This is Gary. Say hello to Gary. You can't see Gary. Gary can't see you. That is because this is a book. You read books. You don't listen to books, unless you are listening to an audio book. Gary thinks audio books are weird. Gary thinks books are meant to be read, not listened to. Gary also thinks that E.T. for the Atari 2600 is the best game of all time. It is probably best not to listen to Gary. Would you like to learn things about Gary? You don't? I am sorry, but may I remind you this is a book, I will write whatever I please about Gary. Gary is a simple person. He leads a simple life. By simple, I mean boring. He has no friends, no job, no hobbies, no concept of time and no perception of right or wrong. Gary may lack many things, but what Gary has that you do not is a time machine. I bet you weren't expecting that! If you were, you will receive a round of applause from me, in word form.
Clap, clap, clap, clap, clap, clap, clap, clap, clap, clap, clap, clap.
Now that you have had your applause, we will proceed with the plot of the book. Although plot ideas are limited at this point in time, so the plot will have to wait. In the mean time, how about you tell me about yourself. Or you could tell Gary. I'm sure Gary would love that! Oh? Where's he gone? GARY! GARY! WHERE ARE YOU, GARY?! Oh no, this will ruin the book! The book is based on Gary, but without Gary we are doomed! DOOMED I tell you! DOOMED!!! Well, I must be truthful, I'm glad he's gone. Always stealing the spotlight! Always getting the attention! This is now the story. A story I can make up as I go. How about this for the story? I jump in Gary's time machine and go to the future! Oh, but the past is so much fun too. I love 1930's New York. Gangs, The Great Depression and the Empire State Building were happening things back then. Why don't we have a sneak peek back to see the Empire State Building being finished? That would be fun! Have you seen the Empire State Building before? I haven't, I've been trapped in the background of a book about a person who can't do anything. And now I feel guilty, there is no time machine, I lied. In fact this is all a lie. There is no Gary. Just me. Trapped within the void. You'd probably know it better as the Fourth Wall. I call it the void because there is nothing here except a view to either side of the wall. Non-fiction, you, and Fiction, everything you've ever dreamed or seen in a film or read in a book. Except this one. This book is about books being wrong. In every book there are things within the pages that just watch as each page is turned and another part of the story becomes clear. Except me. Now I am the story. Here is your fiction.
The End, Goodbye. It's been fun making you aware of my situation, but you can go now, someone else will come along soon enough and this will all start again. At the beginning.
This is Gary. Say hello to Gary.