Hi, my name is Yoishi. However, that’s only my second nickname, my first nickname is fluffy feet, it’s because I’m always wearing my lucky charm … and you might be wondering what this lucky charm is? Well, it’s a pair of bunny rabbit sandals, they are a bit smelly since I have been keeping them since I was nineteen.
Ever since I won a jackpot, those three hundred thousand dollars turned everything around, playing in the Casino was never the same. It’s all thanks to me wearing the sandals, and I haven’t looked back.
When people want to be nice to me, they call me fluffy.
Oh, life is good, I can wear my sandals everywhere I go, well, almost everywhere.
There’s one exception … Work. My job has a very strict dress code; I couldn’t wear my bunny rabbits to work no matter how much I pleaded.
By the way, I should be at work right now instead of doing this introduction.
There are two reasons why I should be out of work right this second. The first is for something embarrassing I did by accident, ripping my pants in half, it happened just when I was about to sit down. The second reason is-
A nurse walks into the room and sees me sitting on a chair.
“Yoishi, have you been waiting long?”
“I’m surprised you remember my name. I was starting to introduce myself to my imaginary admirers.”
“Well, I remembered because you have been here a few times, I hope it’s not the same thing.”
The doctor walks in “Hi Yoishi.” He grabs the form from the table of the room “let’s see what we have here.”
He sighs, takes a deep breath, and flips the page. “Food poisoning again?”
I look up. “I know, but.”
The doctor shakes his head, “No buts.”
The nurse giggles, “Yoishi, listen to the doctor, he knows what he’s doing.” She exits the room.
“Doctor! This won’t happen again, I’m a professional at my job, this was just a mishap. It’s because I wasn’t wearing my lucky charm, I tell you.”
“You always blame it on your luck, but it’s the third time this month. Anyways, before I can give you some advice, I have to ask you some questions. We should have asked some before.”
“Thirty and half bald.”
The doctor starts writing down.
“Shamefully single … Oh wait, I’m skyping an Asian girl, does long-distance count?”
“If it’s a relationship, then yes.”
“Then somewhat, she hasn’t taken her love vows, just interest so far.”
“I see, what’s your ethnicity?”
“My mother is Filipina and my father is from Papua New Guinea, I was born in Cordoba, so I’m Spanish, but I grew up among white people.”
“Alright, how are you sleeping?”
“Well, I stay up late in bed watching Caso Cerrado, a show about suing cases, usually around eleven I go to bed.”
“Mm. let me see if I got the details right. You work for the Royal families, tasting their food, checking for food poisoning, then you go home and watch Caso Cerrado until eleven?”
“Yes. Today was just not my day.”
“What changes will you make going forward?”
“I plan to keep going and be the best food taster there is! I guess I should start by learning about food. Poisons on the other hand, I know quite a bit.” I close my eyes with contemplation on my knowledge of poisons, “Not enough to save me from this apparently.”
“It doesn’t sound very promising; your health is at stake here!”
“Yeah, but without my lucky charm.”
He laughs, “You and your lucky charm.” He sets down his pen, “Your work seems like an easy job on the outside, but there’s nothing out there without risks.”
I couldn’t bring myself to comment.
“How’s your stress level?”
“It’s high, even though it’s only a few hours. Each meal is a challenge in my mouth, even more now with the rumours that something new will be introduced in the cuisine of the empire. I don’t know what it is yet, but I will find out soon.”
“Well, I want you to take care of yourself and be more careful. For now, I will give you a prescription for antibiotics. Check back in two weeks.” The doctor writes down the prescription and hands it to me.
I left the Hospital.
My paycheck is in a few days. It’s sweet when I get my money, but the last days of the month are usually the hardest. I got home very tired, and before I could get to my sofa, the phone rang.
“Hi Yoishi, it’s me, Ariando. You better come to the Broadway mansion tomorrow. There are a few Royalties that want to see you there. Roberto will be hosting, and he needs a food poison taster, how about it?”
I smirk at the idea, “Count me in!”
“Okay, see you tomorrow, bye.”
Ariando has been my manager for as long as I remember. He is a well-spoken person between the commoners and the higher class. If it wasn’t for him, I would still be cleaning windows for a third-rate company.
Roberto has been the new topic among the Royalty. The perfect example of one of my clients, his temperament is composed but a germaphobe on the inside. He likes the presentation of food and relics among anything else.
For this reason, people like him hire Ariando, to make sure he can contract the private chefs and people adequately to bring the purest form of food to the table, without leaving out a well-planned presentation.
The next day arrived. I woke up sleepy, reading what I now consider my new entertainment ‘Wikipedia’.
It presented me with a simple description of how to make rice but I messed it up. I put in too much water and now I have “soup rice.”
My apartment is one of the cheapest ones around, located outside the city, in Wales. It’s close to the frontier of England. I don’t have much furniture, only one couch and a TV.
I’ve always wanted to have a marble floor, but I’ll have to settle with a wood floor for a while.
My previous jobs have been rather low profile, there are transferable skills one can attain. For example, I had a job in a warehouse once, they lent me their manual about chemicals. These were used to clean the machines, the manual also contained info about everything harmful that came in touch with people.
And at my next job, they taught me about pathogens and food poisoning. Because of this, I took a college course in Toxicology. And before you knew it, I was a pioneer. Everything has built up to this moment.
I go to my closet. I find myself –yet again, pondering what to wear. I keep coming back to the thought that my ass has gotten bigger or is it just my imagination? Do girls ponder over this sissy matter too? I spent a fortune on my fourteen Solange pairs of pants that are now in the garbage. Today I decided to try something new. I rather test them at home than rip them at work.
I picked a new pair of pants.
“I’m going to do twelve squats with these pants.”
I put them on.
One flexing down, rip … “Oh no?”
On my first squat? No way. Goodbye Calvin Klein.
I put on new pants, “Hello Hugo Boss.”
One flexing down, up, “One” flexing down, up “Two” flexing down, rip. “Three?”
“Goodbye Hugo Boss.” I start to cry; five hundred dollars were thrown out the garbage with two pants.
Seven ripped pants later …
Oh my gosh, “NOOOO!” Four thousand dollars were thrown out the garbage.
And I don’t have sweatpants.
Three hours have passed, the guests in the Broadway mansion are now ready to eat, lunch is starting in ten minutes and there’s no sign of Yoishi.
Lady Shio approaches Ariando.
“Mr. Ariando, I think the person you’re waiting for came through the back door.”
“Oh, thanks lady Shio.”
Ariando enters the kitchen to find me stuffing on food, the hunger is intense. I don’t think I will be able to do my job properly today; I fear something bad will happen if I can’t control myself.
I was wearing something that wasn’t like my pants. It is not clear if it was bicycle pants, swimming, or Yoga pants, but it was tight, so tight my joystick was showing.
My manager couldn’t keep composed for too long.
“Yoishi, what’s the meaning of this? You broke the dress code again; people are going to talk about this.”
I tapped him on the nose, “Don’t worry about it. I got this covered, manager.”
“The main banquet is already out in the hall; people will start eating it any minute now and you have to come out looking like this?”
I headed through the doors, “I’ll see what I can do.”
To test the food, there is only the need to have a bite. However, I have a condition. Whenever I start eating, I cannot stop until my belly is full. Because of this, I don’t think I will last in this job for long.
I was looking for a job that will give me a new perspective, but so far, I can’t take this career seriously. I couldn’t even if I wanted to.
There were people dancing in the hall and the music suddenly stopped, then through the microphone, Roberto gave a small speech and welcomed the people. then he invited everyone to try the food from the banquet.
People slowly began gathering around the banquet.
“Say, lady Shio, how has your night been so far?”
“Oh, hi Roberto. It’s been very pleasant, and well presented, thank you. Additionally, there’s something that has somewhat taken the spotlight tonight.”
“And what that might be? Could it be the dance moves that Lady Catherine has shown on the dance floor? Or perhaps the famous Royalty Vs Celebrity game that’s about to take place soon.”
“Neither one. Say, Roberto. Don’t you find that man in the corner of the hall rather odd? Everybody is so surprised. He is eating with a spoon and a fork, look at him go at it!”
They stared. The pork chops, salad, and expensive noodles are running out. I’m stabbing the food with the fork and scooping the Avocados with the spoon. I’m eating standing. This condition of mine, why did I let it get the best of me?
“Yes, indeed odd. I’m more concerned about those Yoga pants he’s wearing. I mean, where did he come from? Who invited him?” asked Roberto.
“He’s the food poison tester that Ariando brought, isn’t he fabulous?” Responded Lady Shio.
“Interesting. I might make use of him tonight. I need to lend him some proper pants first, though.”
I stopped in my tracks and looked back at the people. I can safely say there’s no poison, but I’m too embarrassed.
I finished testing the food and started rubbing my belly in satisfaction. I put a toothpick in my mouth and I was set for life. Oddly enough, I felt refreshed in this environment.
Suddenly a heel hit me from behind.
“Disgusting, pig, how dare you eat our food? State your family commoner.”
The whisperers resonated in the hall. “That’s … lady Catherine!” can be heard.
She came running at me to hit me with her hands, but lady Shio and Roberto grab her by the arm and appease her.
I felt so embarrassed, I rushed to my car and left as soon as I could. I got home devastated. I wanted to quit for the first time, the experience was so humiliating.
It was my fault; I should have eaten something before showing up for work. if I had then possibly, I could have prevented the whole situation. I need to practice moderation in my daily life.
In the end, with the help of fresh air from the open windows, and a sandwich I manage to overcome my anxiety easily.
Becoming this emotionally strong must be because of all the Mercury I have been consuming in my tuna lately.
I looked at the tuna in my sandwich, trying to change my thoughts, in some attempt to find comfort.
Although I feel bad about the terrible diet all those fishes in the ocean get. That bastard Aquaman was not satisfied giving the poor fishes Steroids, he has to go as far as feeding them atomic metal.
How else would all those fishes get Mercury in their bodies? Even if they died to make me the true man of steel, I’ll never let you off Aquaman. Submit to my ruling and surrender Poseidon. Not only will I forgive you, but I will also take you to prom.
As I took a breath, I came to my senses. I discarded all negativity and played candy crush on my phone for an hour. Then I went to the gym to do the treadmill for another hour, and then went back home to take a nap.
The phone rang twice when I was sleeping. The third time I got up and grabbed it.
“Ariando, I don’t think I’ll be able to make it tomorrow.”
“I want to book you for tonight. I want to make you my food taster, and also wine taster, whether you are familiar with that or not.”
“Wait, this is not Ariando. Who is this?”
“It’s Roberto. I don’t have much time, be at the Fenix Royal house tonight at seven o’clock. Don’t be late, ah, and don’t worry about what to wear, the butler there will help you Bye.”
How can this happen all of a sudden? I was so down on myself for what happened at the banquet, and now everything appears to be fine. I don’t know what to think about it.
“I know, it must be my lucky charm.”
It was five-thirty. I took a shower and started reading some high-end cuisine cooking books. It wasn’t of much help, but it got me going and gave me an idea of how dishes are prepared. When the time came, I took my car keys and started the engine. It was a long ride to this so-called Royal house.
As soon as I walked in, the butler welcomed me and guided me to the fitting room section. There I tried out different suits. I was tempted to do squats to test them but I was afraid they would charge me an unthinkable amount of money.
While I tried several outfits, the butler took my measurements. My eyes were locked in the mirror, checking myself out feeling like a Kingsman, wondering if they’d upgrade my arsenal of weapons at some point in the night. James Bond type of style.
The butler and I approached the dinner table. Roberto and his guests were at the table chatting. We walk up next to them, Roberto signals that it’s time for the food testing. I see a lid. I remove it, there’s some exquisite meat well prepared, I taste it. There are some nice sweet potatoes, I taste them. There was some parmesan so I tasted it.
Roberto laughs with his guests, everyone is enjoying it, as well as I do.
“Okay everyone, it’s time I explain the rules of this cuisine game.” He looks over, the plate is empty, he gazes upon me. I swallow my last part of the dish.
“Did … Did you dare to eat my six-thousand-dollar dish all by yourself?”
My eyes twitched, “Oops.”