Dude... That's Not A Guy

By Beklet All Rights Reserved ©

Humor / Drama

The Wonder Woman Incident

Ashton’s POV:


“Shut up this is a serious matter here” I stated bluntly before turning to face Janice once again, “You are 16 there is no way in hell I am buying you fully lace underwear or bras or whatever it is you girls wear under your clothes.”

“You really don’t have much of a say in what I wear” Janice stated with an eyebrow raised, “and besides I’ve already got lacy underwear, mum bought me some last year”

My mouth dropped open in shock,

“She WHAT?!” I all but shouted in the middle of Victoria’s Secret, I was probably causing a scene but I really didn’t care at this moment.

“Calm down Ass, it’s just under wear” Soraya stated with an amused smirk on her face, “It’s not the end of the world”

“Yeah? Well why don’t you bestow your expert girl knowledge and find her some underwear, since you seem to be oh so good at it” I stated with a glare, she merely shrugged,

“Fine then, “ and with that she slipped past me, bra still on her arm I might point out, and pulled Janice with her into another isle.

I let out a frustrated growl and ran a hand through my hair, messing up the already messy style, before following after them with a scowl. When I walked over to them they were giggling and I knew this wasn’t going to be good,

“Hey Ass, come here” Soraya called holding something behind her back and smirking

“Sure thing Ray” I said with dull enthusiasm, because I swear if she held up another pair of lacy underwear for my sister I was going to yell,

“Well try not to sound too happy about it” she stated with an amused look,

“What do you want?” I asked bluntly, already regretting coming over here when she pulled out a florescent pink see-through lacy bra from behind her back,

“What size would you say you are?” She asked holding it up against me as I gaped at her, “Bout a B Cup?” She tilted her head to the size in thought, I blinked a few times before randomly feeling offended,

“You think I’d only be a B-cup?” I asked in shock, “These babies are at least a C”

“Hmm your right, give me a second” She stated as she dropped the bra, causing me to instinctually catch it as it fell down my body and flouncing off down the aisle only to return a minute later.

“Now what?” I asked with an eyebrow raised as she grinned manically at me,

“This one is so you, it’ll bring out your eyes and it’s your size and everything!” She exclaimed excitedly as she held up yet another bra, only this time it was thin, stringy and had a matching pair of panties.

It was also distinctly sugar coated.

My jaw practically hit the floor as she held up the pair of edible underwear.

“Now that is sure to rub in uncomfortable ways…” I trailed off with my eyebrows practically in my hair line before a thought hit me and I smirked at her, “Although by the way you found that so quickly I would say you already knew that.”

“I might” she shrugged,

“That’s something I will have to say I am looking forward to seeing,” I winked and licked my lips seductively, she just rolled her eyes,

“In your dreams, Ass” She stated tossing the set towards me,

“Oh don’t worry it will certainly be in my dreams tonight”

“Ewwww, ASHTON!” Janice screamed, “I do not need to know the disgustingly kinky things of your fantasies”

“Opps” I state as I struggled to hold in a laugh, I had forgotten she was there for a moment,

“Yeah opps” She glared with her hands on her hips for a moment before turning back to the underwear beside her.

“You know you’re not doing a very good job at finding her something appropriate” I stated with a frown when I noticed Janice eying yet another lacy bra.

“You are definitely way too over protective” Soraya stated with another eye roll, I noticed she did that a lot, “It’s just a pair of underwear, it’s not like she’s signing up to work at a strip club”

“Pfft, like I’d ever let her go near one of those joints in the first place” I scoffed causing Janice to turn around and raise an eyebrow at me,

“Excuse me? I’m 18 in two years and after that you have absolutely no control over what I do, I can go to as many strip clubs as I want to and there ain’t nothing you can do about it.”

“Want to bet on that?” I challenged and she smirked,

“Sure or would you like me to tell mum what you did last summer?” She countered, I paused for a moment and glared at her,

“You wouldn’t dare” I stated darkly,

“Oh but I would” She replied matching my look equally

“And who was it that brought you pads when you were on that date with that boy last month?” I smirked at her reaction,

“Hold up” Soraya suddenly stated walking in between us and pushing us apart, although I took great pleasure in the fact that she wasn’t actually able to push me back at all and instead settled for keeping her hand on my chest to hold me back, despite the fact that I hadn’t actually planned on doing anything, “What happened last summer?” she asked an eyebrow raised in curiosity,

“Well you see –“ Janice began

“Canada Trip” I cut her off with a warning look and she paled at the mention of the ‘Canada trip’

“Hey” Ray protested, “She was just about to tell me” she frowned but I just smirked,

“You know you can remove your hand any time you want sweetheart” I pointed out and she went slightly red, abruptly removing her hand,

“Shut up, I knew that, I was just checking if you were lying about your cup size” She stated nonchalantly

“Sure sure” I smirked and wandered over to another section of the store when something caught my eye, leaving Soraya to continue helping Janice.

It took me a second to realise what I was looking at and when I did my smirk turned into a goofy grin,

“Hey Ray, What size are you?” I called across the store

“10” Her voice called back,

“I meant bra size”

“….10 Double Damn, you idiot” She replied

“That’s a good effort” I chuckled and returned my attention to the rack in front of me.

Eventually I spotted the one I wanted and my grin turned wicked as I took it off the shelf and headed back over to the aisle that I had left Soraya and my sister to do their girly shopping in.

When I got back there was another lady in the aisle near them but I paid her no mind,

“Hey Ray” I called and she looked up at me with an eyebrow raised,

“Yes Ass?” she asked,

“Tell me what you think of this” I winked at her, holding up an incredibly kinky wonder woman suit, complete with garter straps and whip. She turned around about to reply when her eyes fell upon the suit only to give me a look of stunned disbelief,

“Of course you would like that kind of stuff” she rolled her eyes, quickly regaining her composer

“Soraya sweetie, do you think your Dave will like this?” the other lady in the aisle suddenly spoke up as she made her way over,

Shit, she’s got a boyfriend.

“…For my older sister” I quickly covered, “But you know what, I just decided she doesn’t need another one” and with that I abruptly threw it over my shoulder,

“Hey!” Someone protested, “Actually this is really nice, thank you random person!”

“We don’t have an older sister” Janice pointed out helpfully and I shot her a glare,

“Yes, we do Janice, remember.” I said in a subtly stern tone, hoping she would just go with it,

“Um, nooo we don’t” She smirked,

“You’re just a little dehydrated, we should go get you a drink or something,” I stated abruptly moving her towards the door,

“Hey! I didn’t get a bra though” she complained,

“Here, have this” I stated blindly pulling one off of the racks, “It looks about your size,”

“Umm Ashton?” Janice questioned “You do realise you just picked up a thong right?”

“What?!” I shouted, once again tossing a piece of lingerie into the air…maybe I shouldn’t go lingerie shopping in the future…

“Whoever keeps throwing underwear you’re really good at shopping,” the same voice from before called, “I don’t understand why you’re throwing this away”

Janice burst out laughing, “What is your problem?” she asked between her hysterics,

“Yep big problems, moving on now, grab something, anything, I don’t even care” I replied, Janice shrugged in reply, and went to reach for something, “Except that!” I called out in alarm, ushering her to the more appropriate underwear.

“Okay then…” Janice gave me a weird look but picked a –thankfully- decent set of under wear and then we were on our way to the checkout, that lady and Soraya still back where we left them.

Well that was certainly awkward, I can’t believe she has a boyfriend, damn I hate the bro code.

“Just these sir?” the lady at the checkout asked with a flirtatious smile, to bad I didn’t really notice at this point in time because she was really hot, but my mind was elsewhere,

“Um yep, that’s it” I replied distractedly pulling out my wallet and paying,

“Isn’t this store just wonderful, I didn’t even need to look around, everything I wanted just fell from the sky” A voice behind Janice and I had us both turning to look at her with wide eyes. Because their stood one of the oldest ladies I had ever seen, complete with the wrinkles and hunched back, purchasing the wonder woman suit and thong.

“What do you mean ma’am?” the Cashier asked confused as I quickly ushered Janice away before either of us could mentally scar ourselves further with the images of her wearing lingerie.


“So that was a fun trip, don’t you think guys” Mum stated obliviously

“Yeah… it was great” I drawled with an eye roll, “If you call buying your little sister underwear fun”

“Oh come on now it can’t have been that bad” Mum insisted, glancing away from the road to look at me before returning her attention back again,

“Ashy! Ashy! Look what we got” Jacques called excitedly from the back seat and I turned around to humour them,

“Mummy got us a loom band kit!” Georgia called excitedly.

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