I was very excited when my mom told me I was getting discharged one week later. While I hadn’t completely forgotten about Alex, I no longer broke down every time thoughts of him crossed my mind. Thinking about him still got me sad but I guessed time helped the floodgates acquire a lid to keep them in check. The last time I cried over Alex was two days ago when I watched short clips from his funeral in the local news. I couldn’t stand the sight of close family members balling their eyes out, especially his mom. My heart went out to them but all I could do was sit on my hospital bed and cry. It frustrated me that I couldn’t be there to bid him the final goodbye but I made a note to take flowers to his grave as soon as I was up to it.
“How are you feeling today, Selena?” A smart looking nurse asked, after checking my vitals.
“I feel fine.” I replied.
“Your report came in from the psychiatrist this morning, showing you’re in stable mental condition and can return to school.” She said with a smile.
I wasn’t sure how to respond, so I gave a small smile in return.
“We understand the effects of trauma on the mind, which is why we had the evaluation done on you. Everything looks good for now but if you experience anything unusual like repeated nightmares or blackouts, please report it to the hospital immediately.” She added.
At this point, I remembered my nightmares. I wanted to report them but decided against it. How could I? They were too embarrassing. Besides, talking about them would only make everyone judge me and believe I was thinking about my instructor in an inappropriate way – which was not the case.
“Sure, I will.” I replied instead.
She turned to my mom and asked her to grab my drugs from the dispensary before leaving. It felt great to be back in normal clothes again. That hospital gown was a bit too plain and depressing. My mind went back to my dorm and I wondered what my reaction would be when I got back there for the first time after the incident. The thought was scary to be honest, but I had to do it. I had to find the incriminating note and destroy it before anyone else did.
“I wonder why the police haven’t found the note yet. I left it right on his pillow.”
I grabbed my stuff and walked out of the hospital room, hoping never to return. At least not for something as traumatic as what I just experienced.