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Welcome to Curlyland

By Scott Barry Harper All Rights Reserved ©

Drama / Humor


OK, so the 7th Mayan Prophecy didn’t come true and the world didn’t end in 2012. This made a lot of street preachers very angry. But that doesn’t mean that the 8th Mayan Prophecy can’t come true right guys? Find out what happens when it does: A 17 year old kid with Attention Deficit Disorder named Curly accidentally becomes the ruler of the whole world and endeavours to change it however he pleases. Will he listen to the council of his closest advisers? Will he really change the world for the better? And what will happen to a close knit group of friends trying to survive on wits alone in the wake of Curly's worldwide social and political revolution? After all, we’re not entirely certain Curly is paying attention anyway… Welcome to Curlyland!

Chapter 1: Tourism

“If we ever actually get our shit together and aliens came to visit, they should feel welcome and shit.”

- Curly

Hello Guests! Welcome to The Department of Funky Town!

Formally known as the Curlyland Information and Tourist Center for Extra Terrestrials, this facility was first opened in 2035 by His Excellency King Curly McAwesome as a dedication to his life’s accomplishments. The facility took one thousand money addicts nearly four years to complete. Music from the band “Gwar” is the only music allowed to be played within these walls as Curly has made “Gwar” his personal religion. Freedom of religion is encouraged in Curlyland and The Church of Gwar makes literature and discographies available should our guests be interested in joining.

Right now we are in the entrance and foyer area of the facility. Known commonly as “The Hall of Hello”, it was designed by His Excellency himself and contains 300 portraits of King Curly giving slightly different versions of the thumbs up; his favorite response to questions that he did not fully understand. The hall itself is over 700 feet long with a moving floor to help reduce exercise and conserve energy. To quote His Excellency, “Walking is a total asshole.”

You will have noticed that, over the years, everyday items have had their names changed. These new names are all part of a new language known as “Curlyspeak”. The reason Curly invented this language is so that proper nouns can also denote their purpose. This makes it easier on His Excellency’s memory due to his inability to pay attention. King Curly refuses medication usually prescribed to people with Attention Deficit Disorder because, to once again quote His Excellency, “They taste like shit when you chew them.” Curlyland scientists are currently working on A.D.D. medication in the form of gummy bears. Science has become a respected field of study in Curlyland since the proclamation that progress should be paramount to profit in Curlyland Society.

On our tour through the life of King Curly, we will be regaled with audio confessionals and journals from those that have known, grown up with and worked with His Excellency. There will also be exhibits featuring personal items and trinkets formally belonging to our more revered leader. However, please be warned that while we here at The Department of Funky Town encourage questions, we do discourage touching any of the artifacts for your own safety… especially in the case of our “Curly: The Collage Days” Exhibit. To nail the point home, an overly excited guest lay upon Curly’s dorm room bed and had to be placed in quarantine. As a result, He has been made to remain there for the last 3 years with a disease named after him. It is not a pleasant sight.

I hope you all enjoy learning about our most revered and fearless leader here at The Department of Funky Town. We are often in search of ideas on improving the tour and the facility so please feel free to fill out a comment card and don’t forget to visit the gift shop.

Welcome to Curlyland!

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