How My Gay Uncle F'ed Up Christmas

All Rights Reserved ©

Summary

A tragic accident sends 15-year old Trevor to live with his gay uncle Gary, a barely- sane fetish porn producer who, together with his eccentric life-partner Bruce, teaches Trevor how to be a man. In this coming of age story a tragic accident leaves Trevor looking for a place to call home. Now that his parents are gone the only one he can turn to is his uncle Gary--the legendary fetish-porn producer. Afflicted with erectile-OVER-function, Trevor finds himself surrounded by new friends, a new school, and an environment that he could never have imagined. He begins to learn that the past he thought he knew was a well constructed lie. Little by little, the disturbing truth is brought to the surface and he discovers that guidance and enlightenment can come from the most unlikely of people. But just when he thinks he is getting his life back together, tragedy strikes again. And then he is given the Diary. Trevor begins to unearth they mystery of Gary, Bruce, and his own twisted background as things begin to unravel! Be warned--this story is not for the faint of heart. It is an incredible mix of mystery and comedy, turmoil and suspense. Sodomy Cat has a way of getting under your skin. It'll knock on your door at 3 in the morning, sneak into your bedroom, and pull your panties down.

Genre:
Humor / Drama
Author:
Nicholas Black
Status:
Complete
Chapters:
52
Rating:
5.0 2 reviews
Age Rating:
18+

Prologue

Today, 9:32 am . . .

These chairs are less comfortable than having a bunch of rusty old nails shoved up your ass. And as I try to politely squirm around I’m feeling this kind of pulsating feeling in my pants. My slacks—that I’ve only worn twice in my life—they’re just light and smooth enough to slide by my boxer briefs in just the right way. I don’t know if that’s by design or if I’m just being hypersensitive. But I’m swelling for sure.

I swear to god, if I get an erection during a funeral . . . that will just be the end of it.

The final chapter in my skewed life.

Like dominoes, my embarrassment will be broadcast to the world in fleeting perverse fragments on Snapchat. I might end up trending on Twitter with a bunch of perverted hash tags I can’t even imagine. Heck, 15 pathetic seconds on Instagram is all it would take for the human race to banish me to the hills.

My gay uncle Gary, he once told me to think of old women getting torn apart by ravenous wolves whenever I feel a chubby coming. He said that’s the image that short circuits your brain into killing the blood supply to your wood.

He said it’s an age-old technique.

But if you think of that scene even one time while you’re masturbating . . . that’s it. From that moment on a pack of wild dogs chomping down on a bunch of old biddies is the turn-on of all time. So I’m trying not to think about that one, anymore.

When you’re sitting at a funeral, all sorts of things go swimming through your mind. Imagine ideas as electric eels just sparking and shocking those dark places in the back of your mind where you store all the really subdued, bridled memories you don’t care to think about. Ethereal, surreal, thoughts. All those skeletons in your proverbial closet.

Well, in my family model, the memories are a bit more unusual and unconventional—something between grotesque and absurd. Anyway, this is one of those stuffy occasions where you think about the things you desperately want to forget.

And there’s a peculiarity to everything. Like we’re all stuck in a graphic novel where colors have smells and people are two-dimensional. Everything gloss-covered and the perspective is off just a tinge. You know, we’re all wearing drab colors, and people aren’t sad enough to cry, but they don’t dare smile. They keep it just dark enough in here that even the people who are still alive might as well be corpses.

The living seem more dead than those who are speaking to us from the grave.

There’s a lot of furtive gesturing, shifty eyes and whatnot. I think this guy in front of me is somebody from my uncle’s side of the family. He’s got the same male-pattern baldness going on. Same pasty white skin with three or four coats of magic-tan spray—sun in a 6-ounce bottle. I don’t know if he’s gay or straight, or on one of those fences that bi-curious people find themselves straddling during their mid-30s. The woman that’s with him has jet-black hair that, up close, looks like strands of nylon. Like high-tensile strength fishing line. Guitar strings painted black.

People here don’t know how to be people. Honestly, I can’t tell you if any of them actually have any genetic connection to me. Biologically, I would put them somewhere between Homo erectus and Homo sapiens. They walk upright and basically understand how to use tools, but the concept of having a television screen on your cell phone boggles their minds. If they knew you could get on Google and see yourself from space they would probably shit all over themselves.

These are people pretending to be real people.

And I’m not just talking about that nice old lady with bluish-grey hair and mismatched earrings who thinks this is a wedding. I’m not referring to the well-dressed Hispanic midget in the front row that’s holding hands with a blond that could easily be a swimsuit model.

When you find yourself in an environment like this, with clocks not even ticking, at all . . . you have time to ponder the fabric of the universe. My mind is analyzing everything from a theoretical viewpoint. I could be Einstein, or Roger Penrose, or Stephen Hawkings. I need to focus on complex mathematical formulas.

Anything so that I don’t get a hard-on. You have to think of the more philosophical stuff.

That being said, I guess I need to tell you how my gay uncle fucked-up Christmas.

Continue Reading Next Chapter
Further Recommendations

Amber Moffatt: I just started this book a little while ago and I cant stop reading. Its writers like you that make me love to read. Thanks

Lorraine Lazaro Mendoza: None, its exciting, there is a good story that u continue reading as you want to finish to know what is the ending.

Joseph Kuklinski: It is a wonderful story, w great characters

Myliah Van Bavel: I love this book and how it tugs on your heartstrings and keeps you on your toes.

Riley Elliott: such a good read

amethystcolianni: I loved this book and I can't wait for the sequel to come out. Thank you for making this book!😊😊

Walaq Mohamed: I can't believe it is so emotional

Cassie Monroe: Every story is so sexy and exhilarating! I love these so much!

Remie: It’s such a great story of finding one’s self-worth. Acceptance and appreciation of who and what you are will definitely be the key.Friends that turned into lovers that fall hard and deep seem realistic. I like how they “kiss and make up”—very sweet reconciliation—with her mother and with her fri...

More Recommendations

Patricia Celia: I always like her writting style. It doesnt make me bore and I dont want to skip every part of of the story.

Tianna: This book took me on an emotional roller coaster but it was worth it in the end. I was so glad that Ronnie got her happy ending after all. The plot’s good and it’s well written. 2000/100

joanna oluchi: Very interesting n hard to drop story. I don't like d father's behavior tho don't know his reason yet. Great author

Barbara Jackson: Love this story!

M_E_G_A_T_R_O_N: Nicely written, great writing style and fantastic story line. The characters are interesting, great character development and fascinating story all together. Keep up the good work.

About Us:

Inkitt is the world’s first reader-powered book publisher, offering an online community for talented authors and book lovers. Write captivating stories, read enchanting novels, and we’ll publish the books you love the most based on crowd wisdom.