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Naked Immortals and Magic Mushrooms

It was now 8.50 am, and Doddie fanned her right hand in front of her to clear the smoke, then she braced her arms behind her as she said affectionately, “Hello mother.”

“Hello Darling, why are you sitting on the floor?”

“I was pretending to be a ball.”

A young woman emerged from the smoke and coughed. After clearing her throat, the young woman asked in surprise, “You’re pretending to be a ball?”

“Hello Chrissy,” Doddie acknowledged, “Yes, I was wondering what it would feel like to be a ball.”

“Holy crapper!” Chrissy laughed.

“I didn’t bounce but.” Doddie advised.

“Shit-bags Doddie, me and her Royal Highness of Slutiness here, we’ve just been in the Enchanted Forest, and we’ve been nailing naked nymphs onto trees and humping the be-Jesus outta them, and you’re pretending to be a ball?”

“Yes, and it was fun,” Doddie replied, “I didn’t bounce but.”

Lilith leant into Chrissy and whispered, “She inherited the really weird side from her father.”

“I heard you mom.”

Lilith gazed at Chrissy and advised, “The eaves-dropping side she inherited from me.”

“Mom …”

“What Darling.”


“Clothes, no; I’m fine thank-you.”

“No, I meant why aren’t you wearing any.”

“Darling Filia, did you hear what the young Immortal said?”

“Yes, I was eaves-dropping mom, so I heard her.”

“So Darling, we have been nailing naked nymphs to trees and then goosing them, and I always do my goosing unencumbered by garments.”

“And her Royal Slutiness just happens to have a spanking ass, and it would be a crime to cover up such a work of perfection!” Chrissy declared.

“Yes thank-you, Royal Hanger-Onner.” Lilith acknowledged, then she turned to her daughter and asked, “What are you doing today Darling?”

“Well, I’m going through a Fairy Tale phase, and I’d like to punch the Wicked Stepmother, have a little snooze, then maybe eat a chicken.”

“Holy Fuck Buckets!” Chrissy laughed.

“See, her father’s side again.” Lilith whispered.

“I can hear you mom.”

“Yes, of course.”

“Your father, that’s the red shiny guy with the huge cock?” Chrissy asked.

“Yes, that’s my dad, Raum.”

“So as well as having a knob the size of an apple, your dad’s crazy too?”

“Ummm, slightly unbalanced I would suggest, or actually, being one hundred per cent demon, dad’s a little bit more slightly unbalanced than me.”

“Filia Darling …”

“What mom?”

“Be careful with the construction and presentation of your sentence.”

“Whoops, I do apologise.”

“She’s a very polite little DemGel.” Chrissy stated.

“Ummm, excuse me Chrissy …”


“I’m not little, I’m taller than you.”

“Yes, true I guess, but I, me, I am Immortal!”

“Ummm, Chrissy …”


“So am I.”

“Yes, of course,” Chrissy nodded, “Doddie …”


“Since we’re both immortal, can I goose you?”

Doddie thought about it, then she asked politely, “Has anybody got a gun?”

Chrissy was affronted as she threw her arms out and stuttered, “Huh, what, you wanta shoot me because I wanta goose you?”

“No, of course not!” Doddie laughed. “I’ve never said that phrase before, and I just had an overwhelming urge to ask that question.”

Chrissy gazed knowingly at Lilith as she said, “Red and Shiny’s genes, no doubt.”

“No actually, that’s my side.” Lilith replied.


“Yes, as you get to know me better young Immortal, you will learn that I am often overcome by the urge to mutter strange and random statements or questions.”

“Sheesh, anyway Doddie, I can get you a gun and then you can shoot someone.”

“No, I don’t need a gun, I prefer curling up into a ball.”

“Hmmm,” Chrissy smirked, “The slightly unbalanced admission is ringing true.”

“If I was a ball,” Doddie began, “I would roll rather than balance.”

“Anyway, forget about that, can I goose you or not?”

“Chrissy …”


“I just ate an apple.”

“So what?”

“I don’t want a gun, but I would like to eat a chicken.”

Chrissy took a slow yet purposeful step backwards, then she said quietly, “Arrrhh actually, we’ll forget about the goosing at the moment, because sister, you are cuckoo!”

“Young Immortal …”

“What, Great Spankiness?”

“That’s my daughter you’re insulting.”

“No, no, I didn’t mean it an insult, I meant it as an affectionate term of enduring friendship.”

“Hmmm, okay,” Lilith began, “And actually, you were a little bit cuckoo yourself last night.”

“Ohhh, yeah, but that was because of the mushrooms.”

“Mushrooms?” Doddie asked.

“Yeah, yeah, it was a blast Doddie! While we were nailing the nymphs onto the trees, I’m nibbling on the magic mushrooms, and soon I’m tripping out big time, and I had this really weird dream.”

“What was the dream about?”

“Well I dreamed that I had-”

“I dreamt.” Doddie interrupted.


“You should have said, I dreamt, instead of, I dreamed.”

“Okay, sure; so I dreamed that I had three legs, and man, it was wicked fun!”

“Three legs?” Doddie wondered aloud, “That sounds more awkward than anything.”

“No, no, think about it Doddie; three legs meant that I was now the fastest Immortal in the Enchanted Forest, and I could catch as many naked nymphs as I wanted, plus, having three legs meant that I now had, you know …”


“Well having three legs meant that I now got two vaginas. So I’m laying down see, and the naked nymphs who weren’t nailed on to trees are working on my vaginas, tickling and munching down on my clits, and I was so, so aroused, because the nymphs are hustling busily between my thighs, and, ohhh, of course I got three thighs now, and having three thighs is a mega-blast. So the nymphs are tickling and munching, and I’m sighing and gushing, and I’m wondering which clit will go off first, my right clit or my left clit, and the nymphs nailed to the trees are looking over, and one of them goes, I bet two magic mushrooms that her right clit goes off first, and another nymph goes, You’re on! So’s I got a dozen nymphs crazily munching down between my three thighs, and all the naked nymphs nailed on the trees are shouting and barracking for the clit they bet on, and so yeah …”

Chrissy closed her eyes and seemed to be relieving the dream, so Doddie waited a moment, then asked, “Who won?”


“Which ummm … which, which thingy went off first?”


Lilith sighed, then said bluntly, “She wants to know which clit went off first.”

“Ohhh, no, I dunno, I woke up,” Chrissy replied dejectedly, “Had a headache too, and I looked down and I could only see two legs, and I went, Shit-Bags!”

Lilith clapped her hands, and after gaining her daughters attention, she asked, “Do you have plans for tomorrow evening Darling?”

“No mom, no dreams or visions have visited me, so at this stage I have no commitments, so tonight I might do this …” Doddie pranced around the room, pumping her arms in the air as she went, “Yip! Yip! Yip!” Then she began cruising around the room with her arms stretched out as she purred, “Or I might do this; hummmm, rummmm …”

Mildly amused, Chrissy asked, “What are you doing?”

“I’m pretending to be a plane, and I’m flying over to see what time it is Switzerland.”

Chrissy watched Doddie slowly lift her feet, her hands working in a clawing motion. Mildly amused, although also a little bemused, Chrissy asked, “What are you doing now?”

“I’m pretending to climb up a broken and shattered vinyl record clock.”

“Fuck, I need a magic mushy.” Chrissy mumbled.

Doddie began skipping across the room and strumming her right hand across her stomach as she grumbled melodically, “Baa how-how-how-how …”

“Sheesh, what are you doing now?”

“I’m air-guitaring and singing the favourite line of my favourite song!”

Lilith rolled her eyes, and then she said compassionately, “Darling, I really think you need to get out a little bit more.”

“Mom …”

“Yes Darling.”

“The words really, little and bit, were superfluous in your statement.”

“Ohhh, yes, I do apologise.”

“But mom, Chrissy, I can have lots of fun tonight, because I might try hanging upside down like a bat.”

“Really?” Lilith asked.

“Or I might pretend that I’m a bat who climbs up broken, shattered vinyl record clocks.”

“Bat-shit-crazy.” Chrissy mumbled.

“Chrissy …”


“I can hear you.”

“Whoops, sorry Big Ears.”

Doddie pondered, then said, “Bats have proportionally big ears, and they navigate their way through darkness by an ultrasonic method called echolocation.”

“Why thank-you Doddie,” Chrissy said sarcastically, “Now that I know that, I’m sure I’ll be able to navigate my way through the rest of eternity, as I fuck suckers, and suck fuckers, and nail somebody, anybody onto something, and I’ll munch magic mushrooms, and extra legs and vaginas will be sprouting out everywhere, and-”

“Young Immortal,” Lilith interrupted.


“Shut up.”

Chrissy stared at Lilith, then she asked shyly, “What, you want me to go down on you?”

“No, not at the moment.”

“You want me to lube you up and go probing?”


“You want me to tickle you, tease you, spank you, wank you-”

“Christine!” Lilith boomed, “For goodness sake, I’m trying to speak to my daughter, so put a sock in it!”

“Huh?” Chrissy rocked back in surprise, then she grumbled, “You make me walk around naked, so’s I ain’t wearing no socks.”

“Yes, true, so how about you just shut up!”

Doddie nodded shyly, “Be a good idea Chrissy.”

“Fucking Angels.” Chrissy mumbled.

“Ummm, Chrissy, I’m a DemGel.”

“Yeah, yeah, celestial being, yada, yada, yada …”

“Anyway Darling, it’s strange that we’re talking about navigating one’s way through the darkness, because …”


“If you wish to proceed, I have tentatively set up a meeting with your sister.”

“Which one?”

“Filia Ab Rubrum Undecim.”

“Ohhh, goody gumdrops, I get to meet my monstrous, red and shiny sister?”

“If you wish, I will make it happen.”

“Yes, please do mother!”

“A word of warning though Filia …”


“Filia Ab Rubrum Undecim is not a fun-loving DemGel like yourself, she is a soulless killing machine who simply exists to kill, maim and mutilate.”

Doddie gazed at her mother and said, “Gee, she sounds really nice mom.”

“Filia ab Rubrum Undecim, or as I call her, Little Pookey Wookey, mainly hangs out in the war zones, because the war zones offer her an unlimited supply of vicious and evil victims; but currently, she is here, right here in New York.”

“I’d love to meet her.”

“Okay, I will get in touch with her, so at this stage, keep tomorrow night free.”

“I will,” Doddie replied, then she asked, “How do I find her?”

“Worry not sweet child, Little Pookey Wookey will find you.”

“Ohhh golly jingles, I’m so excited!”

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