Hereditary Instincts
A wolf with spectacles along his snout, carts back and forth in an office chair, intently inspecting scattered piles of manuscript guides & blueprints for a presumably dynamic invention. This studious persona is filtering to you half-in, half-out [of a recording Camera]
Clumsy Rhino (fidgeting the lens). “Hey WilLoafy it’s about time to make our Fwendship Document’wee!”
Professor Loafy doesn’t even bother to glance up. - “I told you I don’t want to make a film with an impulsive, Tuskersnout. You always ruin evoreything you touch like a buffoon.”
Rye’Knockerous *peers around the camera lens* - “But Loafy I know da future; you’ll nevoo make it on talent alone: you need spiders for a Website & a rep who can pwess all dem proper buttons.”
Low’fee taps his chin aimlessly. “Which direction is the future, bud?”
Buffoon's wrinkly face, twists. “Da one dattt... has us teamworking?”
(Pop-corn size white bunny hops out from behind the sofa). - “I wouldn’t even do business with ya, Big guy (gasping northern accent) -- for one thing your eyes are too far apart & that limits hand-eye coordination. Now remember he traveled to this other side of the Mountain, and set up in this cave facing away from the Forest? Like, pick up the lone wolf vibes, bro...”
“Alas!” pines Loafy, now wrenched away from his personal endeavors. “I grew uttorely tired of watching beasts follow the preprogrammed instincts that the Grand Master bestowed upon them. Life is about much more than foraging, nesting and reproducing.”
Rhino mutters excitedly, “Smartypants words are opening from Roafesso! - dis is gonna be great snippet for the Live Action Bio...” Attempts to aim camera more square on Loaf’s head.* Straightens out. Suddenly tilts, Overcompensating too far.
Rabbit bounds up rhino arm & onto his three-haired head. “Ain’t that the truth. There’s money to be made and creatures to know our Name!”
Roafesso scoffs. “If the camera survives those stone-paws AND the runt’s giggling, it certainly will be the greatest Mock-umentary Evore…”
Rhino gasps! “Actu’wally there’s even more dan fame to git if we throw in Bill*sunny. You could revive yoo’self into split voosions like Loafy did, spwit logs, or share gifts -- so many tings to do in one Life*Tame! Spessly If’n you whip a page outta my book: hunt a Land and Bwing it ta Wife! My family is in da bizness of such...” (*SNIFFS PROUDLY )
Bun scrunches nose as if something smells foul.“How do you find a mate for a Land? And what kinda Log are we talkin about here?”
Loafy claps a book shut with irritation & crosses leg. “I believe the imbecile meant bring the land to Life -- as enliven the Cult’chore.”
Rhino cowers as if the cave will roof down. “I don’t want anyone to have to be doing chores; Nevoo! Don’t make me!”
Billungey staggers down the bridge of RhiNose, & steadies self against the Horn. “Oh right, just his speech impediment is holding him back -- that's all. Hahaha, Loafy you have a killer accent too! Ore, leaving your snout quite more than the average bear.”
Roafy appears exasperated. “Hmm, likely cause I’m in fact, not a bay-ore. And If you keep holding back my time with petty socializing, I shall roast & Smuthore you in ketchup in order to soak up the scent of YORE shrimp meat. (Wolfy licks his chops).
(Bunny scoots back, ruffling rhino’s 3-haired cranium)* - “Killer is only slang; You've been domesticated: don’t revert back crazy on me. Take my winter pelt if you must, but you know my pipsqueak tendons aren't thicc enough to equal a snacky item.”
“Now now, pally boys,” disengages Rhino. “Since we’re talkin true identities here... Eyes seen tonza wolfies on Petflix ice’late in the snow to pounce poor Omnom*vores that ain'tz big enough to chomp back. Snack on some guy your own size, ya yella-belly ranchdip! His mombun always said he was a sickwee bunny anyway...”
“Well!” Roafert paces. “YORE mommy always said Africa wasn’t big enough for the both of you.”
Bun Sicklos slides down Rhino’s spine like an escape route. “Oh boy, now he’s done it!”
Rhino drops cam and it shatters. "Haaayyy..” (eyes clouding up hazily)* - “You has no idea what we went true in Afweeka! She was talking bout da Poach-ooze, not me, her own bootiful baby!”
“Then whyyy,” Roafesso instigates, “did yore mommy leave you Forevore?”
Billun Sick-woes *Squeaks with alarm in the background. (Dials the kitchen phone. Lowers Face and yells: “Major issue, guys! High possibility of Flooding in the next hour, Hop the word around fast: get to Higher ground! ” -*(pauses listening for confirmation) - "No Ricky, there’s not time to build a Motorboat. Just tell Chuck and the beavers to alert the Coastal Cranes. We don’t have time to raid the human village for parts or rations! Go Go Go and don’t lean over too far on the bridge like last time!”
Rhino laments, “I’m disappointed in you Loafy… You don’t even know the im’Potent ancestoos of my story! She had hoo Wheezins! (Blows nose into a hanky, dabs forehead and closes eyes morosely).
“Um, I can see that," pins Low'fee. "Looks like the unreasonable reasons are her’Editary.”
“Her Edited Diawyy had nuffing to do wiff it!" The Gray mountain exploded. "Well act’Jewally… when dey found out mommy was a Litter’Rate, she became quite da Legend for a while. But they just wanted to fwame Hoo for all da littering spots, when they was pushing far worser evildooers!”
Loaf (squints). “You’re childhood seems pretty complicated, Dood. I apologize… to myself that I brought it up - and wasted 15 minutes of my life.”
“No, thank you," Assures Rhino. "I see it's a most prime time to revisit the My-Gwation memOwheeze, doggy boy! Since you foo-gots the troof, I wish ALL my fwends to know the story! Bun Sickly, call up everyone in Shoe Good Forwest -- they gonna recall how this Populace came togethoo!”
“It’s ok Rhino." Roafesso rubs near his temple. "You don’t have any friends. Just tell me and I’ll be sure to publish the story in all the News’leaflets.”
“No way, Fur slinger, you not to be twusted!" rejects Rhino. "You nevoo respect my mommy personal likes! I’m the only one who can tell it da way it crashed down! And, and… if Billunny don’t call everyone for a National storytelling, I’m pwitty sure I’m going to Bust into tearrrzz of loneliness!”
(Wolfy pats rhino’s belly) - “I know you’re upset. Don’t worry we’ll help you.” (Turns to bunny). “Ring The Palace now and arrange a compulsory Ceremony!”
Bun Sicklos face twitches, bottling a scowl. “Thanks a LOT Loafart; you just HAAD to open your meat-salted mouth din’tchu?? -- I had a lot of shipments to stamp tonight!”
