The hall was filled with so many familiar and unfamiliar faces, I thought I’d actually pass out. For someone who loves the spotlight, I wasn’t feeling too great about this one. I just have this feeling....a bad feeling about this.
“You look beautiful my daughter”mommy kisses my head and smiles down at me which made me smile and also kind of eased my nervousness.
“mommy. Are you really not happy with my decision?“I ask her.
She sighs and sits down on the chair opposite me.
“I wasn’t at first but the guy is nice. He hasn’t given me a reason to not like him. Am not 100% with it but if you want to marry him then there’s something great about him that I can’t see. Am happy”,she explains to me.
“Thank you”,I hug her instantly.
“What’s wrong? Why’s your body so stiff?“.
“I just, I don’t know. I feel uneasy all of a sudden”I tell her truthfully.
“Everything will be fine inshaAllah. Don’t worry”.
“The groom is there now. We need the bride”,Aaleyah tells us as she walks into the room I was placed in where I get my make up and dresses put on. Am actually feeling myself like, my make up is on point, my dress is lovely and simple which is a huge difference to what I usually like. I wanted to wear something elegant and yeah, but I changed my mind last minute and chose something simple. Mine is kind of a mixture of peach and white while my bridesmaids are white with a gold belt and hijab. I wanted to switch everything up a little.
My bridesmaids which includes Aaleyah, Fatima, Khadija, Aisha, Jumoke and Adunni. Basically all the girls from meeting. We’re more close so.
“Are you nervous?“,Fatima asks, probably noticing shaky I was.
“Don’t be. Once you go there, you get it done and dusted then go home. Easy. Just keep thinking that and you’ll be fine”,Adunni tells me.
“Okay I’ll tr-“.
Before I could finish my sentence, the doors were instantly opened revealing the crowded hall. Everyone was already standing up, some with cameras up and some with their phones. Either way they were all waiting for me, the bride to enter.
“I can’t do this”,I start to turn around but Aaleyah pushes me inside the hall before I could escape then she stands behind me and holds on tight to my shoulder.
“You’ll be fine”she whispers then her and Fatima basically drag me onto the entry carpet.
First face I saw was Aayans. He was dressed in a suit, similar to what most of the males were wearing. I don’t know what he was feeling but whatever it was died down because as soon as he catches my gaze, he puts on a fake smile.
“Stop looking at Aayan, people are confused. Who are you marrying, Aayan or Abidoun?“,Aaleyah whispers.
“Sorry”I look away instantly then turn towards the head of the stage where Abiodun was seated in his garment. He looked even much better than he always was. His beard was neatly kept, hair styled nicely and his garment looking on point.
Once we reach the top of the hall, I greet the elders then daddy and mommy. I hug daddy and kiss his cheek then mommy.
Eniola then takes my hand as Aaleyah takes a seat beside Fawaz. The two of us walk up the stairs and once we get on the stage, I seat beside Abiodun who smiles. I return the smile then glance at Eniola who sits on the chair beside ours while Abioduns sister, Olamide, sits on the other chair.
Once the ceremony started I was just out of it. I wasn’t even paying attention to anything. My mind was all over the place. Something is wrong and its giving me immense anxiety. Not just hat, I haven’t told Abiodun about me being infertile. I guess am actually more nervous about that than anything else. Am taking a huge guilty risk by not telling him, knowing that he wants kids in the future and that alone is causing me to feel super guilty. I don’t know what I’ll do. The wedding is on and I can’t exactly tell him something I was supposed to tell him days before, now.
“Zaynab”I hear my name being called which made me lift my head up from my lap. Abiodun was holding his ring between his fingers while giving me a look of confusion. Eniola who was holding the platter for the rings also have me the exact loo- actually everyone in the hall was staring at me with the same look.
“Sorry”,I whisper with embarrassment then hold out my hand towards Abiodun. He takes my hand then slides the ring on. I pick up mine then place it on his also which resulted in cheers of happiness from everyone.
Abiodun and I stand up then make our way down to the cake section. Hr puts his hand on and I follow after them we both cut down the cake together.
“Why are we cutting the cake before signing the marriage document?“,I ask Abiodun.
“What? Were you not listening? They said we’d do it in 10 minutes. They’re having a bit of a difficulty”.
“Oh. Sorry. I just have a headache and couldn’t pay attention”I lie. He just smiles and nods.
“Its okay. We can get you some paracetamol after”.
I look up from the cake and feed him his piece then he feeds me mine and once again the hall erupts with cheers.
This isn’t exactly how I pictured my wedding, at all. It was more of a happy thought. I was more happy, more excited...but now am just more scared, more out of it. I don’t even know anymore. Maybe I used up all my excitement in planning for the wedding leaving none left for the day that actually matters, my wedding day.
“Dude loosen up, you look like you got killed and came back to life to find the murderer”,a voice whisper yells. I know that annoying voice anywhere. Aayan.
“Nigga shut up am nervous”I tell him.
“Why? You look beautiful by the way”he tells me.
I look at him and couldn’t help but smile.
“You always do. Now stop sulking and be more happy. Your drawing attention and I can’t have my best friend looking anyhow now can I?“he asks.
I let out a chuckle then shake my head.
He smiles but I could see the sadness in his eyes. And for some reason I could relate.
“Look I know you don’t really want to talk to me because of my feelings for you. But you don’t have to worry about that anymore. I want what you want to. For you to be happy, and I don’t want our friendship to end because of it. So forget you ever heard anything...yeah?“he asks.
“Its okay am happy for you. Really. If your happy then am happy”.
My eyes tear up as he finishes.
*you ready to go? We’re signing documents now”Abiodun tells me as he walks over with his sister.
He looks at Aayan then at me and raises an eyebrow.
“Oh don’t worry. Am just her friend and her parents friends son. Aayan and congrats”Aayan holds out his hand to shake Abioduns.
“Come on”Abidoun disses his gesture then he walks past me along with his sister who throws me a glare.
“Wow”Aayan drops his hand and chuckles.
“What a diss”both him and I whisper then we both chuckle.
“Well I’ll see you around”.
“I’ll be waiting”he smiles.
I smile in return then walk towards the stage. When I get back to my seat, Abiodun, who was whispering to his sister stops instantly then smiles a little.
“Sorry about that. He was just congratulating me”I tell him.
“Its all good. I get it”.
Get what? What does he mean?
The documents are brought over to us. He signs his part of the documents and instantly everyone starts to cheer like they just won something. Like chill please.
“Your turn”he holds out the pen. I take it then stare at the documents. Why am I not able to do it. This should be easy. I don’t know if its because am guilty of not telling him such an important news OR of its because am finally thinking that its a wrong move. I don’t know.
“Are you okay? Sigh na”he whispers impatiently to me.
I quickly sign the papers and as soon as I put the pen down everyone erupts yet again with cheers. Both Abiodun and I stand up and smile. I look towards Aayan and the rest of my friends who were cheering the loudest. Aw true squad tingsss.
“You need help?“,Abiodun whispers into my ear with his arms around my waist as I try to unpack my clothes.
His house is massive, didn’t think it’d be this big. Its kind of a smaller replica of Fawaz parent’s house. He doesn’t have a wardrobe, the nigga has a closet filled with clothes, shoes, jackets, sunglasses, hats, you name it. There’s about 6 bedrooms, about 7/8 bathrooms, a massive kitchen, living room and hall.
“It’s okay, I’ll do it tomorrow am kinda bummed”.
“Mm me and you both like”,he shakes his head. I turn around and he looks down at me with a sweet smile then he just starts to lean in.
“Abiodun. I need to tell you something”,I whisper before he could kiss me.
“Am sure whatever it is can wait. I’ve restricted myself for so long”he wraps his arms around my waist and smiles.
“It can but am nervous as it is so let me just let it out”.
He sighs then moves away and rubs his forehead tiredly.
“What is it?“.
“So I missed my period for 4 months strai-”
“Well your a virgin.....right? So you can’t possibly be pregnant”.
“I know. Am not. That’s the thing. I have what is called Polysystic Ovarian Syndrome, so basically its the reason I have irregular periods. I have a severe one so the chances of me being able to conceive is very very less. So basically my ins-”
“I know what PCOS is”he cuts me off with a rather harsh tone.
“Are you angry with me?“he bite my lip and frown as I notice that his entire mood just changed.
“Why did you just wait till after the wedding to tell me? How you k-”
“I wanted to I really did. But I was so so scared. I thought you wouldn’t want to be with me anymore but the guilt was just eating me alive so I had to tell you before anything else happened.I only found out this week too”I tell him.
“But but there are other ways to have kids too. We can find other ways. I know you really want kids and am so so sorry”.
He rubs his forehead then he nods and hums.
“Am sorry”I hug him and smile when he doesn’t push me away. In fact he kisses my forehead and whispered “we’ll find a way”.