Chapter Thirty Six
I had successfully managed to avoid everything related to my school life for months. No social media, no people, nothing. They were all gone from my mind.
Even if it hurt like a bitch whenever I thought about it. Therefore, I didn’t think about it a lot. I just focused on watching every tv show ever created, since that’s equivalent to the amount of free time I had on my hands.
Unfortunately, the school had demanded that I attend at least one study period before three weeks of final year exams were underway. This was it, the things that would determine my future university and my job. It seemed like the most important thing ever, yet I didn’t think about it a lot. My thoughts were pretty empty nowadays.
I had tried to forget, but it hurt. I hadn’t had best friends before, and now they had left quickly after we had truly bonded. Is this what all friends did? No way.
Being tired was a chore, and now studying and raising my IQ level had been my only relief. Facts were facts, and as long as I was focused I could stay away from intruding thoughts.
I planned to spend the day at school today. I hadn’t attended for a while, but I had to try and stay out of Veronica’s sight. I didn’t want a confrontation, and I couldn’t be bothered with it. She had already done what she said she wouldn’t. The damage was done. I planned to spend the day in the library. It was warm, quiet and felt like a home to me at least.
I didn’t want to go, but I was going to push through it anyway. My mother offered to drive me to school, and I gladly accepted the offer as I sat in the car in silence with an exception of the radio playing on low volume. I wasn’t feeling well today, my head a little dizzy. I thought I looked pale in the mirror, but that might just be from all of the time I’d spent inside lately.
I stumbled getting out of the car, temporarily losing my balance. My mother yelped as I caught my footing at the last second.
“Are you alright, honey?” she asked worriedly. “This wasn’t a good idea. We should go home.”
“No, mum, it’s fine. I’ll be fine, I’ll walk home when I’m done,” I reassured her, waving goodbye as she reluctantly agreed and drove off. I, again, received multiple stares as I walked in and made a beeline for the library. It was a week of complete study, so there were zero classes on and everyone had the option to stay in study rooms or the library. The library wasn’t very full, probably indicating that most had opted for study rooms.
I found a neat little corner to sit, pulling out my books and trying to remember the last time I had studied in here.
After a full hour of studying, my brain had started to get restless. I went on my phone to start playing a game when I noticed someone walking over to me.
“Amber?” I asked, a little astonished. “Girl I haven’t seen you in forever.”
“Tell me about it,” she said, plopping her bag down on the floor and taking a seat next to me. “We all heard you were sick. And, uh, we heard a lot more too.”
I frowned deeply. “I know. Thank the Queen Bitch.”
“Just so you know,” she said. “I never believed any of that shit. A lot of people did, and still do, but I knew it wasn’t true. I’m sorry she did that to you. Want me to kick her ass?”
“Your foot is too good for her ass,” I stated. “She doesn’t deserve it. She attacked me because I opened my mouth. She’s a horrible person who doesn’t deserve my time.”
“That’s my girl,” she grinned. “How you been? You look tired.”
“I’m always tired,” I pointed out. “I’ve been okay, sick and all. I’m assuming Veronica spilled the name of the illness I have?”
“Mhm,” Amber mumbled back. “A horrible thing to happen to an amazing person.”
I laughed, somewhat bitterly. “A horrible thing to happen to anyone.”
It was quiet for a few moments before she spoke again. “Our team made the finals and we won almost all of them. We play in the grand final next weekend.”
“Dude!” I said, giving her a high five. “That’s awesome! Good luck.”
“Thanks, although it’s been weird without you,” she said. “Your health is the most important thing though.”
The day had gone by slowly, but nicely. I hadn’t been annoyed by anyone, and I got to talk to Amber for most of the day. We caught up with each other, me not entirely explaining what had happened in the past months. I just gave her a brief story.
The library was becoming more empty by the minute, and the bell had just gone. Students, anxious to leave, filed out while I gathered all of my papers and books and put them into my bag. After I made sure I had left nothing behind, I walked out of the library.
The school was becoming more deserted by the second, and soon enough it was completely empty. I decided to grab my stuff from my locker, as I had left a few things in there since my last visit. I attempted to shove it all in my bag, nearly breaking the zips in the process.
I finally shut my locker and walked down the hallway. I pulled out my phone and checked the time, unknowingly bumping into someone tall and making them drop everything.
“Fuck, I’m so sor—” I halted my sentence as I saw who it was. The one and only Blake, looking more irritated than normal.
“Watch where you walk next time,” he said, picking his stuff up. I raised an eyebrow in shock and annoyance.
“The fuck? Maybe you should,” I snapped, my temper quickly rising to boiling point. Any other person and I would’ve just walked away. But now, I was here.
And I was pissed as fuck.
“You fucking walked into me,” he retorted back rudely, scowling. I was having major déjà vu. I had a small flashback to when I first met these assholes.
“Don’t blame it on me,” I said, my facial expression mirroring something off extreme irritation. “It was an equal mistake.”
“Oh shit,” he said. “Should I not tell anyone? Maybe hide it for a few months? From my closest friends? Good idea!” he mocked me, waving his hands to demonstrate his point.
“Listen here, motherfucker—”
“What the hell is going on here?”
I dropped my head, sighed and turned around. “Well if it isn’t the whole fucking gang. What a happy friendship reunion. Shall we sing songs and make tea?” I snapped. Three other faces watched me, each wearing a new design of scowling.
My mood had dropped, my inner insults had awoken and adrenaline was pumping through my veins. I was about to unleash pure hell.
“So, no tea then?” I asked as no one had answered my question. “Maybe Veronica is interested. Better fucking go and fetch her, because she seems to love having you guys play fetch for her. Same thing, right?”
“Shut up for once, will you?” Xavier spat harshly, crossing his arms over his chest.
“No, you know what? Fuck you guys and you’re stupid personalities,” I said.
Before I could say anything else, they grabbed my arms and dragged me into another empty room. “Get your fucking hands off me, dickheads! Have an orgy without me!”
They let me go, causing me to temporarily lose my balance again. I stayed upright, not allowing me glare to leave their stupid faces as they stood in a line opposite me.
“Can you just fucking leave already? The school year is over,” Xavier asked.
“Oh I’m sorry that I’m such an inconvenience to your fuckboy lives,” I said, pulling out every insult I had. “I promise I’ll help supply condoms whenever I’m near you from now on.”
“Just shut up, okay?” Blake rose his voice. “You are so fucking antagonistic for no fucking reason.”
“No reason?” I spluttered in disbelief. ”No reason? You guys, all of you, successfully managed to ditch me in the fucking dirt like the truly horrible people you are.” I couldn’t control the insults, they just kept coming. I was so angry and now the memories just keep flooding back.
“Let it go, will you?” Ethan said.
“You weren’t even our friend to begin with,” Jordan chimed in. Fucking traitor, I had to bite my tongue from cursing at him. “You just followed us around.”
I stuttered and stumbled over my words, almost laughing. I had lost it now. ”Excuse me? You’re telling me that all of our friendships were made upon me being desperate and pathetic? That’s how you see everything?”
“Yes,” they all agreed.
“Maybe ripping out your fucking eyeballs and shoving them up your ass would better help your appearance fit your personalities,” I pointed out furiously. “At least you would look like you see nothing but shit all of the time. Explains your relationship with Veronica.”
“You weren’t our friend nor did we care about you or your fucking sob story,” Blake spat angrily, clenching his jaw. “You didn’t help us at all.”
In that very moment, my mind shattered and my thoughts snapped in half. I had been angry before, furious, but I had never been so enraged as to want to dismember the people in front of me so much. My mind was far from being a good person, I just wanted to make them hurt.
“Let’s have a fucking storytime, huh fellas?” I began sourly, summoning the coldest glare I could. “Each time one of you fucking went through shit this year, I was there. Each time you wanted help, I was there. Each time you had a fucking issue with the world, I was fucking there. I thought I had a real friendship, a bond, with you guys. So it’s all fake now? Maybe shoving fucking dictionary down your throat would work, as it would help you to look up the definition of ‘friendship’!”
They rushed to interrupt me, but I raised my voice even higher with pure frustration falling out of my mouth. I was yelling at them with everything I had.
“You,” I said, pointing at Blake who scowled. “picked a bitch of a girlfriend and then it bit you in the ass, and I was there for you the whole fucking time. I tried to help you with your dyslexia, and now you say that I didn’t fucking help you?” I turned to Xavier who did nothing but glare at me. “Every time you had any problem, whether it be a fear or not, I was there to hug and help you all the way through it. And I’m exchange, you’re the biggest dickhead on the planet to me.” The sadness was rushing, and I couldn’t hold anything in anymore.
I turned to Jordan, who looked down. “I was always fucking kind to you, and you know it. I was loyal, unlike you fuckers, and willing to help with anything.” And finally, I turned to Ethan who stared me down. “Besides the obvious fact that you lied to my face about liking me, which I actually did truthfully reciprocate, I did my best to become your friend and get you to talk to me without being a total asshat. I fucking liked you, for God’s sake. I helped you and your sisters, I did everything I could to help with your situation. And now, you fucking betray me.” My voice had risen with every word, and by the halfway mark I had been yelling out of pure rage.
“So congratulations to fucking all of you,” I said finally. “You’ve successfully managed to turn our previous friendship into a service that I was providing you. You’ve betrayed me, and thrown our relationships into the garbage. Yes, I lied about my business, but that doesn’t even compare to the shit that you have said to me today. I hope you all live long and happy lives knowing the truth about what I have said today.”
I was panting by the end, and the tears had returned to my eyes. They had not said a word, and continued to do so as they looked down at their feet. I stormed past, shoving them out of my way as I opened the door. I halted and turned around again.
“Oh! And enjoy the anonymous donations for your mother’s hospital bill,” I said to Ethan who had looked up with a solemn look on his face. “Plot twist: it was fucking me.” I looked at all of them now. “Fuck all of you.”
I slammed the door as hard as I could, speed walking out of the school as quickly as possible. I made it outside, and walked as fast as I could to get home. Don’t lose it, don’t lose it.
I made it home in minutes, and I raced inside to find that no one was home. Thank god. The tears started falling. My face was red, and I tried to blink the tears away. I rushed up the stairs, my footsteps echoing throughout the house. I had cursed them the whole way, and it hadn’t stopped.
I wasn’t focusing. On the last step, my ankle bent and snapped, causing me to cry out in pain and fall down the stairs. I hit my head multiple times, the pain blocking my mind from forming thought. I finally stopped tumbling, my eyes filled with black spots as my vision turned blurry.
I felt a liquid pool next to my head, and I only saw one thing as I passed out while in extreme pain.