Why Did I Disappear?

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Chapter 5: What To Do?

“It won’t benefit them to know about him, Aaron. We should just fake finding his body. It would be the best thing for both sides,” Trev pleaded trying to reason with Aaron not to phone my parents and alert them to the fact that I wasn’t dead or even kidnapped.

I knew if they picked up that phone and were told I was alive they’d only stay to get an address before hanging up but the issue with that was that they would be flying overhear expecting the same twenty-year-old girl who disappeared from their house and what they would get was a thirty-year-old man who they didn’t truly know.

I gave off hints as a child. Like not liking dresses and skirts and wanting to wear a tux to my high school graduation. But they just thought I wanted people to remember me. And I did, before I left I wanted them to remember me for who I truly was rather than the man hidden inside a female body and personality they actually knew.

Of course, my parents sent me to graduation in a dress and with makeup and styled curls. After that I took the scissors and cut off my hair, hating it and the image that was now in a yearbook forever. My mother ended up straightening the slanted angle I cut it at. They were disappointed with me but I didn’t essentially get in trouble or anything. They thought it was a faze like everyone else, that I’d grow out of it but I didn’t. Because it was who I truly was.

“Wouldn’t you rather them know the real you than the character they created?” Aaron asked.

I didn’t know. I was at a crossroads again, just like before. I had many crossroads in my life. The main one being before I left. I had decide whether to leave or continue to lie about who I was and how I felt.

“What would be the point? They’d just hate him. If he dies they probably won’t even go to his funeral because they’re so ashamed. Ashamed of something so stupid that should be celebrated, ” Trev replies annoyed.

Patrick wasn’t participating in the argument, just listening, like me. But he wasn’t thinking about a solution like me.

If I told them about me, Luke could be exposed. Luke probably wasn’t ready for that. His new life had only begun seven years ago and he deserved to be happy without the judgment. There would come a time when he’d have to explain to our parents why he hadn’t married a pretty blond haired and blue eyed girl and had a couple of kids and hopefully he’d be ready by then.

“I know but they also have a right to the truth,” Aaron comments.

“It should be Dean’s choice, they’re his parents,” Patrick comments sarcastically.

“But...” I start quietly.

I was hoping they’d make a decision about what to do. I wanted them to know the truth but I also didn’t want them to hate me.

I peeked at my watch, it was one o’clock. Luke would be done getting lunch by now. I wonder what he was doing now. I wish he was here to help me make the choice.

I sigh.

“We should all take some time to think about it,” Aaron finally sighs quietly. “We can offer our opinions when we’re ready but Dean and Luke will make the final decision about what they want to do.”

I breathe. I had time. I could get Luke’s opinion. It was just me we were telling them about so unless they forbid him from visiting me it didn’t really affect him.

Patrick left and Trev followed soon after but he turned back before leaving like he regretted not convincing Aaron to lie about me.

“Did you tell anybody?” Aaron asks half concerned, half surprised, I guess.

“Nobody knew. I was afraid the news would get back to my parents or something and they’d force me to go back to Bristol. I don’t hate my family just their views on what is acceptable. I’m glad Luke understands and sees the world the way I do. But I’m scared for both us and them because if they find out, we will have no family. They will abandon us. The only people going to our weddings or our funerals will be people we met after moving to America. Cause everyone we knew before moving here thought that being gay or transgender was a sin. Wasn’t there always that one kid who teased or put you down and you just never understood why? That’s them, only it’s worse because they’re my parents and I just can’t find new ones,” I answer quietly.

“I know. There always will be that one person who sucks. But those people shouldn’t be them. Are sure you know their view on that? Maybe they’ve changed. There was a time when people had to accept and adapt because people they knew felt different, ” Aaron questions.

“They made it very clear to us by practically posting homophobic hate comments on social media. Back then it wasn’t a crime cause everyone did it except the people who received it, ” I answer.

“Well, we’re here to support you no matter what you do, okay? None of us will be like them and tell you to lie about yourself. Just make the decision that makes you feel happy and safe and hopefully it all works out in the end,” Aaron continues padding me on the shoulder.

“I will. Wouldn’t benefit me to make the wrong choice, anyway. I’ll talk to Luke and see what he thinks, too,” I reply.

I leave his office quietly. I really did hope that no matter what happened that it did work out but life isn’t perfect. That’s just a fact, just like no person is perfect or accepting.

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