{{ contest.story_page_sticky_bar_text }} Be the first to recommend this story.
Get Free Copy

100 free copies left

This novel is limited to 100 free copies due to its part in Inkitt’s Novel Contest.

0
Free copy left
You can read our best books
Jules Cassard would love your feedback! Got a few minutes to write a review?
Write a Review

Dirt Nap Rhapsody

By Jules Cassard All Rights Reserved ©

Humor / Mystery

Chambers

First officer on the scene says it's a simple rear-ender, no fatalities or major injuries, but the force of the crash pops the front car's trunk open and, surprise surprise, also shakes up the fresh stiff they got hiding in there. The other driver is about to pull out his insurance information and beg the people he just hit to keep the cops out of it when he sees a human hand dangling out of the back of the car! He said it was even wearing some cheap costume jewelry that was reflecting the light off the street lamps and shining like the frickin' Star of Bethlehem! Everybody in a three mile radius could see it plain as day. 

At this point you'd expect the perps in the first car to let a little bumper job slide under the circumstances and high-tail it out of there, but here's the best part: The perps almost hit the car in front of them, and the guy in that car got out to tell them watch it 'cause there's kids in his car. Man, I would have loved to see the look on his face when he found out what he was really dealing with. Well, to his credit he detained the perps while the rear-ender called the cops (who let him skate on the ticket by the way) and now here we are having happened upon one of the most open and shut cases in the history of the department. And I thought this was gonna' be just another dull Saturday night. Unbelievable.

So the perps are sitting on the side of the road all cuffed and ready to go when we get there. It's a husband and wife team, and Henderson's the first one to make a crack referring to them as Bonnie and Clyde. I'm sure one of the Uni's had made one before that, but they deferred to his seniority and laughed anyway. Bonnie looked cool as a cucumber, as if she hadn't been caught red-handed in a car with a corpse in the trunk. Clyde though, it was obvious he'd sing like a canary if we needed him to — he'd already sweat through his undershirt by the time I first saw him. 

He also kept feeding the lamest excuses to anyone around who would listen: The car had been stolen and they'd just gotten it back, they never look in the trunk, he thinks the mob may have somehow been involved. The mob? Like the mob would steal a car, leave a body in it, then just leave it out in the open in good working condition for anyone to find. We all had a good laugh at that one. Bonnie kept nudging him, trying to get him to stay quiet. It was clear that she was the brains of the operation.

After we finished up at the scene we brought Bonnie and Clyde back to the station and stashed them in separate interrogation rooms. Our case was pretty strong already but it couldn't hurt to make it stronger, so we wanted to see if we could leverage the body in the trunk and turn it into a confession. We figured Bonnie would take a lot longer to break so we wanted to start wearing her down first, so Henderson and I got into character and went in to take a run at her. She greeted us with a warm smile. For a second I thought she might offer us coffee or something, but she just stared cheerfully. Alright then, I thought, let's see what this chick's made of.

“I don't know, Henderson, this one seems pretty open and shut.”

“You got that right, Chambers. Talk about a run of bad luck.”

“We got a fender bender with a stiff on its way to a dirt nap, body practically falls out of the trunk, dead only a few hours, caught red-handed, that about sum it up, Henderson?”

“It does for now, Chambers, but who knows what we'll find once we start digging.”

“Hey, we could use the shovels we found in the trunk with the body!” I looked over at Henderson and we just busted out laughing.

Then Henderson got in on the fun, looking at Bonnie and asking, “Do you mind if we borrow 'em for a while?” I gotta admit, Henderson and I make a pretty good team.

“So the way I figure it, Henderson, there's two ways this can go.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

“What's the first way, Chambers?”

“The easy way.”

“And what's the second way?”

“The hard way.”

“Whoa, Chambers, that second way doesn't sound too pleasant.”

“It's not, Henderson.”

“I bet it's not, Chambers.”

“Do you gentlemen want some privacy?” Bonnie interjected, “This seems like a personal matter.” We both looked up at her in surprise. Aha! She speaks! But I think she was mocking us. Who does this lady think she is? She's the one facing 25 to life. No problem, stay cool, just keep her talking.

“What? No ma'am,” I replied as politely as I could, “in fact it's quite the opposite, Henderson and I would love to hear your input on the matter.”

“Well, okay then,” she began, “I think that even though you may find the hard way less pleasant, in the long run you'll find it a much more worthwhile experience, because you didn't cut corners and you earned your achievements the old fashioned way: with good old blood, sweat, and tears… and a little bit of elbow grease thrown in for good measure.” This lady, Jesus. Look at her smirking like she has the upper hand.

“See, but that's where you're wrong, Henderson and I love to cut corners. We don't feel slighted by it in the least.”

“That's what I figured, but I don't want to be an enabler.”

“An enabler, huh? An enabler of what?”

“Your chronic incompetence.”

What did she just say to me? I tried to stay calm, “Is that right?”

“I'm sorry Detective, that was rude of me. Forget I said anything.”

“No, please, speak, we're all friends here.”

“Are you sure? I'm only trying to help.”

“I think the lady's right, Chambers, we should move on and…”

“Uh-uh Henderson, I wanna hear what the lady has to say. Please, go on.”

“Okay, well… I couldn't help but overhear you talking on the ride over about how unfair it is that this guy and that guy gets away with not doing this thing and that thing…”

“Okay…”

“And how you're the hardest working person here and nobody shows any appreciation for it…”

“And?”

“Then we get here and you spend about 45 minutes sipping coffee and shooting the breeze with the fellas before you process us in.”

“Yeah?”

“Then you comment — out loud — about how many steps you're skipping in the report you're filing because they don't make any sense and you shouldn't have to do it…”

“So…”

“So, with respect, it seems to me like you're the dumbest one here.”

Okay, that does it: “Listen you psychotic bi…”

“Chambers, Chambers, come on now, settle down.”

“Don't you ever…”

“Chambers, cool it.”

“I will cut you in two!”

“Chambers!”

Henderson had me in a bear hug. I'd lost my cool. He ushered me out of the room and told me to cool off, he'd take it from here. Dammit. Not only did she get me to lose my cool, but now she's got us playing good cop-bad cop — the ultimate interrogation cliche. I hate good cop-bad cop. It's predictable, it's boring, and it's old fashioned. And now Bonnie either thinks she got to me, or that I'm the type of cop who does good cop-bad cop. Shit, I don't know which one is worse.

Now Henderson, one of the only allies I have left at this point, thinks I'm a hothead. Great, what else can go wrong today?

“Chambers.”

“You get anything, Henderson?”

“Nope, still playin' it cool.”

“Listen Henderson, about before, I don't know what…”

“Hey, it's been a long day, don't worry about it, Chambers.”

“No, you don't understand, that wasn't me in there, that's not how I operate.”

“I know I know, we'll get 'em next time. Come on, let's go grab a beer, I'll buy.”

“No thanks.”

“What's this? You're turning down a free beer? You? Man, this chick really got to you, didn't she?”

“I think I want to take a run at the husband.”

“Whoa whoa whoa Chambers, are you sure that's a good id…”

“I said I want to take a run at the husband.”

“Okay okay, just be careful, I don't want to have to write any more reports tonight.”

“I'll be careful.” Yeah, I'll be careful alright.I walked into Clyde's room and found him sitting there all peaceful and serene, like he just found out his mother got into heaven. Where was the nervous putz I met at the scene? He had to be in there somewhere, and all I had to do was find him: “So I gotta tell ya' buddy, it's not looking good for you and your Mrs. at the moment. I got a fender bender with a stiff on its way to a dirt nap, body practically falls out of the trunk, dead only a few hours, caught red-h…”

“I want to make a full confession,” Clyde said. Excuse me? You what? “I did it. I did it all. By myself. No one else knew anything about it. And I'm not sorry. I'll tell you everything you need to know including how I did it, why, and where the others are buried. Now give me something to sign of my own free will.”

Wow. Take that, Bonnie. Wait… did he say, “Others?”

Continue Reading Next Chapter
Further Recommendations

M. Drewery: I did think I would be reading just another Atlantis archaeological adventure story when I came across this book. However I think it's fresh and very different to other approaches to the same historical mystery. The first chapter drew me in brilliantly. I'm not great at spotting technical writing...

rak9485: I just finished with ch 24 n the story cut off at the end of the chapter please tell me there is more to this story I need to know the ending like if they end up together. do they have sex or not? do they date? is she to afraid to b in a relationship after Tyler.

Jennifer Kane Martin: I am a high school teacher, and the dialogue and inner thoughts are PERFECT. However, the lack of capitalization, punctuation, and the typos are distracting. Don't let these get in the way of a potentially good story.

Ruby0h: Overall I thought your story was really good! It drew me in right away and kept me interested as the story progressed. I loved the character of Kayla being inserted into this story, and the way she affected and shaped the life of the original story into something totally new and interesting. I lo...

smile4me: Exciting page turner. I was barely able to put it down to go to bed. I can usually figure out the twists before they are revealed but not this time! Such a thrill to be surprised. I can hardly wait for the follow up!!

nakhvavaishu: just loved it...u cant put this book down once u start reading...from the very first page it is an emotional rollercoaster....the way author has described the undescribable😉 chemistry between our very own jay n aqueela its just way tooo awesome...i just felt the love n mischievious bonding betwee...

Katy Rayne: i really enjoyed this book. i have to say i didn't know what to expect, but with every chapter that came something crucial to keep you reading happened. I was disappointed with the ending if this is for another book i will defiantly carry on reading the next book.

Atractivo Sumit: The story is an amazing blend of what we call natural, plain romance along with subtle emotions and interesting twists. The plot is so beautifully interwoven.

Jazie Alyssa Flores: There may have been many grammar errors. But OMG this story had me on an emotional rollercoaster ride. I loved every bit of it. The relationship Sydney and Cameron had was beautiful. I loved how it wasn't a typical love story but revolved around a growing friendship and the drama that surrounded ...

More Recommendations

NRF: I love this story, it has a little bit of everything in it, mystery, adventure, murder, innocence, love and a surprise twist that will leave you hungry for more! Great read! NRF

AASTHA SHARMA: really...one of the best novel i've ever read...a very touching story....really loved it...thanks for writing such a masterpeice...the struggle of the narrator but still remaining satisfied is the thing that i liked the most...another nice thing is the concept of talking with god...in short i wou...

Pille: This has been a bit different genre from what I usually read but a real delight. I like the vamps being different from cliche. I like the intriguing and unpredictable plot and the quirky characters. The only complaint I have is that I want to read more but the book run out. I hope there's going t...

emilia handy: THIS BOOK WAS JUST SO AMAZING?!?!!??! I couldnt make myself stop reading it. it had such amazing characters and an amazing plot twist. i suggest everybody should read this that likes humor as well as romance.

JanThompson: This book gives a beautiful description of a country which one rarely gets to see. The contrast between rich and poor is very evident too.The storyline actually sheds a compelling light on why women in certain countries sell themselves just to help their families or even to survive themselves. I ...

Tavis Ryan King: "What Happened to Charlie Carmine" is a fabulous mo-gee-toe cocktail fuelled midget orgy of psychology, fantasy and sarcasm. I laughed out loud when reading this novel so many times it made the London commuters I shared space with look at me with curious disdain - and I did not care.The protagoni...

About Us:

Inkitt is the world’s first reader-powered book publisher, offering an online community for talented authors and book lovers. Write captivating stories, read enchanting novels, and we’ll publish the books you love the most based on crowd wisdom.