Yesterday when Lukas came, it meant a lot to me. I could always feel the love from him but last night, it was different. It was a different kind of love. A love that made my heart do flips the second his hand touched mine or accidentally grazed my neck when he put on my necklace. The necklace that he got me.
It’s always been different with Lukas since the day I met him. The day he decided to sit next to me in Spanish class, I knew there was something different.
Thinking about school makes me miss Sage. We haven’t talked in a long time and we used to talk every day. I wish I hadn’t thrown my phone away that night at the party, if I hadn’t I’d be able to text Sage and tell her I miss her. Not that she’d respond, she probably thinks I’m a psycho killer too.
Our little falling out was over something so stupid but at the time it seemed like it actually meant something. I didn’t know I could feel so stupid for getting into a petty fight with a girl that called me her best friend. A girl that actually wanted to be friends with the weird quiet girl who nobody had ever talked to.
Even when I pushed her away, she was there, supporting me and being the friend to me that I wasn’t to her. I could understand why she was mad at me but I wish it just didn’t end the way it did. I wish all of this isn’t ending the way it is.
I know the boys are doing all they can to find the real killer but the reality is I have to face the music. They’re never going to find the person who killed all these people, they’re never going to be able to get me out of this. Whoever planned this, they’re people nobody wants to mess with. I can already see myself going to prison with everything that they supposedly have against me.
Instead of being an orange jumpsuit, I’ll be a yellow jumpsuit to show everyone that I’m a serial killer and that I can’t be with the general population. I’m a slave to my own home, this time I can’t run from my problems. I have to stay here and face the facts that I’m not going to get out of this alive.
I’ve never been one to give up, giving up isn’t what I intended on doing but reality likes to hit me really fucking hard on the head and say, “Hey! You’re a joke and you’re life’s a joke!You’re not gonna make it!”
I actually believe it this time, that I’m not going to make it. Everything has been so hard lately, waiting around for Lukas, or Mason, or Adrian to come by and tell me more about the things I’ve been missing in my life. None of it is helping. None of the information they’ve given me is helping. It’s not going to help.
My thoughts dissipate once a knock sounds at my door, “You have a court appearance tomorrow, be ready by 11 or you’re going looking like trash.” I fall back onto my bed and groan quietly, “And you have a visitor.”
Another knock comes from behind my door, “Bo? It’s Sage.”
I furrow my eyebrows and get up to answer the door. God, if she really is behind this door, then you are up there and I believe in you. My hand rests on the doorknob and I already feel giddiness starting to rise in my body.
I unlock the door and slowly open it. I peek to see a glimpse of her short brunette hair and I gasp quietly.
“Oh my, Sage!” I swing the door open and the both of us crash into each other like we haven’t seen each other in years, “I’m so sorry for everything. I didn’t mean for things to get this bad between us, I’m so so so so so sorry.”
I pull Sage into my room when I catch Carol glaring at us, “No, I’m sorry. It was my fault we stopped talking. I was being childish and getting jealous of you being friends with Adrian.”
At this moment I’m thanking God for so many things. The fact that Sage is here, the fact that my room doesn’t smell rank because after Lukas left yesterday I took a shower and cleaned up my room, and the fact that I finally get to have a girl to talk to. A girl!
“It’s okay, honestly. I’ve just missed you,” She nods knowingly, “I brought some makeup so we can gossip and look pretty while we do it?”
“Yes! That sounds perfect.” I smile a genuine smile and Sage starts on my makeup.
“So, I wanted to talk a little bit about your... situation at the moment,” She takes out a palette and begins to rub eyeshadow on my eyelids, “I know already but I really need to hear you say it, did you do it?”
I grab her wrist to make her stop and her eyes widen like she’s a deer caught in headlights. I let go as soon as I noticed and I shake my head, “No, I promise you, I’ll even promise to God, I never killed anybody. I’ve never even touched a gun apart from one time in my entire life.”
“What was that one time?” She asks, cautiously continuing my eyelids.
“When I was fourteen, my foster brother David, asked me to hold his gun while he was cleaning it so he could grab some kind of cleaner thing for the tube where the bullet comes out.”
Sage hums in response and finishes the look. She shows me in the small mirror on her eyeshadow palette and I smile softly at the beautiful mixed colors on my eyes, the eyeliner winged and sharp as it ended right where the crease does, and my eyelashes looking longer and bigger than I think they ever have before.
“Thank you,” I say, pulling my hair back and releasing it just so it could go back to where it was before.
“Of course, I just missed you a lot, Bo. Or wait, should I call you Gianna?”
“I prefer Bo,” I lamely say, biting the inside of my cheek, “Well, how are things with you and Adrian anyway? I heard you guys spent Christmas together.”
“It was pretty good, we talked, kissed, did a few other things,” She wiggles her eyebrows which causes me to laugh, “I’m not even kidding and let me tell you, Adrian? His package was a little too big for the postman to carry.” She points to her mouth and my eyes nearly burst out of my head.
“I’m not,” She covers her eyes and then peeks at me, “I feel the disappointment already.”
“No, no! That’s great. I think it’s great that you got what you wanted with Adrian. When you get back to school you’ll be able to brag to all the high and mighty bitches that you did shit with Adrian too,” She nods enthusiastically, opening up her purse.
“I almost forgot. I stopped by Adrian’s today and he told me he wanted you to have this phone. It has everyone’s number on it so if you need to text or call anyone then they’re all here. I also took the liberty of bringing you some candy.” She pulls out at least ten different candy bags and boxes from her purse and I can’t help but smile, “Candy fixes everything.”
“Candy does fix everything.” I take the box of starburst off the bed and open it.
This is one way to get things off my mind.