|How He Feels|
If a man does not control his temper, it is a sad admission that he is not in control of his thoughts.
It smashed into me. It was hard and fast at a swift motion. I couldn’t comprehend. It was a perfect moment that I couldn't forget. I never thought it could get this good.
It was so great that I wanted to fly. It was a dream come true. I felt like a million-dollar girl, one who was on top of the world. I felt like I had worth. A purpose to make everyone else as happy as I was right about now. I was on cloud nine.
Note the sarcasm?
Yes, it’s there.
Cassie had pushed me and I fell to the ground with a thump. No. It wasn’t the heart-shattering kiss y’all were hoping for. It was a leg shattering fall to the ground. Okay, not a leg shattering fall but you get my point.
The music stopped and a crowd of unknown eyes gathered around me. I was the center of attention.
“You good for nothing witch!” She kicked me, letting her frustration out.
“I can’t believe we were friends. How could you?”
I felt like asking her what I did but as far as I was concerned, I did nothing wrong. It was Cassie who was being a diva. I had to keep my beast under control or I swear to the heavens, I would have ripped her to shreds. I would’ve never given it a second thought.
I had fallen onto a glass bottle. I was bleeding. Just seeing the blood that spilled out from my leg like a waterfall sending such a precious need for my existence about the floor and caused the onslaught of pain. The more I thought about it, it throbbed. I decided to try my best and ignore the pain. As an alpha, I didn’t desire to show any form of weakness. That included succumbing to pain. I laughed at her outburst, which only seemed to fuel her anger.
She was absentminded to the fact that I could take her head off in one clean bite. But, I didn’t. Not because I couldn’t but because the first obvious rule was to keep the supernatural a secret. I was planning to wait until the time was right. She had made the wrong person her enemy.
I didn’t fight back, I let her have at me. It was because I wanted everyone to truly see her for who she was. That, and the possibility that I might not only reprimand her but do some real serious damage. She kicked me again and again.
She crouched down, sat on my stomach, roughly, and punched me continuously. I was starting to have enough of her now. I was in a dilemma. Even though I could kill her and out my secret by taking action, not doing anything made me seem weak. I didn’t like being. Being weak was being stupid. Nothing good could come from non-sense.
Cassandra was really angry. Her eyes red and puffy as if plain table salt had been blown into her eyes, causing it to sting. Tears brimmed in her eyes, swimming around lazily.
Then it stopped. I slowly moved my hands away from my face just in case she was only taking a mini-break so she could inflict more pain. I had been using them as shields this entire time. Aiden and Adrien had come to my rescue. I honestly loved these guys. I clung to my bloody leg. There was an even larger crowd by now but before I could examine it any further, I was swooped up into strong comforting arms.
“What’re you looking at? There’s nothing to see here. Get a move on!” Someone that sounded like Scott yelled. When did he get here?
I was carried out bridal style and put to sit on the hood of a car. I wanted to argue with the person for carrying me out like that but I was tempted not to. It was something about his aura.
I could feel the cuts and bruises on my face. I must’ve had a couple of broken ribs too, and in a few days, there would be bruises to prove it. A concussion was possible since I had hit my head on the wall. The impact was meant to be life-threatening. Hopefully, I would survive it.
I was in some real pain. It wouldn’t have hurt this much if I had already shifted. I would’ve started healing and much faster too. Now, it was going to take a few days for the healing to commence. Two days was the most.
I’m proud to say I’ve learned better control over the past few weeks. My beast was pissed I didn’t fight back but she knew if I did and swerved out of control there would be a surprise waiting for her at the surface.
Her demise. Our demise.
Jacob took out an emergency kit and placed it on the hood of the car. He opened the kit and took out most of the contents.
“So, you’re a bleeder?” he suddenly asked amused, trying to lighten up the mood.
Really? In a time like this?
He was there the entire time and he didn’t move a muscle to help. He just stood there watching. I was disappointed. He only seemed to help when he thought I had enough.
“Shut up.” I spat out at him, venom lacing two words.
He ripped the foot of my jeans open. I watched as he tore it up to my knee. My already weak heart clenched, beating a little harder against the flesh of my chest. I know I was rich now but still.
“Hey! You ruined my best jeans.” I complained.
He ripped it a little further. It was already soaked in blood but he thought he’d tear it too? Before it was a little tattered but it could have been altered. The blood could easily be washed out.
“What the bloody hell was that for?” I smacked him with the little strength I had left. He ignored me and used the tweezers to pick at a shard of stubborn glass that lodged itself in my leg. I hissed.
“Would you prefer to bleed to death?” he asked casually.
I fell silent at his question and kept still. He pulled out the shard of glass and threw some vile liquid on my leg. I grunted in pain. Whatever it was, it stung.
“Why are you helping me?” I asked so suddenly that even I was startled by it.
By now, he had rubbed the ointment on my wound and was wrapping it. He wrapped it around and around. I watched as he did, waiting for his reply. I sighed and he stopped wrapping leg.
“If you haven’t noticed, you need the help.” He shrugged as he spoke like it was the most obvious thing. After a long pause, he continued to wrap my leg.
“It’s not like I asked for yours,” I mumbled.
He suddenly had a change of heart to help. When I was in there getting pummeled by Cassie, he stood there for quite some time watching, I bet. Not lifting a finger, that was until my brothers got Cassie off of me. He must’ve heard me because he wrapped my leg tighter.
“Ouch.” I winced and he smirked and continued.
While he worked, I was quiet. It seemed the more I spoke he had a reason to make the situation worse. I was doing everything to avoid that. Soon after, he was done.
“There you go.”
“Thanks.” I managed to murmur.
It wasn’t that I wasn’t grateful but I realized it was just the two of us out in the dark, who had nothing in common, and one hated the other. I was nervous. What if his mood suddenly changes? What then?
“Ma chéri, I don’t like you and I never will. So do us both a favor and keep that crazed lovestruck heart of yours intact. If you die, your father will not be pleased.”
Was the beating of my heart that loud?
He was right. He was never going to like me and I knew that. I had no problem with it either. I wasn’t nervous because I wanted or expected anything to happen between us but then again, maybe he was right.
“Why do you hate me so much?” I asked carefully, my voice almost a whisper.
“You don't belong with us. It's not hate that I feel towards you, just mild dislike.”
It hurt to hear him say that but I was also upset. He should have let me drown then. I didn’t belong. He should’ve just left me for dead. For a moment, I thought he did care. He was right here in front of me, taking care of a wound that someone else could have attended to.
“What do you mean by I don’t belong?” I asked trying to understand the meaning behind his vague words.
“I don’t think you’ll survive your first shift.” He said it quite simply, his face void of emotion.
My heart twisted and turned like an upset stomach. There was a feeling that clawed against my stomach but I was unable to decipher what it was. My beast was hurting just as much as I was at his insensitive words. My heart wrenched and my mouth went dry. I was unable to speak.
I opened my mouth to speak but no words came out. My mouth opened and closed like a fish and then when I gave up on trying to say anything, I kept it shut.
The air felt as if it was knocked and sucked out of my lungs, depriving me of precious oxygen. Tears pricked the back of my eyes and I blinked them back. The wolf in me, snapped at me to be strong. She was bearing her teeth as a warning in the back of my mind and I heeded her command.
Jacob was leaning against the hood of the car. He was taking in the night air, but not even once sparing a glance in my direction to notice that he was hurting me. He remained silent.
I wanted to hurt him too, just as much as he had hurt me. My brain started working again and thoughts lurched into my mind like the aftermath of a hurricane.
Then why did you save my life? Why didn’t you leave me to die then? I’m sure it would have been much easier. At least it wouldn’t have hurt this much to know you thought so little of me.
I reasoned with myself.
“It’s not my decision to decide whether you die or not. The truth does hurt and no. I don’t care about how you feel.” His blue eyes were looking straight at me and I couldn’t help that my eyes widened in shock.
Did I say that out loud? I needed to keep my thoughts to myself.
“I believe that the only reason Devon made us go on vacation was for your sake. You know... In case you die?”
Holy crap on a stick!
I felt like digging myself a hole and just jumping in.
“When you were wrapping my leg for me and when you saved me from drowning, I said thank you. But I believe the right words that I’ve been looking for all this time were, f*ck you Jake.”
I hopped off the hood of the car. He looked surprised that I told him off. All in one sentence too. How could this feel so good but yet so wrong, at this point, I didn’t care. I wondered where the guy who teased me on the cliff and said my taste in music wasn’t so bad. Where was that guy who raced me through the forest?
His bright blue eyes that held a hint of green flashed with an emotion of hurt but as fast as it came, the quicker it went. It made me wonder if I had imagined it. I smiled as I had not a care in the world and tried my best to hobble away.
As I did, pain weaved itself up through my whole body and I winced at the painful reality that my life had become too complicated for a girl like me. I was used to a quiet life. Even though I was in pain and exhausted I kept moving. I staggered away and when I couldn’t go any further, I fell to knees.
I felt useless. Jake hated me even though he had been denying it. Even I hated me. My ex-best friend hated me for nothing and after standing up for myself, speaking my mind and slapping Jacob with a good enough comeback, I couldn’t even walk away with my pride? The tears that were pricking at the back of my eyes just flooded out. I couldn’t help it.
Not only did I feel weak but I was weak.
Despite all of this, when he called me Ma Cheri, my heart was going at a rapid speed. I guess the heart does betray the mind.