Dude... That's Not A Guy

By Beklet All Rights Reserved ©

Humor / Drama

Victoria Has A Secret

Soraya’s POV:


“How’s your job hunting going?” Ezekiel asked me, it’s cool to have an older brother… even if there is no actual relation to them whatsoever.

“Zeke, it’s going terribly. I get the resume in, I get a phone call, I get an interview… and when I get the interview everything goes downhill.” I said.

“Have you asked Kelley for a job at the club yet?” he offered a new idea.

“No, I didn’t think I would be old enough…” I trailed off. “Do you think she would take me in?”

“Of course she will. As long as you have the work ethic, she’ll take you.” He answered.

“Brilliant, I’ll ask Kelley when I get back from my run… she might be awake then.” I said as I finished off my white chocolate mocha.

“You’ll ask me what?” I heard a tired Kelley ask as she walked into the kitchen with her hair knotted and matted while it also stuck out in many different directions. Her eye make-up from the night before was smudged to make her look like a raccoon, obviously she didn’t wash her face when she got home, and she looked in desperate need of caffeine.

“You look great.” I said seriously.

“I feel coffee.” She responded, earning a weird look from me and Zeke.

“You what?” Zeke asked, taking the exact question I was going to give.

“Crap. I can’t English and it’s only midday.” She stated.

“Actually, it’s practically three in the afternoon.” I corrected her. She looked at the clock in response.

“Shit.” She stated simply. “Now, you were going to ask me what?” she changed the subject completely.

“Uh, well, because my job searching isn’t going to well…” I trailed off as Zeke left the room. Don't you dare leave me Zeke! I need back-up here.

“What about it?” she asked me.

“I was wondering if there was any possible way that I could maybe…” I trailed off again.

“I can barely manage to say what I'm trying to say, let alone what you’re trying to say.” She told me bluntly.

“Could I maybe possibly get a job at the club until I manage to get a different job?” I asked her.

“You want a job at the club?” She asked me and I nodded in response. She started laughing, which I thought would be a bad thing.

“So I don't got a job?”

“Oh no, you got a job. Trust me, you’ve got it. I just don't know why you didn’t ask me earlier…” she trailed off.

“I didn’t think of it. Zeke was the one that told me to ask you.” I answered. I think she went to hug me, but then remembered about the fact that I don't like being touched.

“Okay, fair enough. Now, if you’re going to work there we need to get you new clothes.” She stated.

“Um, you don’t have to buy me clothes… after I work for a bit I’ll be able to afford my ow-”

“No. you are now my daughter and I will treat you like so. I may not have been able to watch you grow up, but what matters is now.” She told me.

“Okay, and you know you don't even have to pay me full, you could pay me only half and I wouldn’t care.” I told her.

“Sweetie, I’ll pay you full. Now, let’s go buy some clothes.”


“What kind of clothes am I aiming for?” I asked as Kelley disappeared behind a rack of clothes.

“Anything you like really.” Kelley answered.

“Cool.” I responded.

“Manners please.” She replied.

“Thankyou mother.” I mocked, probably a little too loudly. She started laughing before she came back around to the same side as me.

“I’ll be back, I just have to go get some new underwear.” She told me, leaving the trolley with me.

“Oh snap, I do too!” I shouted a little louder than I should have.

“Well come on then or I’ll leave you behind.” Kelley stated as she walked away. I started running with the trolley and only just managed to stop myself from running into two little girls, and so I got a disappointed look from their mother before I apologised to the kids, smiled and started running again.

“Okay, I made it in one piece even though I almost killed two children that looked like twins and about four.” I crapped on.

“Well that’s nice to know.” She responded throwing a lacey bra at me, “Here try this”

“Uh… okay.” I said, being my normal self I put it over my shirt and turned around to find a teenage boy with blue eyes and brown hair. Why in the name of shit is a teenage guy in Victoria’s Secret?! Wait, why is Ashton in Victoria’s Secret?

Ashton’s POV:

“Ashton! Hurry up we’re going shopping!” Janice shouted from the kitchen,

“Leave me alone I’m sleeping” I grumbled unhappily and pulled the pillow over my head to block the sunlight,

“Ash, get out of bed you lazy ass” Janice stated now standing in my door way, probably with a glare and her hand on her hip like girls do in that ‘you better do what I say or else’

“Go away” I muttered sleepily, I mean who expects me to be awake at…I really don’t know the time but its probably not a healthy time to be awake,

“No, I need more underwear and mum promised to take me to Victoria’s secret, plus the girls need to get some new clothes” At that I was suddenly wide awake and sitting up in my bed.

“Why the hell do you need to go to Victoria’s Secret?!” I shouted in confusion and shock,

“Duh, I need some pretty underwear” Janice stated with an eye roll,

“YOUR ONLY 16! What happened to the ladybug headbands? Was that not what you were wearing just the other day?” I spluttered out still trying to grasp what was actually happening,

“Ashton, that was 7 years ago” Janice stated with a blank look, “Now hurry up and get ready.” at that she turned and left the room.

I flopped back down on my bed with an exasperated sigh,

“Don’t just lay back down” Janice called from where ever she was in the house,

“Dammit.” I muttered and rolled to the side promptly falling off the edge of my bed in a mess of blankets, landing with a thump on the ground and a groan.

“Stupid blankets…” I grumbled to myself as I struggled free and grabbed a fresh pair of boxers and made my way to the bathroom where I took my time showering, brushing my teeth and all that jazz.

When I stepped into my room my eyes widened when they landed on my bedside table clock, it was 2:30pm… why the hell was I awake this bloody early?!

“Hurry up, you're taking forever, everyone was ready 15 minutes ago” Janice stated with a huff as she appeared at my door, “and for god’s sake put a shirt on I don’t need to see that.” she proceeded to cover her eyes in mock horror and I laughed at her,

“You love it.” I smirked but pulled on a shirt over my toned chest and scrambled around for a pair of jeans, settling on a pair carelessly thrown over the back of a chair.

“Whatever, just move it.” she said with a shake of her head and walked out the room muttering something along the lines ‘and girls were supposed to take a long time getting ready’ either that or ‘ and pearls ate posts to take pretty steady’ but I will probably never know which.


By the time we got to the mall it was about 3pm and it was flooded with people and I found my eyes straying to a group of scantily clad women - hey don’t blame me I’m a guy, it happens – and a smirk came onto my face.

I was just about to head over to them when mum speaking got my attention,

“Ashton, I’m taking the twins to Toys R’ Us, can you take Janice to get her clothes please?” she asked

“Why do I have to do it?” I whined, “She doesn’t even need to go shopping, can’t we just get her a bear onesie and send her off to school like that?”

“Yeah and while we’re at it why don’t we get a sign that says ‘ All cute boys stay away’.” Janice huffed in annoyance crossing her arms across her chest.

“Exactly! Glad we’re on the same page here, let’s go I think I see one over there.” I stated excitedly and pointed in the complete opposite direction of Victoria’s Secret. Mum just put her hands on her hips and glared at me,

“Just go with her,” she stated and I sighed in defeat, dragging my feet as I followed after Janice as she excitedly made her way towards the lingerie store.

As soon as we stepped inside I felt immediately out of place among the mountainous amounts of bras and underwear. I mean don’t get me wrong, I love the stuff on girls but not when my little sister wants to buy some it’s a completely different story.

“Oh my gosh, that is so pretty!” Janice shrieked in excitement and rushed over to one of the racks pulling out a pink and black lacy bra with a matching g-string. I felt my face turn instantly red and rushed over to make her put that back on the shelf,

“There is no way in hell I am buying that for you.” I stated horridly and directed her over to a more … safe part of the store, which consisted of socks. Yeah socks were okay, I could buy her some socks no problem.

Janice, on the other hand, didn’t seem impressed as she glared at me and walked back over to the racks of bra’s as I reluctantly followed. Only to abruptly stop when down one of the aisles I spotted a familiar head of dyed hair.

“Here try this.” a woman stated throwing Soraya a lacy bra, I assumed the lady to be her mother, despite the differences in appearances, considering the way they acted.

“Uh… Okay” Soraya replied and put the bra on over her shirt, now I didn’t really know a lot about bra shopping so I assumed that was a normal act but it still had me smirking in amusement as she turned and spotted me. Her eyes widened comically and I stifled a laugh,

“That’s a nice look on you Ray” I stated my smirk growing as she turned a light shade of red,

“Yeah? Thought so” She replied sarcastically despite her embarrassment,

“But I think it might look better without the shirt” I stated with a wink,

“Well Ass, too bad you won’t ever be seeing it without a shirt” at that she turned and looked in the mirror beside her, I could tell she was still a bit embarrassed but she was easily hiding it now as she checked herself out in the mirror.

“I wouldn’t be so sure about that” I stated cockily, she just scoffed and turned around somewhat to look at the back, “and you should get that one it looks hot on you” I stated with a wink,

“I don't need advice from a little whore fucker like you, I already knew.” She snapped.

“You know what else you would look hot in?” I said casually ignoring her comment and hiding my smirk, her face took on a blank expression,

“Do I care, Ass?” she stated as she took off the bra and hung it carelessly on her arm and returned to looking through the racks,

“I think you might, Ray” I stated as I walked closer to her and reached around her to grab a matching pair of bra and panties, the bra was almost completely made out of white lace aside from a part of the actual cup and a small bow in the centre. Whereas the hip straps on the underwear was completely lace and continued to outline the rest of it. All in all, it was incredibly sexy.

“I also think you will want to buy this.” I said holding it for her to see, she took it and looked at it before looking back at me and raising an eyebrow,

“Who knew you had an affinity for picking women’s underwear”

And just then Janice came up to me holding a pair of ruby red panties and my face went pale,

“No, no, no no, there is no way in hell you are getting those” I stated aghast as I abruptly took them off of her and threw them over the isle and into the next, not caring at all where they landed.

Soraya burst out laughing behind me and Janice huffed in annoyance, levelling a glare on me as Ray tried to rein in her hysterical laughter.

“Oh my gosh, that was too great” She finally managed to get out, before cascading in laughter and it was my turn to glare at her, “ You’re face..” and she laughed again, doubling over and clutching her stomach, people were staring but she didn’t seem to care.

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