A Conversation with GOD

I remember taking sleeping pills early, today morning, for I had a huge fight with my own consciousness regarding ’who is ‘actually’ responsible for the problems the living being encounter with in this planet, the Earth’, which ‘ensued’ me the long lasted headache I‘ve ever had since the inception of this ‘process’ that we all lovingly call ‘Life’. But the fight didn’t start in that way. I used to make these occasional conversations with my consciousness only to find myself arriving at dead ends because most of the time, I was looking for answers. And the ‘process’ more often leaves me with this feeling like I have dropped a metal plate on the floor whose noise will soon dissipate into the never-ending space-time. Maybe I should have had the discussion with somebody having the essential knowledge, ie a true and honest spiritual leader or even the God almighty, but GOD seems like playing hide and seek of the taraannum and I don’t have any trust on the qualities of so called spiritual leaders available around me. So, most of the time it’s me and my consciousness doing the little chit-chat.

They are both supposed to be the same, but many a time, I feel separated from my consciousness simply because I do enjoy such a feeling. The talks never resulted with anything un-usually satisfactory either to me or my consciousness as our efforts to seek answers to our quenching minds were not so easy to obtain which we both were aware of. This is a common phenomenon we experience in similar situations where; what we expect and what we could really obtain, while seeking answers to the big questions in life to ourselves. It’s been several years since I have commenced this little process with myself.

So, there I was lying in my bed, twisting and turning not for any answers by the way, but for some well needed sleep. There was total blackout in the street because of the storm that hit yesterday, so there was no breeze from my ceiling fan either. Then I could remind myself something else, that I haven’t paid the power bill for the last two months so it won’t make much of a difference. And, I must have forgotten to drink water in the midst of this nonsense that I have been continuing for ages because I felt like I had fabricated a desert in my throat. As I was searching for the water bottle in the dimness of night, I heard a vibration unbeknownst to my ear till then. It was as if a spaceship had landed on top of my head. And at that point, I wasn’t sure whether it was the headache or did some alien come down to give me the answers to my questions because as unsettling was the relationship I had with my brain at that time, my brain never ceased to make me expect miracles.

Little did I know that it was my consciousness toying with me as some sort of sweet revenge. I opened my eyes to a shower of light. All of a sudden my brain managed to take me away from the pain and into the enigma of ‘where this light is coming from at 5 in the morning’. I lied in awe. And as I looked out through my balcony and into the source of the light, there it was, a bright light as if it was showering from the sky and against the illuming sky, a human-like silhouette. My consciousness said to me “Dude, this is our moment, it’s GOD! Let’s settle our dispute, shall we?” And I without any hesitation, jumped right off my bed with excitement and wonder. “Why waste time? Let’s begin the questionnaire” said me to the silhouette, which responded to me with an absolute silence.

And so I set in motion the first question. “What do you call yourselves? Jesus, Allah, Krishna, Zues or is it the other names that I don’t remember?” As I was waiting for the reply, my consciousness said to me, “Maybe he got offended at us for not knowing his name, shoot the next one”. So I shot the next question, “So, you created the Universe? tell me now, did anyone ask you to? and if you could be kind enough to explain what you meant by this little act of creativity, that would be great.” “By the way, where did you get the resources to create a universe, I mean where did you get the ideas? How did you create matter and space out of nothing? Where exactly did you stand before creating space and what exactly are you made of, if not matter? Who created you? Was it a Spontaneous generation?” The wait for the answer was interrupted by my consciousness which said to me “Ask it one by one, asshole! It’s GOD, a little respect could land you in the heavens.” So, I continued with my line of questioning hoping to be the first person to solve the unanswerable questions. “Tell me, is there a meaning, a purpose to this journey, Life?, for the occasional jumbled struggle and happiness that we go through? ” We continued to receive the eternal silence as if that was the answer. The silhouette hasn’t moved since my questioning began. “Is he/she/it deaf or dumb? I asked my consciousness. “Maybe he/she/it doesn’t understand my English language? Or maybe if he/she/it is the only God then why would it need a language? To whom will he/she/it talk to with it? Maybe it is classified God information” replied my consciousness.

And suddenly, the bright light that I kept seeing went off. My consciousness said to me “I think we got the wrong person here, seems like it’s the Devil”. And without further ado my consciousness added “Or maybe, he/she/it thought of shutting the power, you know, considering global warming, power saving and stuffs; who knows? or maybe it is the devil himself. That could be the reason why he/she/it didn’t answer any of your questions. Ask him/her/it the right questions and he/she/it shall speak” So I did what was asked by my consciousness. I said “Apologies! if I’ve mistaken you for your arch rival, I seem to have no idea what is what these days. I am actually finding it really difficult to see through things for what they really are. So if you are indeed the devil, tell me, who created you and for what? Did God do this “crime” to you? Or, are both of you the sides of the same coin just like having a single body with two heads? Or like God, you created yourselves as if something like a spontaneous generation? I mean if this God guy or girl or thing, I don’t know, did this to you, boy, let me call you so, I don’t mean no gender there, we are on the same page here, let’s take him/her/it down after all I don’t think he/she/it is capable of handling our problems down here on this planet. Here are my assumptions and I hope you’ll agree with me. I believe it is either he/she/it would have forgot us or he/she/it don’t know what to do next and is simply sitting there with absolutely no clue as to how it all turned out to be like this or he/she/it/them would have desired it to be the way it is, or he/she/it/ is dead or ours is a failed decommissioned pilot project set in self-destruction mode, in any case, we need a new GOD and I was thinking maybe I could be the new one. You know I got better codes than this one. I could have designed a much perfect, flawless Universe. I could give you a new role, so that people would pray for you too. I mean why is he/she/it calling himself ‘GOD’ if he/she/it can’t even answer our simple questions” and this time my consciousness interfered with my conversation and reminded me “No-one ever told you that he/she/it is the GOD or that they even exist or that they created the universe, from what I can remember, it was all ‘your’ assumptions and hopes and soliloquies.”

I stopped the shower of questioning for a while and thought to myself and then I continued with the line of questioning as if I had paid no heed to my consciousness’s reminders. And I looked into the silhouette, trying to capture a face, but it was in vain. For some reason, I never thought of running towards him/her/it to see the face. And, as usual, falling prey to my idiocy, I came up with the next set of questions instead of making sure what this silhouette really is. So I began “You see, we never chose where to be born or to whom to be born or how they should bring us up. In fact, we didn’t even choose to be born at all. You made those foundation choices that shaped our character and then you left us with choices like, whether to drink apple juice or orange juice and whether to sit in this chair or that chair, I mean ‘da faq man’!. You designed the laws of nature that we are subjected to. You created the imbalances in our world letting someone be born paralyzed. I mean, our species has these mysterious vices where we hate each other over skin and hair colour but not over different faces or shape or size. We call it racism here. Nobody knows who taught whom to hate the other one because of their skin colour in the first place. We don’t know why we ‘like’ certain things and why we ‘dislike’ certain things. It is just this feeling that our brain responds to when the inputs from our sense organs reach there, which I needn’t remind you, that we didn’t design it either. So, now that you feel like the culprit that you are, why don’t you resign and hand over your post to me, eh?” Yet another interruption from my consciousness, this time, reminding me to thank him/her/it for the good things that he/she/it has designed and created, “Show a modicum of respect and thank him/her/it for the good that he/she/it has created, for all I know, he/she/it could burn you to a crisp for talking to him/her/it in this manner” said my consciousness. Which suddenly struck me as a question and out it came “What happens after death, I mean, matter can neither be created nor can it be destroyed, so what else does this ‘matter’ do other than changing shapes and forms for infinite time in a loop. You know I have always wondered what a person will do if he has everything and knows everything. What next? You seem to have everything and know everything, right? Omniscient and stuff. So, what do you do on a daily basis? Do you have other GODS to talk to, to share a joke regarding one of your own creations activity. What is it that you people do, How many of you are out there? There is a fucking revolt going on out here regarding your ‘name’, your fucking name, dude! Some want to call you by this name and others want to call you by another name and they can’t seem to come to peace with it. Do you enjoy it? Are you a sadist? Or is it that you don’t give a fuck about it?” “Or maybe it is because you and your specie are tired of blaming each other for the shits that you have created and is now looking for someone else to take responsibility for your fuck-up, just saying. Or maybe he/she/it is waiting for all the questions to end so that he/she/it can start answering, or he/she/it might have a one word answer to all your questions, so would you be kind enough to stop with your questioning” whispered my consciousness to my ears. In the past, I have always wondered what could be the root cause for our problems we experience on this planet earth and I had a good enough reason back then, to believe that it was not “Us”. But I couldn’t remember it in the midst of this questionnaire session which I won’t get a second chance at, so I didn’t bother to counter my consciousness’s unsolicited comment.

Instead I said “I want answers, you son/daughter/ of whatever or self-created un-known thing. You do realize this is a question of ‘who the real architect of my life is’, right? Because as far as I can remember, I don’t have much choices to begin with. You should know I am not completely ignoring the ‘good things’ that you have created. You have done considerably well, though we haven’t seen any other universe created by some other GOD which could be much better than this, anyways, the mountains, the oceans, certain feelings. It is good, incredible sometimes, breathtaking, and an overwhelming rush of countless emotions. Though, I have to make a confession, I believe that it is this uncertainty and the not knowing that makes life interesting, makes us want to move forward with it. I can never understand what light is without darkness, what good is without bad, what happiness is without the pain. After all, there could be a logical reason why evil exists on our planet.”

As I was confessing, I noticed the sky was getting brighter and the silhouette started to reflect the light and I was able to notice the reflection from the face of this unknown thing. My heart pounded with eagerness. My consciousness somehow abruptly stood in the way of space time to tell me “Boy, this is our moment, we are going to crack the uncrackable! Brace yourselves!” And it did crack when my consciousness lifted the veil of space time, and when I found out that it was just a woman, a rather beautiful one. And what was cracked was my hope, not the mystery of Life. But I kept my hopes high and waited for those mouths to downpour me with words. And it did rain down and contrary to all my expectations and feeling, the voice echoed in my eardrums like this, “Dude! I am not God or Devil, I broke in to steal.” And as my only hope got thrashed to pieces, she added “thanks for the entertainment and lunacy, never expected this, best heist ever!”

Now I realize, the light that I saw was that of a torch light from her mouth and we wondered it must have been an unusual thief, for who comes for a heist with a torch on their mouth! And I and my consciousness were left with yet another question unanswered. “Add it to the list, mate” said my consciousness

For the sake of her brevity, I let her take whatever she wanted from my place, for I only know how delighted I would be to search with her to find anything valuable at all. In the midst of my disappointment I heard her saying “I should have come with a surgeon. The only thing worth here are your organs.” I looked into my consciousness with the utmost disappointment that I will ever have in this entire meaningless, pointless journey of life and I remembered, my consciousness had the last laugh. And then, I took the pill.

The end or Could be continued….