Chapter Forty Three
I shook Sawyer awake and narrowly dodged his hand as he swatted for me. He groaned and cracked open one eye, and stared at me wearily. “What?” He grumbled in a groggy voice.
It had been nearly a week since we put up Christmas decorations. I thought with dad and Laura around, I would get out of my slump. Distract myself with my family and the holidays. I even spent some time chatting with my friends over the phone or through FaceTime. But nothing helped.
When I wasn’t around the family, talking to the intimidation nation, or sketching designs. I was locked up in my room, with Bon Iver, playing his sweet sad songs on low. Usually I curled up in my pajamas, and stared at my bare walls, wondering and hoping.
I dreaded leaving my room and some days I couldn’t force myself out of it. Some days, I’d make excuses to isolate myself. Not that I truly wanted to, but I couldn’t find it in me to feign a smile or a laugh. It was hard and I realized that I was heartbroken.
I was truly and utterly broken because of one boy. Because of Blake. I knew how upset I was about Ty and I thought that hurt. But when Blake walked away, it was like hearing every goodbye I had ever heard, happen all at once.
My heart chose him, and I didn’t want to fight that feeling anymore.
“I need your help.” I said bluntly. “I need you to help me find Blake’s house. I need to talk to him.”
Sawyer yawned and stretched out his arms. “It’s about time.” he mumbled, throwing off his blanket and shoving his shoes on. “Let’s go.” he said without glancing at me, as he headed for the door.
“Wait, aren’t you going to ask why I need to find him?” I furrowed my brows. Sawyer stopped and turned to me, and stared at me flatly.
“You’re going to tell him that you choose him, aren’t you?” he raised his eyebrow knowingly.
“You don’t know that. I could go to his house and ask how the weather is. You don’t know my life.” I scoffed, crossing my arms. Sawyer chuckled, and threw my shoes at me. I yelped and dodged out of the way. The whole catching thing, still wasn’t my forte.
“Get your shoes on, and we’ll go to his place.” Sawyer directed me, shuffling downstairs to start the car. I smiled and shoved on my boots and coat.
I couldn’t see why I took so long to realize that Blake was the one. He was the one that made my heart race and without reason. His love wasn’t the kind you’d see coming. It was like a love that lived in the shadows and when it came out, it was overwhelming. He was an overwhelming kind of love.
Without Blake, I couldn’t think straight. I couldn’t get out of bed, much less my room. It was a love that left you empty when it was gone. I didn’t want to forget that feeling, because I didn’t want to lose Blake. Not again. Not ever.
He was the one.
“Okay so repeat the plan, and this time please reevaluate the scaling a building part.” Sawyer sneered, he had become some sort of chicken shit since I went away to school. The Sawyer I knew and loved, lived for exciting shit like this.
He’s gone soft. The shame.
“It’s two in the morning Saw, scaling his house is the only way I’ll get his attention.” I explained, “He won’t pick up his phone this late, and i’m sure everyone in the house will hear his phone go off when I call. This is the only way. We’re going full out, balcony scene.”
“How am I going to get you up there anyway?” he asked wearily, staring at the house. I looked around and tried to find anything that could help. A tree, a vine, perhaps an escalator? But nothing was around. Then my eyes wandered over to their detached garage. I tugged on Sawyer’s sleeve and dragged him to the building.
“There has to be a ladder in there.” I said, pulling on the garage doors with little to no success. Sawyer grumbled and yanked a bobby pin from my hair. I yelped in pain, and rubbed the sore spot. “What the hell!” I glared at Sawyer who ignored me and worked his magic.
I watched as Sawyer picked the lock in less than a minute. The door popped open and Sawyer smirked at me arrogantly. “You can thank all my years of sneaking in and out of the house for that.” he said as he tossed me back my mangled bobby pin.
“Thanks.” I mumbled, entering the shed in search of anything that would be of use. Sawyer and I rummaged through what we could before we found a ladder hidden behind old boxes. I would have settled on something else, but we were burning time now.
“Uh, I don’t think we should-” Sawyer began to protest as we lugged the less than sturdy ladder to the house. “use this hunk of shit. What if you fall?” he tried to reason with me.
“If I fall, then this will be way easier for me. I can use the sympathy card.” I shrugged, as we leaned the ladder against the wall. “Okay, I’ll climb up and knock on his window. When or if he lets me in, I’ll give you a signal.”
“What’s the signal?” he asked.
“What kind of whistle.”
“I don’t know Saw, is now the time for questions?”
“Well it’s past midnight, and I was sleeping, so I can ask whatever I want.” He retorted. I glared at him flatly, but I didn’t argue. He was doing me a huge favor driving me around tonight.
“I’ll whistle the first few bars of ’please, please, please, let me get what I want’ and that’s our signal. Okay?”
“That song choice though.” Sawyer chuckled.
“You can never go wrong with The Smiths.” I smirked, clambering up the ladder. I almost reached the window when I stepped on a faulty rung. I gasped, and my hand shot out to hold the window sill automatically. My foot dangled mid-air, trying to get a hold of the ladder, but it crashed on the ground loudly when I tried to reach it. I winced and held onto the window sill for dear life.
“Fuck me softly with a chainsaw.” I panted nervously.
“Vi, are you okay?” Sawyer hissed. I panted and dared to look below me. Sawyer was scrambling to pick up the ladder.
“Oh i’m fine, you know just….fucking dangling onto dear life!” I snapped, completely terrified. I could feel my fingers slipping, and I knew if I didn’t act fast then my cause of death would be ‘faulty butterfingers’. Using as much strength and caution as I could, I used my free hand to pound on the window.
I quickly placed my free hand back on the window sill when I began to slip, and tried to use my upper body strength to keep me afloat. No matter how hard I tried to convince myself that all my working out was worth it. My arms were like ’bitch you thought’.
After what seemed like a lifetime, with features of my life flashing before my eyes, the window finally opened. I was surprised when I found Sophia instead of Ty. “Vi, what the hell?” she hissed, her eyes growing wide in shock.
“No time for questions, pull me in would you?” I panted, frantically. Sophia scrambled to pull me into the safety of her room. Unfortunately for us, she was as weak as a twig and we both crashed onto the floor painfully. “Fuck me softly with a chainsaw.” I groaned, rolling onto my side where I knew a bruise would soon form.
“Shit Vi, did you fucking eat a barn before you got here?” Soph groaned, rubbing the back of her head. I shot her a flat glare, “What are you doing here anyway? It’s like the dead of night.” she furrowed her brows in confusion.
I sat up and glanced at her room. It was a simple pale purple room, with photos and a twinkly lights over her bed. “I was hoping to talk to Ty, but I guess I miscalculated his bedroom window.” I shrugged sheepishly. Sophia pointed to the next room.
“He’s one over.”
“Do you mind?” I asked awkwardly, hooking my thumb in the general direction. “Sawyer’s in your backyard, just an f.y.i.” I added.
“Go ahead, I think I’ll go see Saw. He’s still insistent that I’m mad at him over our fight.” She rolled her eyes. I chuckled and shook my head. My brother and Sophia had made up, but he was still nervous about her being angry at him and he’d been a hopeless puppy trying to get her to forgive him. Only thing was, I don’t think she was ever all that angry, just hurt over the Icky Nicky of it all.
“Thanks Soph and good luck with my crazy brother.” I winked at her, teasingly.
“Good luck with mine.” she countered, but she looked earnest about it. “And Vi?”
“Give him the truth. He deserves that.”
“Ty, wake up.” I whispered, shaking his body. He groaned and pushed my face away.
“Soph you have five seconds to get out, or i’m gonna….” he trailed off, turning over to sleep again.
“It’s not Soph.” I whispered, resting my hand on his shoulder. Ty froze under my touch, then his hand reached over and touched mine. His fingers tightened around mine, and I knew no matter how much I didn’t want him to get hurt, it was going to happen.
“Vi? What are you doing here?” he asked, furrowing his brows. I smiled, and caressed his messy bed hair.
“I came to talk. Can we talk?” I spoke softly to hide the nerves in my voice. Ty frowned and sat up.
“Sure, what’s wrong?”
“Um…” I hesitated and looked away. I didn’t know how to tell him without hurting him. But then I realized, no matter how I put it, Ty was still going to be hurt. It was an inevitable, and there was no way around that. “I told Blake everything.”
Ty sat up straighter and tried to study my reaction. “Everything? Including operation ‘switch-a-twin’?” he asked. I nodded silently as flashes of his lost and hurt face, filtered my memory. “He didn’t take it well, did he?” he guessed correctly.
“He took it as well as one person who was lied to, could take it.” I cleared my throat, “I told him a week ago, and I’ve been a wreck since. I didn’t understand at first why I had been such a mess, but then I realized it was because I-”
“Please stop.” Ty begged, I looked into his eyes and nearly drowned in the guilt. I had done this, I had caused so much pain in the people that I cared for the most. “It’s him, isn’t it?”
“Ty, I don’t think it could have been anyone else.” I whispered, I reached for his hand and was surprised he let me hold it, “You are my best friend and I love you. There was never any doubt that I did. I know how to love you now.”
His hand reached up and caressed a piece of my hair away from my face. He smiled sadly and nodded. “Okay. I know when to bow out.”
“I’m so sorry Ty.” without any warning, I felt a small tear roll from eye. Ty swiped it away and shook his head.
“You can’t be sorry for how you feel. Our feelings is what keep us human and before you came along, Blake didn’t really have an ounce of that. He didn’t have anything worth loving and losing. You gave that to him Vivo.” He said solemnly.
I closed my eyes and rested my head on his shoulder. Ty wrapped his arms around me and just held me. We consumed ourselves in the silence this December night offered us. For a moment, I let myself wonder, ’what if’ I had chosen Ty instead of Blake. But I quickly realized that it wouldn’t have been right because his love didn’t make me feel the way Blake’s did. It wasn’t an overwhelming love. It was just a platonic love, brotherly even. That’s all Ty could be, that’s where he fit perfectly in my heart.
“I love you Ty.” I mumbled, and this time when I said it, I knew Ty understood in what way I loved him. As a friend, as a brother, as an old flame could be.