Jamal looked down at the metallic table. Not now, Jamal, He thought. He clenched his fists, fighting against his instincts. He let out a sigh of relief when he heard the loud bells signaling that supper was over. It was now leisure time. He had the choice to work out with the rest of his boys or go to his dorm and finally cry. He chose the latter. He got up swiftly and cleared his throat.
"Yo, ima catch ya later ight" He gave his boys a head nod and began walking with the masses to his cell. His boys looked at him perplexed.
What's wrong with him, They Thought in unison. They shrugged it off and headed up as well.
Jamal walked with his shoulders back and his head held high like always but inside. Inside he was ready to break down and scream. He didn't understand why he always pushed away from the good things in his life. He was upset with himself that he uttered those words to Hector and, call him stupid, but he was irritated that Hector just gave in.
Jamal huffed and began pushing past people to get to his cell. His eyes were stinging even more, and he knew within seconds he would be crying. When he got to his cell, he rushed inside to see Hector already at the sink. He said nothing to the Hispanic man and simply ran rushed to his bed to lay down. He heard the bells ring again, and the doors closed. At that moment, He felt the hot tears streaming down his face. If you asked him why he was crying, he wouldn't be able to answer. Sure he would like to say it's all Hector's fault, but that's not the case.
Sobs racked his body; he was letting all the frustration out. He cried for what felt like hours but, in reality, was only a few minutes. As Jamal sobbed, Hector was going through a crisis. It pained him to hear Jamal cry, but he didn't want to step past his boundaries. After constant battles with himself, he decided to throw caution into the wind and walked over to the bed. He got in the sobbing boy's bed and pulled him to his chest.
"Ba--Jamal, what's wrong," Hector asked, rubbing a calming motion in the boy's back.
"I don't know," He cried. His eyes were red and puffy. "I'm sorry," Jamal uttered, wiping his tears away. "I'm sorry for what I said a couple of days ago; I'm scared."
Hector groaned. "What are you scared of? How many times have I shown you that I'm not trying to judge you? I don't even know what to say to you. we keep going over this shit."
Jamal whimpered, cowering away from Hector. "I'm sorry."
"I didn't mean to raise my voice, but you have to understand that you can't keep playing with my feelings and expect me not to be angry. If you don't want this, I need you to stop getting angry when you see me with other people; you're giving me mixed signals, and I hate that," Hector confessed, removing his arms from Jamal's shoulders. He rubbed his face, a habit he acquired to calm himself when he felt himself getting agitated.
Jamal wiped his tears and got closer to Hector, he pried Hector's hands off his face and did something completely out of character. He initiated a kiss between the two.
Hector has been the one to initiate any intimacy between them however in this moment; Jamal went for it. He felt relaxed as he felt Hector's plumb lips on his own, he felt relieved and happy? Yes he felt happy.
Hector quickly took control of the kiss grabbing unto Jamal's waist. He bit the dark skin's bottom lip causing him to gasp Hector took the opportunity to dart his tongue in Jamal's mouth exploring the roof of his mouth and tongue. Jamal moaned into the kiss his stomach knotting.
Jamal fought hard to keep up with the kiss. Hector's rough hands landed on his ass giving it a firm squeeze he let out a needy whimper.
Hector groaned pulling away from him.
"I'm sorry baby" Jamal mumbled placing his hand on Hector's cheek. He always admired how sharp the taller man's jawline was. "I'm sorry I keep pushing you away, I want this just as bad as you do but I'm worried. I'm worried that eventually when you see the real me you're going to leave, that everybody outside this sell will know that I've been putting up an act. I'm trying so hard to trust you but I just get so scared and anxious at times. I'm sorry."
Hector clenched his jaw. "I care about you, I would never risk that. I'm willing to go as slow as possible with you because I understand how rough your past is." He said gripping unto Jamal's chin. "But this is the last time. If you wake up t try tomorrow and decide you don't want this anymore then that's it. We won't speak on it again and I'll keep my distance."
Jamal shook his head with a slight pout on his lips.
"No I want this, please" he pleaded.
"Okay, beautiful" Hector sighed. He doesn't trust it. Jamal would have to prove to him that he's certain. He got out of Jamal's bed and started climbing to his bunker. Jamal was confused but deep down he understood.
"Umm Hector" Jamal whisper
"I uh missed you a lot, I thought about you kissing me"Jamal confessed looking down at his hands.
"I missed having you in my arms at night" Hector replied. There was no need to lie, it was true.
"Can I um, can I get another kiss?" Hector smiled. He motioned for Jamal to walk to him. When the short man got off the bed and walked up to Hector the taller light skin man gripped the back of his neck and brought him in for a bruising kiss.