The cell had been a mess since the situation with Jamal last week. Jamal has been so much more irritable, always looking for something to fight me on.
All that aside, last week was the best week for me. I was able to hold the man in my arms. I've wanted him for years, and last weak, I could have part of him. Though he avoids me now, I feel I'm a step closer than before.
Currently, we're in our cells. He's laying in his bunk ignoring me playing with that annoying ass ball he's always playing with. I'm standing by the sink looking in the mirror, but I'm looking at him. He's beautiful.
The cell door is closed, its lights out. I turned and walked to his bunk, looking at him. Without a word, I ducked down and pushed him to the wall so I could lay on the bed too. He still said nothing. He let the ball fall on his Chest, turned around to face the wall, and pulled his covers over his head.
"Jamal," I whispered, wrapping my hands around him and pulling him closer to my chest.
"Hector, I told you we have to stop doing this. Whatever this is, I don't want it, and it needs to stop." His voice was low, but his words hurt me. Yes, I have strong feelings for him. That I can't control, him saying that hit me on a different level.
"Give me a good reason why we can't do this," I growled, letting go of his waist. "Turn the fuck around and look at me, Jamal. Now." He quirky turned around. His back was now facing the wall, and he's looking at me. His eyes were watering. "Baby, why are you crying?" I reached out to wipe his eyes, and he backed away.
"I don't like this, Hector. I don't like how you make me feel. I—- I just I like it, but it's not right." He let out with tears streaming down his face. I'm still confused about what he's talking about.
"I don't understand."
"I don't think it's okay for me to want to be under you all the time. It's not okay that I love it when you call me baby. I'm not supposed to be this weak and needy. I hate it, Hector. I hate that I'm the way that I am, and you're so aggressive and dominant. I hate that I'm not like that." His voice cracked as he finished his little rant. I suppose I understand where he's coming from. Outside of this cell, he puts up an act. He behaves like me outside this cell. He's aggressive, loud, and harsh. He's not afraid to fight or get disrespectful.
I now understand that that's not who he is. He could have fooled me. "Is that how you want to be, or is that how you think others want you to be, Jamal. Who is Jamal?" I asked, pulling him closer to me, wiping his tears with my hand. I felt he was shaking a bit. "Baby, calm down, and talk to me." I pulled his muscular body to my chest. Jamal was more significant than me, muscle mass wise. He looked intimidating to others; even to me, he seemed a bit intimidating at first.
"I don't know, Hector, I'm so confused," he sobbed in my chest. I said nothing and just laid there comforting him. What is there to say?
"Good morning, beautiful," I smiled, looking at Jamal. For the past couple of days, he's been opening up to me. Only because I've been trying hard to show him that I'll take him however he is. One of the things I've started doing is showering him with compliments. This isn't a change since I use to do that at all times in my head. Now I just say it out loud.
"Told you stop calling me that, you weird-ass nigga" he mumbled, turning around again. We will be called for a roll call in a few, so he did have time to sleep, but I do not have it. I pushed him further to the wall and got in his bunk with him. He turned around and just laid on my chest. I pulled him flat against my chest, and he continued to cuddle me.
"You're so beautiful," I said again, and he growled.
"No nigga I'm handsome" he picked his head up to mean mug me. I simply kissed his nose and licked his closed lips. "Hector," he groaned, giggling. I ignored him and traced my hand to his ass. That shit is so fat. "Hector, I forgot to tell you. Stop looking over at me all the time outside this room. The boys are starting to think you want to fight," he confessed, and I shrugged. If I want to look at his sexy ass, I'll look at him.
"I know you're not telling me what to do" I felt my chest rumble as I spoke. I possessively gripped his ass harder, pushing him up on me. He let out a whimper laying his head flat on my chest.
"I'm not," he sulked. "It's just that they think you're threatening, and they expect me to do something about it."
"Then do something about it, Jamal," I replied calmly.
"Next time you look at me while we're out there and I catch you were fighting," he mumbled in all seriousness.
"If you do that when we come back in here, I'm fucking you through this mattress," I threatened, and he shook his head laughing.
"I'll smack my head through that mirror before I let you fuck me," he teased, pointing towards the mirror next to the toilet. That shit didn't phase me. The bell rang, signaling that it was time for the door to open. Before it did, I dipped down to kiss him. I took the opportunity to grip his ass. I love hearing him moan. "Hector, no," he whimpered against my lips. I kissed him again, more profound; I pulled away, watching the spit between us break. "I'll miss you," he whispered. I pecked his forehead and pulled it off from him. I rushed to the sink.
Skip to the cafeteria. 6 hours later.
Here he goes looking at me again. After I told him to stop, he did well when we were in the yard and during lunch, but here he goes during diner time just grilling me. "Yo Jamal, there that Mexican ass nigga looking over here," one of my men, Darrell, grunted.
First of all, he's Honduran, you dumb bitch.
I ignored him and just pushed myself up off the cafeteria table. I stalked over to his table. I heard my men cheering, and I felt his men glaring at me. I walked up to Hector I saw him staring; I gripped his collar and pulled him up to my face.
"Do we have a problem?" I growled at him. He just smirked. His men got up, surrounding me, but I knew my men already had my back. I don't know what got over me, but I punched him in his jaw. The whole cafeteria began yelling and banging on the metal tables. The guards walked up to us, separating us.
"Clark and Sanchez break it up!" I heard one of them yell. The next thing I knew, my hands were cuffed behind me, and I was being dragged to my cell. I kept quiet and followed along; I felt relieved because I knew my boys were looking at me like I was pussy, so today, I decided to prove them wrong. I know Hector isn't going to let this slide. I wonder where they're taking him.
They shoved me in my cell, and my cell door closed. I got irritated because my cell was the only one completed. Niggas made a makeshift solitary. I sighed and went to lay down on my bunk. "I know he's going to kill me," I mumbled to myself as I laid back down. Before I knew it, I was dozing off.
I woke up to light kisses on my face. "Hey, baby." Hector?
"Hector, I'm so sorry," I mumbled, and he just laughed.
"Don't worry about it, sexy; you had me on brick."
"Nigga you're disgusting," I laughed, smushing his face. Here I am stressing, and this was his reaction. He simply shrugged and got up to the mirror to take off his jumper and get into some shorts. The shorts were a bit worn, but what's there to expect. We don't receive luxury's in here unless people from outside bring them for us.
The shorts fit him well. He looked good. I licked my lips gave him a glance over before laying back down in bed. "What did they do to you?" I asked curiously as to why they didn't bring him in right away.
"Went to see the warden," was his Curt reply. He walked over to the beds again and pushed me to the wall so he could lay down.
"Hector, I don't like when you do that. How many times I have to tell you? Stop shoving me to the wall the fuck" at this point, he finna give me body aches.
"Stop complaining," he said, kissing my forehead. "Let's play a game. I wanna get to know you. The real you".
What's that supposed to mean?