It all begins with a pair of earrings which mother wore. In the photograph which exactly resembled that of Ellis Ruth Ellis to be exact.
Mother is about 17 and has been told how to dye her hair a shade blonder than normal. She said a juice of lemon did the trick and to make it work cheaply it made her hair friz too. But brushing would mend the whole thing. Mother was insane? In the photo she has a white blouse on.
Mother not insane she just hiding I thought.
Mother not insane she just had not to be because we her children we must protect her.
Then back again to the photograph.
Why are your eyes that colour too?
I put lemon into them it dulls the colour and makes it brownish.
The thoughts come and go.
What has happened who is this woman in the photograph that I am drawn to but there is too much to do and there is no time to think or feel. We have to get on with it tempo and more tempo otherwise daddy will lose his temper. It is after all what we live on.
But the moment I have to spare the thoughts come and it is tiring to think. Not enough air or something? There I go into the photograph until mother removes it from the room and places it somewhere where I can’t be distracted by this new flame. Someone notices this someone notes down what I see is someone intelligent watching us?
Someone intelligent and not nice is watching us children and I must try to get them away or go outside the outside is most pleasing they must have nice things too little B and Z.
Then back to the photograph. It is like it had been rich in a frame embrossed or something where did mother get the money to do such a thing?
The resemblance is striking when I think about it. There sat with that normal thinking this is not her is it?
She settled into saying she in those days into thinking a shade blonder more her colour now she is all dark. I thought a pity why you ate all them chocolates mother because you so plump there? I had to be plump in order not to be .... She looked pregnant but she said she a good virgin at the time.
Mother sat down to sew again as she not her normal self the photograph in the centre of the room and there I sit down making eyes contact with the photo and there is something like Dorian Grey about the whole thing. Mother never lied to me to us to anyone she was a truthful woman she had to be because that is what a mother is.
Was mother older before she got younger? Because the thing was in the photograph mother looks as if she is able and mature and can take care of herself. I think she might even have gone out and she did.
She only went out occasionally to see father in hospital that she able to do this I thought because I was eight at the time looking after two toddlers who needed to be bottle fed at all time and when the bottle had been done the nappies changed. But we got on. It was just that they grew so strong while I got weaker and weaker.
Mother Zeks was a woman she said she loved men.
She was a party animal same as everyone else.
What is so strange about it all?
Muslim women wives are not supposed to be like that they were back in the 50′s almost as if sheltered by their men and what mother said she not a diffident woman.
At the weddings we had to sing and then I worked in the factory. Mother said but in some Turkish films the girls who work in factories are not treated very nice.
“Why was mother not a nice woman then?”
I threw up with the questions but when I did mother would clam down. So I grew spacious asking and hearing now and then.
All the men were coming up them stairs and leaving with the fairies.
If the steps I had done were any clues to my little adventures it would have led anybody to my suffering. The future did look bright but back than I did not realise it was me beating them up.