Dude... That's Not A Guy

By Beklet All Rights Reserved ©

Humor / Drama

What Mother Doesn't Know Can't Hurt Her

Ashton's POV :


"And just where do you think you're going? "

"Damnit" I cursed ".... uh, just grabbing breakfast" I replied subtly stretching my arms in what I hope came across as just having woke up.

"And you expect me to believe that?" Mum asked, crossing her arms in that signature 'you're not fooling anyone ' posture, and its times like this that I thank my expert lying skills.

"Why would I lie to you mother? What kind if son do you take me for?"

"You are aware that it is 3 in the afternoon, right?" She stated, raising an eyebrow in a condescending manner,

"I'm a teenager, what's you're point?" By now I'd moved on to looking through the pantry and randomly opening the fridge, because sure I might not have actually needed breakfast but now that I thought about it a nice bowl of cereal would be fantastic.

"Well last time I checked if you're trying to pull the 'teenage sleeping' thing then you at least need to pretend to go to bed at some point in the evening" the motherly eyebrow game was on point, she was raising it in full on scepticism and in hindsight I probably should have just lied and said I was sleeping over at Xavier's. But what the hell, I've already dug myself a hole now.

"Have you been reading those parenting manuals again?" I asked, looking over the fridge door to raise my own eyebrows in question,

"Don't be changing the topic, where were you last night and this morning?"

"Urg fine, Xav held a party to celebrate the win, it's no big deal, I just crashed at his for the night" I shrugged off her question simply, who knows maybe it wasn't to late to use that excuse anyway.

"A party, hmm?" Mum stated, her lips pulled into a thin line, "And was there drinking at this party that Xavier threw?"

"Of course not mum, it's Xavier were talking about, you know he doesn't like alcohol, and besides, you've raised me better and should know I would never drink under the law." Lies. But she didn't need to know that, because as far as she's aware the most I've had to drink was a glass of wine at thanksgiving dinner last year. And as for Xavier not liking alcohol....well .... let's just say that's definitely not a bubble I plan on bursting for her.

"Well I would like to hope I did'?" Mum spoke skeptically, an eyebrow raising disbelievingly but she didn't push that fact any further "How is that boy these days anyway? Its been like what? 3 days since he's been here? He must be sick"

"Well jeez you'd think he was your friend not mine" I stated with a smirk, raking a hand through my disheveled hair and subtly peeking over her shoulder for an escape route. Luckily Jacques was wandering down the hallway, her hair like a birds nest and mud splattering the front of her floral dress. Sandy bounding along beside her, tongue lolling out of her mouth and matching mud stains all up her front and on her back.

"Jacqualine! Why on earth are you so messy?" Mum gasped, spinning on her heels and turning to face a now guilty looking 5 year old. She looked like she had been planning to sneak through the kitchen into the laundry but the mirror dangling on the wall hadn't worked in her favour.

It didn't look like she had an answer to mums question so I took the opportunity to save both our hides and strode past mum, bending down to pick up my younger sister.

"Well aren't you just a little grubby gremlin?" I teased, ruffling her hair even further, and setting her on the side of my hip, balancing her with one arm as she giggled hysterically.

"And just where do you two think you are going?" Mum asked, her hand resting on her hip,

"Stopping this little munchkin from tracking mud through your nice clean house of course" I replied simply, sending a subtle wink to Jacques and grinning when she burst into another round of giggles,

"Mhmm" Mum hummed disbelievingly,

"Oh don't worry so much, all will be fine mum" I assured, striding down the hallway, Sandy trotting along behind us as I heard mum huff and walk into the kitchen.


"I can't believe you got so muddy" I stated shaking my head as I pushed the load of laundry into the washer, Jacquline rocking on her heels guiltily in the doorway, a cheeky grin spread across her down turned face. She was clothed in a fresh little smock dress, her feet smothered in fluffy socks and her hair freshly blow dried.

"It wasn't my fault" She stated matter-of-factly,

"Oh, and who's fault was it? Sandy's?" I questioned, an eyebrow raised as I pressed in the final commands on the washing machine, spinning around to face her. Upon hearing her name, Sandy came bounding down the hallway, the smell of dog soap wafting into the small room as she jumped around barking excitedly in a squeaky whine.

Jacquline began laughing in that carefree manner only available for children and the drunken, her eyes squinting at the sides as she ran out of the room. Little squeals of joy drifting down the hallway as Sandy bounded happily after her.

After letting out a tired sigh I rubbed my hands up the side of my face in an attempt to wipe away some of the growing sleepiness, and made my way down the hallway. Bare feet brushed against the carpet as I moved to knock on Janice's door, the sound of music blaring through the thin wood.

"Janice?!" I called over the sound, "I'm coming in! Cover all your scary girl magazines!" At that I twisted the handle and stepped into the room. Scanning the area my eyes instantly fell to where Janice was sprawled on her bed, serious expression on her face and a pile of what seemed to be school books, spread out across the covers.

"What do you want?" She asked, lowering the volume of her music and turning her attention to me momentarily as I moved to sit on the edge of her bed.

"Just to see how my lovely sister is doing of course" I replied, smirk spreading cheerfully across my face as I flopped backwards onto the sheets.

"Oh yeah, that one's believable" Janice rolled her eyes and shut her book as she crossed her legs to sit,

"Hey I can be a very loving brother at times" I pointed out, "You're just jealous that you're not as awesome as I am"

"Whatever, now what did you want?" She dead panned and I resisted the urge to frown, she never used to be like this,

"Urg fine, you caught me" I stated dramatically holding my hand to my heart "You're expert sister skills have broken through my shield."

"Get on with it I'm busy" She stated but a hint of a smile tilted up the right side of her mouth and I grinned in triumph.

"Well I have another training tomorrow after school for baseball and I need you to cover for me"

"You're being stupid, you know that right?" Janice asked and I gave her a wink,

"Of course I know that."

"What if you get hurt again? You were meant to have more time for recovery"

"It'll all be fine Janice don't worry, I'm being careful" I dismissed easily, "Besides, the team is lost without me, we don't have another catcher."

"What about that Joseph guy, didn't he fill in for you last year?" Janice countered and I rolled my eyes and let out a huff of air in frustration,

"His throw is nowhere near as fast or strong as it needs to be to make it to second base, he needs so much more training"

"So? Train him." Janice stated

"Urg, are you going to help me or not?" I asked with a frown, rolling onto my stomach to look at her as she remained silent for a few moments, her stare thoughtful as she process what I was saying,

"Fine." She adventully gave in, biting her lip nervously, "But if you get hurt..."

"I won't I promise" I grinned excitedly, pulling her into a bone crushing hug,

"Get off me" She complained with a groan, "You're too fat"

"It's all muscle baby" At that I kissed her on the forehead and left her to her homework.


"Ashton, man, where did you go after the party?" Alistair asked as we made our way down the hallway to first period.

"Got bored, so I went home" I stated with a simple shrug of my shoulders,

"You're kidding right?" Alistair raised an eyebrow, his eyes wide in shock,

"Uh...No?" I glanced to the side to watch a busty brunette pass by obnoxiously swaying her hips.

"Dude" Alistair suddenly slammed his hands onto my shoulders and stopped us both in the middle of the hallway, turning to face me with the most serious expression I have ever seen. "You do remember going upstairs with a pair of elite looking blondes right? Please tell me you remember that?"

I stared at him for a few seconds, racking my brain for anything before I found Soraya, brief flashes of drinks and laughter floating on the edge of my mind.

"Dude?!" Alistair started shaking me,

"Okay okay, calm down, I remember, jeez stop shaking me man" I batted his arms away lightly and he left out a puff of air,

"Fuck, you had me worried then"

"It's hurtful that you think of me as such a light weight" I waved off with an amused smirk, my mind drifting over onto other more pressing subjects as Xavier came into the hallway.

"Sup guys?" He greeted, gaining a bro handshake from Alistair and freezing halfway through mine when I didn't make a move to greet him, "Ash?" He asked confused, but by then I was slamming him up against the lockers.

"What the fuck man?!" Alistair shouted confused, causing people to turn in our direction curiously,

"Dude" Xavier winched, "What the hell?"

"Don't you 'what the hell me' you piece of crap" I snapped, hand curling in the hem of his shirt.

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