Jason had went out of his way to be as invisible as possible. Thank God she had her book to work on! He’d had quite enough attention, thank you very much! Just how he was going to win back her trust, he didn’t know! Not that he exactly deserved it but he’d better figure out something!
He knew that what he had done was irreversible. And that one day the whole sordid story would come out. Why had he let her get so close? How stupid could he have been!
But maybe it wouldn’t. Maybe if he prayed more, asked God to take this cruse away from him, then maybe it would be over. It wouldn’t take away what he’d done, but at least he wouldn’t hurt anyone else. Please God!
And though he pleaded with God, and meant what he said, he knew there would be consequences for his actions, and all would eventually be revealed. Janice would be devastated. Look how uptight she was over that incident in Playa, and that was nothing compared to everything else he’d done! How could he put her through this!
Perhaps if he were to have an “accident.” That would be the end of that, and the chances of him being caught would be nearly nonexistent. He could spare her and deal with God over his sins.
But therein lie the struggle. Jason believed in God. He had given his life to Christ but despite that, he was a murderer. Plain and simple. And he deserved to be punished. Or did he? He would pour over scripture for hours on end. He latched on to Romans 7:15 (I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not, but what I hate I do), as well as 1 Timothy 1:15 (Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners, of whom I am the worst), as well as numerous other scriptures that soothed his tormented soul. And even though he had not extended grace and mercy to his victims, the God of the Bible was all about grace and mercy.
But there were other scriptures as well that pointed to man’s responsibility to the laws of the land and of God, and the consequences herein. Scriptures such as 1 John 3:15 made his blood run cold, and Matthew 26:52 showed him no way of escape. Numerous other scriptures confused him even further.
So he held onto what he could. In his heart of hearts he felt that he had repented, in fact, many times. This “thing” inside him that drove him to kill was something he couldn’t control. Surely God would understand that. And so Jason remained a tortured soul throughout his life.