Chapter 1: Kill Me.
A lot can happen during a lifetime.
I sat at the bus stop, waiting for the bus to arrive so that I can get to school. It was a snowy day, snow covering most of the ground. I saw a snowflake and reached out for it. melting in my hand as I watch it. I noticed the bus arriving, so I took a step forward and got ran over. As the bus arrived, I snapped out my imagination and stepped in, and as I was walking to my seat I got tripped over. Tyler, in other words, the school jock, I thought: “Just like any cliché kids’ movie except this is reality, and it will fuck you over.” I just flinched and got up back to my seat and just sat there listening to music, not minding all the stuff said or getting thrown at me.
As we arrived in school, I stepped out of the bus and walked to class, I greeted my teacher while walking in, and took my seat. I sat there staring out the window at the snowflakes falling from the sky, slowly focusing on each snowflake as it hit the ground and melted away. I got through First Period Algebra and Second Period History. During P.E I was being shoved around by Tyler and the rest of his jocks. Not being able to do anything, I just let them push me around and hit me as hard as they would, it was a usual thing for me, and I had gotten used to it throughout the years, being shoved around and told what to do, and not to do over and over. I would go home every day, sitting at dinner. Mom asking me what happened at school, and I would reply,
“Nothing New.” With no facial reaction whatsoever. My father, a gay man who has neither come out to my family nor the world, but I never questioned him much about it. My mother, a heroin addict, she’s overdosed so many times even Jake could notice at this point. Jake, my sixteen-year-old brother taking after our mom had started smoking, although I caught him a couple of times, he would always promise me to never do it again. my family caused me a lack of emotions, in fact, no emotions at all.
Fast forward, it’s senior year, everyone is excited about prom, the school formal, senior pranks, the overnight trip, and most of all, graduation. Everyone goes their separate paths, never-ending romances end, friends turn to foes, and we get elbowed into the real world. I never planned on going to any event except graduation, to grab my diploma and leave this godforsaken town without looking back. I never planned on going to a high tier college either, although I had excelled in most of my classes and had gotten many opportunities thrown my way, I just dodged them.
“You best believe that if I have the choice to pick whether or not I go to another shit hole I’m choosing not to.” I Thought while getting ready for school.
I went downstairs and saw my brother sitting at the table waiting for mom to prepare breakfast.
“Your sixteen and still can’t prepare a bowl and some milk?” I told him in a laughing matter.
“You would think she would get up early for the first day?”
“Come on don’t be hard on her, we should all be taking care of ourselves at this point.”
“Easy for you to say, you’re getting your driver’s license in 4 weeks.” I noticed how upset he was, and it was his first day after all.
“How about I drop you off at school today?”
“Oh, yea you can peddle your bike and I’ll ride on your dick how about that?”
“Ok calm down we won’t be taking the bike.”
“Then how do we expect we get to school on time nitwit?”
I took the keys off the counter and looked at him,
“I need to practice anyway.”
We got in the car and I had started driving to school. I noticed a blocked highway and thought,
“What if I just ran into it?”
I looked at my brother and looked back at the road,
“No, he did nothing wrong” I said.
My brother turned at me looking like he just saw a ghost.
“You have arrived at your destination,” I said as I pulled over the car.
“Thanks, will you call mom to check up on her? Make sure she’s not dead or anything.”
“What? It’s the truth.” He said as he got out. He poked his head through the window and asked,
“When are you gonna pick me up?”
“I’m not picking you up, you’re walking.” Before he could say anything, I had already driven away. Of course, I wasn’t going to leave him, but it’s fun to mess with him every once in a while.
I got to school and couldn’t even walk in through the gates before thinking of puking. I put my hood up and walked in hoping not to get noticed by anyone, but that’s not how life works, no life likes to fuck you right in the ass. Someone had bumped into me and made me bump into a girl, then again this is real life so I just turned to her, “Sorry,” I said as I tried to walk away but she caught up to me.
“Before you go, I’m sorry but I was hoping you could help me find my next class?”
I stopped sighing and turned around slowly walking towards her.
She handed me a paper with her schedule on, I took off my hood and said, “You’re in my classes just come with me.” I walked to class, and she followed me.
“Your late,” Mrs. Charron said, but before the new girl could say anything: “Ya I’m sorry it won’t happen again, “I said and took my seat. During class, Tyler would throw paper balls at me or sometimes airplanes, don’t get me wrong he’d never fold an airplane properly it would always be somewhat wonky, but it’s the thought that counts. When Lunch came, I usually sit alone to avoid any drama, I sat looking at the table until a shadow came and covered the area I was looking at, I lifted my head and looked up. It was the new girl.
“Can I sit here?” she asked me.
“Well, why not?” she said as she sat anyway.
“Why would you-.”
“I’m Laura,” she told me as she grinned at me.
“Noah,” I said looking at her, she looked different like she wasn’t from here.
“So, Laura, where are you from, and do you usually sit in places you aren’t supposed to?”
“I’m from Florida”
“Oh, that explains the accent then,”
“That annoying accent your talking in.”
“Well, that’s funny, but I just came here to thank you for getting me out of trouble.”
“I wasn’t getting you out of trouble I was getting myself out of trouble, you just seemed to appear in the picture.” I said as I grinned at her.
“give me your phone.” She said with a smile.
“Oh, come on don’t be stern for once.” she took my phone from my pocket.
“That’s stealing” I looked at her.
“Don’t Sue me. Here” she gave me back my phone.
“Why did you put your number in my phone?”
“You’re the first person who was kind to me, you never know I might repay you the favor.”
“Great.” I said while getting up,
“Now I know which number not to answer.”
“Don’t take this too seriously Noah,” she said with a smile, “I’m just tryna pay back the debt.
I left. Long story short, I went to pick up my brother. I pulled over to his school and what’s the first thing I see? Him. Smoking. I couldn’t count to three and I had gotten out of my car and was walking towards him. He threw the cigarette on the floor and put it out thinking I wouldn’t see it. I went up to him grabbing him by the collar and dragging him back to the car. Once inside I started:
“WHAT THE FUCK WERE YOU THINKING?”
“YOU SAID YOU WERENT GONNA PICK ME UP!”
“SO, YOU-.” all of a sudden, my phone is ringing…
Of course, it’s Laura, I silent my phone and drive back home.
“You say none of this to mom and dad, and if I see you smoking one more time, I’ll make sure the whole world knows it.”
Leave it to my brother to make a normal day psychotic, I got back home and couldn’t bother dealing with my family. The first thing I did was go upstairs to my room looking out my window wondering if it ever gets better. Truly speaking, it doesn’t.
I’m Noah, Noah Blue to be precise. My 16-year-old brother, Jake Blue. My Drug addict mother, Jolene who has tried enough drugs that Pablo Escobar would fear her at this point. My not so straight father, Peter blue. We are just like any family on the outside but truly fucked up on the inside.
My origins, truly confusing if you think about it. Before my mother had me, she used to be a waitress at a local bar, there she met Russ, her supplier. She wouldn’t do drugs at first, then met my father at a mall when she asked him for help with her groceries, two years later, they’re married. My father starts traveling a lot for work, and my mother quits her job after we move to a small town called, Aboriginal west. Where she had me, Noah blue.
My mother had me at the age of Twenty-one. You might not think it’s that big of a deal but to her, it was a whole new challenge, she started taking pills to help keep her awake, and take care of me. Two years later, a little devil pops out of her stomach, My brother Jake. Eventually she started taking heavy items such as Marijuana, Oxymoron and heroine, which was her most used. What terrifies me the most to this day was that she hid all that from my father.
By the time I was eleven and my brother was nine, my mom had overdosed for the first time. We were kids and didn’t know what to do, and so all we did was wipe her mouth of all the foam and call dad. He came home running that day and called an ambulance, that’s when he found out that my mother was using. After that incident my father couldn’t leave us alone anymore at home till, I was sixteen, I left the house to go get some groceries, and I came back to no one in the house.
My mother had overdosed and my 14-year-old brother had taken her to the hospital and took care of her. That’s when I found out how truly fucked up our life is. Fast forward and now I’m 17 years old with my 16-year-old brother, my mother has overdosed a total of six times.
Moving on to my father, he doesn’t have much for me to explain. He has been in and out of our lives, he’s been there for us at tragedy moments but never when we had accomplished anything. High school graduation? No. Any of my birthdays? No. Award ceremonies? No. He was never there for anything I accomplished, but both him and my mom felt like they could do different with Jake. Like I was their test child, for them to raise him well.
Jake Is a sad outcome if anything, He had witnessed my mom overdosed at a young age, he took it to mind that drugs aren’t a bad thing and now I have a smoking 16-year-old brother living under the same roof as me. You can stop him, no actually you can’t he never listens and when he does it’s too damn stupid for him to realize it’s wrong.
That about sums up everything I have for you.