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Dumb Humour

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Just a small collection of sketch/comic ideas I've written. They're very random but kinda funny.

Humor / Fantasy
Age Rating:

Batting Practice

Two young men, one with ragged black hair and the other with neat blonde hair, both dressed in padded leather armor, have entered a forest on a quest to hunt monsters. They are currently surrounded by multiple goblin corpses. An almost unbearable stench wafts through the air. Facing them is a large, masculine goblin wearing leather armor and holding a greatsword.

“Dave, it’s a goblin warrior. We need to take our time and wear it down!” yells the blonde haired man to the ragged haired young man.

“Don’t worry Jack! I got this!” The black haired man shouts before whipping out a fuzzy black object, equipped with two curved appendages in the shape of wings. He swiftly dashes towards the goblin and violently drives the head of his ‘weapon’ towards it.

“PHIIIIII!!” a loud shrieking is heard from the bat, before the goblin is sent flying into a tree.....”See? I took care of it easily.” Dave says as he caresses his shrieking ‘weapon’ holding it by its short tail..

“Dave! What the hell is that?!” shouts Jack pointing at the object in Dave’s hand.
“What do you mean? It’s my weapon of course?”
“....That is a bat.”
“Course it is. It’s my legendary spiritual weapon. You like it?” Dave says with a grin.
“That is not a weapon! That is a living thing!!”
“Well Duh! Its got a spirit so it’s definitely gonna be alive..they dont call it a spiritual weapon for nothing, y’know.”
“That is not a spiritual weapon! It’s a freaking animal! Look it’s even struggling and crying for help!”
The ‘weapon’ shrieks as it tries to struggle its tail out of his grasp. Flap! Flap!
In its struggle, its wings continue to slap Dave’s face.

“See now you’ve just gone and made it mad. Just because it’s a powerful weapon of death does not make it an animal!”
A lone surviving goblin sneaks up on the duo, but unfortunately Dave quickly notices the goblin as he nears them and flings the bat, no, his weapon, towards it, crushing it into smush in one blow.
“You’re just jealous cause I’ve got such a cool weapon..” Dave says mockingly as he returns his gaze to Jack.
“I’m not bloody jealous! and for the last time that is not a weapon-“
“Phiii...phiii” The bat cries weakly...
“Its even got some blood on it! Let that poor thing go!”
“Oh it must’ve gotten dirty from smashing the goblins. Lemme polish that off.” Dave says as he grabs a cloth to wipe the Fuzzy Gray creature, whose nose seems to be stained with blood.
“........Give me the bat.”
“Give it here!”
“No! It’s mine!”
“ROOOOARRR!” A loud roar interrupts them as a red scaled winged creature begins diving towards the group.
“Shit, it’s a dragon! Ruun!!” Jack screams.
“NO I’VE GOT THIIIS!!” Dave yells as he swings the bat towards the dragon with a fierce battle cry.

—Some Time Later—

Two figures are sitting on logs, illuminated by the flickering flames of a camp fire, each holding a skewered piece of cooked meat on it.....
“Dragon meat is good, innit?” Dave asks.
Jack turns his head towards the bat whose head is planted into the ground like a stick.
Returning his gaze to the skewer with a deadpan expression he replies,”.....yeah I guess it is.” before tearing his teeth into the Dragon flesh.
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