Dude's A Lady

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Chapter Thirty

“Get out of bed, your stank is masking my stank!” Antoine clapped waking me up. Groggily, I sat up in my bed and glared at him.

It had been a solid week since we returned to Boston. A week since I came to the conclusion that I not only liked Ty, but I liked Blake too. And a week since I’ve tried to hide from the truth under my sheets.

“Do your fucking laundry then!” I snapped draping my bed sheets over my head, and diving back into my own oblivion.

“How dare you! You know the last time I did laundry, I bleached my favorite polo pink!” Antoine huffed grasping the sheets and swiping it off me. I ignored him and returned to the fetal position.

“Leave me alone Antoine.” I sighed in defeat. “I just want to be left alone.” I added softly to myself.

I had grown to hate myself in the past week. Leave it to me to complicate things. I liked two very different boys who just so happen to be former best friends. These two boys had befriended me and I easily fell for their charm.

Why? Because I’m an idiot.

“What’s going on with you?” Antoine asked softly sitting at the foot of my bed. “I know it isn’t your time of the month-you and the rest of the girls are synced. And you guys haven’t scared the crap out of me yet, this month.” he joked. Against my mood, I cracked a small chuckle. “I knew that would make you laugh. Now tell me what’s going on with you.” he said.

I slowly sat up and stared at him. I know I had overreacted by staying in bed all week, but I was in distress.

I liked two guys who lived in a faraway land. Two guys who were older than me. Two guys that are heading off to college in a couple short months.

The more I say it to myself, the more ridiculous it sounds. Maybe I should just be an ace, they never have to deal with matters of the heart.

“Spit it out Vi.” Antoine nudged me when I let my mind drift off.

“I like Ty-”

“We so called it!” Antoine screeched, clapping his hands happily. I raised my eyebrow, annoyed that he had interrupted me. “Sorry. It’s just that when Ty visited you, we all suspected that something was going on.” he explained sheepishly.

“But that’s the thing….nothing is going on. He doesn’t know.” I sighed rubbing my temples from an on coming migraine.

“So? Why don’t you tell him? Come on Vi, you’re a smart girl.” Antoine said as he lounged on my bed. If only he knew…..

“Because I like Blake too.” I added, wincing.

“Two guys? Hold up-wait a minute- let me get some gossip with it.” he said in a sing song voice. “Blake? The boy Blake that called you when we almost killed you? The cute guy at the airport who stayed quiet and only had eyes for you? That Blake, that’s the guy you like?”

“Yep and I like two boys who are polar opposites.” I grumbled throwing myself down again. “Antoine, what should I do?” I asked desperately.

“What the hell do you mean?”

“What do I do? I like them both, guide me ole wise one.” I begged him.

“Do they know that you like them?” he raised his eyebrow.

“Of course not! I’m not an idiot Antoine. I feel offended.” I scoffed, crossing my arms.

“Then you have nothing to worry about.” he shrugged. I gaped at him openly, what the hell does he mean I have nothing to worry about? “Okay, Vivian these two boys are ten hours away. Why are you letting this get to you?”

“Because…..well because…..I’m not sure. But I can’t help this wretched feeling in the pit of my stomach.” I admitted and it was driving me crazy.

“Listen Vi, you can’t do anything about it if you’re here and they’re….there. So suck it up because you are a damn Maddie Dale girl! You are number one in your design program. You are smart and beautiful and if I wasn’t gay, then I would respectfully ask to be all over you. So why are you letting two boys throw you off?” He ranted, serving me a hot plate of truth.

“You’re right.” I agreed softly.

“Of fucking course I’m right! Now get your ass up and hit those showers because I’m taking you out! And I refuse to let you chase men off because of your stank!” Antoine snapped shoving me off my bed. Antoine assumed I was supposed to land on my feet but he must have forgot I wasn’t a cat.

So with all the determination I had. I lifted myself off the ground and hit the showers because Antoine was right. I was a successful design student, I haf competition to think about. I didn’t need two boys who were hours away bringing me down.

I wasn’t going to solve anything hiding in my sheets…..plus Antoine wasn’t kidding. I reeked of dirty gym clothes worn by a homeless alcoholic.

“Oh and Vi?” Antoine called aftet me.

“Yeah?”

“Don’t choose any clothes, I have your whole outfit planned out.” he smirked before shoving me out of the room. I frowned, confused and a little scared to what Antoine’s outfit for me entailed.


And feared I did. I glared at my brothers reflection in disdain. I had sworn I would never gender swap again.

“You look hot.” Antoine smirked circling me.

“Déjà vu.” I rolled my eyes before I focused my glare on Antoine. “You’re only saying that because you think my brother is cute.”

“Not denying it.” he raised his hands. “So how long do you think his fling with Sophia, last?” he asked off-handed. I stared at him flatly because I think we both knew the answer to that question.

“I think she’s the one for him.” I said confidently. “You don’t know my brother. This guy has literally no passion about anything. Football is just a high school thing for him. It was always just an extra curricular. Nicky was just a girl he really liked. I thought he would settle for her because it seemed he was under her spell or something. Then Sophia came along and I guess something clicked for them. When I saw them together, I had never seen my brother so strung out.” I rattled off.

“Whoa.” Antoine muttered. “A simple, ’he’s straight’, would have sufficed.” he joked.

“Seriously though, why am I my brothers doppelganger again? This makes me highly uncomfortable.” I grouched, itching the wig from hell.

“Well dear friend, that’s because I’m taking you to a gentlemen’s club. You need to look the part and looking at your brothers face is more for my benefit than yours.” he smiled cheekily.

“Your solution to my slump is to take me to a gay bar!” I snapped agitated.

“It’s called a gentlemen’s club.” he pointed out. “And yes. These men are gay and they are great for listening. I need to vent about my breakup and you need to vent about your twilight saga. We both need this.” he explained.

“So I’m Sawyer again?” I frowned sheepishly.

“Just until midnight Cinderfella, and I’m your fairy god brotha from another motha! So lace up those sick kicks and let’s go out and meet hot men that are totally out of your reach!” he cheered dragging me out of our dorm and into Boston’s night scene.


“Okay Vi, let’s hear your best Sawyer impression.” Antoine demanded as we stood outside the club.

“I love black because it matches my soul. I’ll forever live in my twins sisters shadow and the girl of dreams is out of my league.” I said mimicking my brothers voice. Antoine stared at me flatly.

“I highly doubt your brother would say that. But the voice is creepily on point.” he admitted.

“Thanks.” I smirked in Sawyers signature nature. Full of arrogance.

“Now lets get in there and forget our problems.” he smiled taking me by the arm and guiding me into a world I had been familiar with before. The world of guy—except these were gay guys so I guess it’s different rules for a different playground?

I glanced around at the packed club. House music was pulsing loudly that it tickled my ears. The room was dark, saved for the many glow in the dark accessories everyone was wearing.

Antoine motioned me to a bar near the back. Holding tightly to his hand, I let him guide me through the see of dancing men. I squealed in surprise when someone accidentally cupped my butt in passing.

Yeah, this was such a great idea….

“One sex on the beach and one red sangria.” Antoine ordered for the both of us.

“Nice try kid, but you need an i.d.” the bartender said as if this wasn’t the first time he’d seen Antoine.

“Oh come on Xander, don’t be a buzz kill. My friend and I really need a let up.” Antoine pouted cutely.

“No way, last time I let you drink it was a disaster.” the bartender, Xander reminded him. Antoine scoffed, offended.

“You act like it was bad.” he rolled his eyes.

“You pushed a go go dancer off his platform and twerked to a Madonna track.” Xander stated flatly.

“No one got hurt.” Antoine waved off stubbornly.

“Actually the dancer twisted his ankle-”

“Minor details.” Antoine argued.

“He fell on a couple who were holding glasses wine and that shattered on their hands. Then the dancer had a piece of glass stuck in his shoulder that had to taken out by a doctor.” Xander relayed for Antoine.

“So drinks or naw?” Antoine raised his eyebrow in his signature sassy nature.

“Noo never!” Xander snapped turning his back on us and serving the others around us.

“Gentlemen’s club?” I raised my eyebrow. Antoine shrugged sheepishly.

“I turn into quite the wild child when you get a couple sangria’s in me.” Antoine confessed.

“I see that, but it’s fine. B-because I am not going to drink anytime soon.” I assured him.

“That statement is invalid tonight. I need you liquored up because you need to loosen up and be happy. And liquor always makes me happy.” Antoine said determined to get me drunk.

“We need to have a little talk about alcoholism my friend.” I stated sarcastically.

“I have an idea!” Antoine exclaimed completely ignoring me. “We’re going to flirt for drinks. Now lets find our victims.”

“Are you crazy? I don’t exactly meet anyone’s expectations here. I lack a certain limb that you guys are attracted to.” I argued hotly refusing to see Antoine’s plan through.

“We’re flirting with them not offering them out bodies you slut!” Antoine hissed.

“Who are you calling a slut, you twerking primadonna!” I retorted.

“Stop fighting with me you idiot! Let me get you drunk because I’m a great friend you dimwit.” he argued.

“Spending the night with you, I’ll need a damn bar to cope with you.” I grumbled.

“So is that a yes?” he asked happily.

“Are you promising me enough liquor to drown you out?” I asked.

“Darling, I’m offering you enough liquor, you’ll be in the hospital over night pumping out the poison.” he smirked.

“Sold.” I relented. And thus the night of a crossdressing teenage girl with her gay roommate began.

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