you if you don't mind" I closed my eyes because I felt myself getting angry. I knew that soon enough, I'll be snapping on the girl, and that will put my ass back in solitary. I don't need that right now; I need Hector.
"Can you just let me go? We can talk about whatever you want later," I pleaded, hoping she would get the hint. She stepped outside to get the guard, I assume, and I took the opportunity to finish getting dressed. She came back in with a confused look on her face.
"I can't find the guard anywhere. I'm not sure where he went, but I notified somebody, and another guard should be here to escort you back to your cell shortly," she informed. I thanked her quietly.
"Jamal," I don't like that tone she is starting with. "Listen, this is new to me; you're the first man I've ever met that can reproduce, so yes, I'm fascinated. I want to run a few tests on you to see how this is possible."
"I'm not about to be your test subject," I growled, getting agitated.
"Look, I understand; I'll keep this between us. I'll help you with whatever you need, but I need you to let me do this." She pleaded with a warm smile on her face.
"Fine, fine, I'll come to you. I need some time to myself to think this through," I let her know, standing up. My fingers grazed the probe, making me cringe.
"Yes, I understand. Take your time; you know where to find me" she smiled warmly at me as she made her way over to clean the probe and the examination table.
The room was silent till we heard four knocks on the door. A new guard peeked their head through "yoo," the tall, dark skin man said. His voice was deep, almost alluring. I've never seen him before, and the way he was looking at me lets me know he's never seen me before either.
"Alright, Jamal, I'll talk to you later," the nurse said. I smiled at her and began walking out the door. I didn't face time to pretend to be friendly; I just needed to get back in my cell.
"Aye, your name Jamal?" The guard asked, jogging up to me.
"You heard her say my name, so why you asking" I mumbled, picking up my pace. The guard laughed.
"No need for that shawty."
"Nigga do not call me that. I will beat your ass the fuck" I growled, turning around to look at him.
" ight calm down; I'm just tryna introduce myself." He smiled down at me.
"I didn't as you to." Was my Curt reply as I turned around, making my way to my cell.
"You ain't need to. I'm Adonis. What section you in? Why I don't see you around."
"You'll see when we get there. Once again, I don't care for your name, but ight" I'm not about to play nice with no guard. Especially when they flirting with me unprovoked.
I made a turn close to the showers and saw my cell door open. Damn, I didn't even need the guard. That's weird, though. Why is my shit open. I know the guard as Adonis didn't say anything and just followed me down the hall. I saw Damien and Hector talking by the door, making me calm down a little. Happy Hector wasn't in trouble.
"Oh, so this where you at. No wonder I don't see you. I'll make sure to drop by, though, now that I know your fine ass stay here," the guard escorting me said as we fit closer to the door. I was about to speak, but before I did, I saw Hector peak his head out the cell, grilling Adonis.
I paid him no mind because I guess his karma came earlier than expected. "Okay, Adonis," I laughed, pretending to entertain him. I think he noticed Damien by the door and smiled. I walked into the cell as Adonis and Damien started talking. I tuned them out as I made my way to my bunker. Hector was talking to them for a while till he saw my face. His smile dropped into a concerned scowl.
"Ight Damien, I'll catch up to you later," Hector said, dapping him up. He grilled Adonis and made his way inside the cell. Before the door closed, I heard Adonis say he'll see me later. Hector sucked his teeth; you could see he was angry.
He's a weird one.
As soon as the door closed, Hector came over to my bunker, getting in and pulling me to his chest. "Baby, what's wrong?" All the anger his face showed earlier gone. I couldn't hold it in, and I started crying again. This time it wasn't tears of joy.
Of course, I'm happy that I can have my child, but now I don't feel comfortable even laying with Hector. How am I suppose to be happy when and if I decide to have my baby? I'll be in my early 40's. All the anxiety I felt poured out of me as I continued to cry. Hector didn't say anything. He just held me close and occasionally kissed my forehead.
I attempted to stop crying to speak finally, but every time I opened my mouth, broken sobs escaped. I felt sick. I felt myself slowly going back into the hole Hector has worked so hard to pull me out of.
I feel ashamed to be who I am again. Why am I afraid to get intimate with my boyfriend? Why am I afraid of showing the world who the real Jamal is.
Of course, I'm happy to have Hector in my life but let's be honest. How long will he stay with me? Who likes being with somebody who's always self-deprecating? Nobody. I felt my shoulders shake. My tears weren't letting up; my mind was racing so fast with even more unwanted thoughts.
I hid my head in Hector's neck, willing myself to calm down. It worked for a bit, with occasional hiccups and shivers raking my body.
"N-nu" I attempted to let out. Hector pulled me closer.
"Don't talk. Calm down and relax first, then we'll talk," he ordered. He continued rubbing my back and kissing my neck. A moment like this makes me appreciate this man so much. I can see myself falling in love with him.
After I calmed down, Hector pulled my head out of his neck. His lips cast in a thin line, his eyes are studying me. My eyes were burning from all the crying.
"Who hurt my baby?"
I don't know why that made me laugh. He smiled a little seeing me laugh, but I could still tell he was uneasy. "I'm for real what's wrong, puss?" He asked, caressing my ear.
"I went to the nurse to see if, um, my mom was right" his smile dropped a little, but he still held it. "She did a test on me, and it turns out I can have a baby," I whispered, looking down. I heard him laugh, and I looked up to see how happy he was. It broke my heart to think that eventually, I'll ruin that for him by telling him I'm not ready.
"Baby, you can have kids?! Stop playing with me" he smiled, his voice rising a little. I slapped him to let him know to lower his voice. His smile was so contagious.
"Yess Hector, I can," I mumbled, placing a kiss on his lips. His excitement made me happy.
"Why were you crying then? Shit, we could have a baby."
"Hector we? First of all, we are in prison."
"Man, I don't give a fuck." He mumbled, gripping my waist.
"Glad you don't because I do." I mumbled, "I'm scared. I don't want us to do anything because I'm scared of getting pregnant. Especially in here."
"I'm sorry for being inconsiderate; I ain't even think about that or how you feel about this. I let my excitement take over. But baby, understand that. We gon take our time, though. How ever long you need. I'm fuckin with you because I like you, not because I want to fuck. I mean, yeah, I wanna fuck, but you know what I mean" I laughed at that.
"I'm sorry, I know I'm making you wait so long, but I don't want to do something I might regret later on. And now that I went to get the test, the nurse wants to run more tests on me," I informed him. He didn't like that because I felt his grip on my waist tighten.
"For what the fuck" he growled.
"She said she never met anybody like me before. She said that if I let her do it, she won't tell anybody, so I said yes."
"No," is all he said.
"I'm going with you to her tomorrow to tell her no."
I rolled my eyes at him. "If you go with me tomorrow, then she gonna know something is going on between us."
"I don't give a fuck. I don't care if people find out. The only reason we a secret right now is because it's what you're comfortable with." He said. I know he's fucking lying.
"Okay, whatever, Hector. And don't think I didn't see you smiling in that Lil boy's face. If I tell you again I don't like him being around you; I'm beating your ass in front of him." I warned, holding onto his beard.
"Yea, do that. I like aggressive shit like that," he said, gripping my ass. I rolled my eyes against this nigga is stupid.
"Nasty," I mumbled, placing my head on his chest.
"But for real, Jamal, don't feel like you have to rush to do anything in this relationship. We are going at your pace. Always. You got me falling for you hard." He confessed. That made me smile. I nodded my head. I didn't feel the need to say anything. He has me falling for him too—way more than he can think.
"Tomorrow, I'm still coming with you to that nurse. I don't want you to do something like that by yourself again, puss."
"Okay, Hector," I laughed; he's significantly overprotective. Nothing like what Xander was, and I'm not ashamed to say that I love that quality about Hector. He makes me happy.
"I'm serious." He mumbled, picking up my toy ball from the corner.
"I know, baby, I understand," I reassured him with a content smile on my face. Yea, I'm still scared but not as frightened as I was before I spoke to Hector.
"Oh, yea, and that guard that walked you here? What was he trying to do? And why were you smiling in his face like that?"
"Oh, so now it's a problem when I'm smiling at another nigga? But you were doing it too, so?" I teased him.
"I'll kill him."
"And that's exactly what got you in here in the first place. You better tighten up. If you are going to keep smiling with that boy, then welcome your competition," I laughed, playing with his beard.
"My competition? Jamal keep playing." He growled.
"And I will." I retorted back. All he could do was suck his teeth. Exactly what I thought.
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