Georgia, 12 Point.

What if Wall Street were in Georgia?

I don’t mean the US state, nor do I mean the Eurasian country. I don’t even mean the Georgian Soviet Socialist Republic, precursor to the current republic. I mean the good Georgia. That’s right, you know the one. I speak about Georgia, the unincorporated community of New Jersey.

I understand that if Wall Street were in Georgia, it would not be moved very far. Only about 50 miles, approximately. But I think many things would change. For one, I think there would exist an envious person dressed as a Japanese schoolgirl with an axe for a head. I also think that she would have a blonde friend with a face hidden behind an old welding mask. I imagine this girl with the welding mask would also carry around a small yellow rubber duckie, for comfort.

This document will serve to record my various musings about the things that may occur, should Wall Street be moved to Georgia. All this is based in fact, more or less.

Before we begin, I would like to make one thing clear. My name is Rob, and I am the narrator and author. I made these words. I control what you read. Thus, I hold power over you. Fear not, I will not abuse it.

I recall that many years ago, my literature teacher in high school made the class read Slaughterhouse-Five, a novel by Kurt Vonnegut. It is excellent, but that is not the point. The teacher made us analyze the novel through treating the narrator as his own character. Something about that never sat well with me. Clearly, the narrator was also the author himself, but this viewpoint was forbidden. I still dislike that. It upsets me. I think we should give Kurt some credit.

I am here now, telling you that I am not another character. My name is Rob, and I am the narrator and author. I am not so vain as to think my words will be analyzed like Vonnegut’s. I simply want to clarify that I am me. I think.

Regardless of who I am, I will now document the happenings of would-be Georgia Wall Street, and those who live there and do things.

Normal things, for normal people.

“This is the epitaph. No, I mean epithet. Epitome?
Epipen? Hold on, I’ll look it up.
Ah, epigraph.”

―Weldie McWeldface