THE DINING TABLE WRITES A LETTER ABOUT THE FAMILY

The Dining Room Table Writes A Letter About the Family

My family loves me like a zany lovelorn loon loves his mate. At least, I thought so until I heard them talking about getting rid of me. So I laid it on thick and asked Alexa to play Paul Anka’s “Time Of Your Life,” hoping they would take the hint and allow me to stay. So far, it’s so good, but it’s still early in the game.

This illustrious and musical family would not consciously admit that they thought about me, let alone that they loved me, but you see, they do! I am constant at every function and stand the entire time. Always holding their plates and shoes under me on my centre leg, I cannot help but always be at the centre of the action, no matter what that entails (with the family).

I have seen, heard and felt it all as the Director of Math, Arts and Basic Necessities and the source of support for the complete Entertainment package of endless board games and card games. That’s why I am so shocked by their contemplation to change me out, so all of a sudden! I mean, I’ve been standing here for twenty-two years.

Those years have seen three generations, numerous graduations, countless birthdays, a handful of first communions and just plain tons of family dinners—what a grand time to be in their household. Since I’m Norwegian, my wood is a soft hardwood, and my scars are there if you look hard.

Ten can easily sit along my sides with one at my head and foot since I received extensions for twelve. My legs are wide and tall; they resemble elephants’ legs, except they have two decorative grooves along the front face. Those grooves look like the trail a marble leaves after it rolls in the sand.

My chairs match as their colours are auburn like the autumn harvest, orangey with reddish hues with some freckles of burnt wood and watermarks. There are rings where hot things have been placed, and the wax has been heated too quickly, so the rings are white like snow. Everything is Norwegian wood, and it is so good.

I am as long and as wide as the Rio Grande. I can hold several plates and elbows; I have been: cut on, plated on, slopped on, hot glue gunned on, placed matted on, trivetted on, and been there when the teachers tutored and of course, been played on. I have been around at the fun times in life and thrive today because of it; that’s how I know they love me like a zany lovelorn loon! I ask Alexa to play Paul Anka’s “Time Of Your Life.”

Signed,

The Dining Room Table