Therefore Dead Inside

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As I opened the door to the rooftop I gave my last smile. The rain finally climaxed into a raging storm. The water drops fell hard and the wind roared. I slowly walked to the edge of the building, Oreo, as always, was just beside me. I had chosen this building because I was born there, before the hospital was closed and abandoned.

I felt it was like me, it first opened its doors hoping to be accepted and helpful to everyone around it, but after a couple of years, they gave up on it. I stepped on the railing and turned around, facing the door which I just entered. I stared at it as soon as I could, before the strong wind reminded me of my purpose there. I looked down and gave a last look at Oreo.

Its fur was dry and he sat below me. I could almost swear there was a smile on its face. I straightened up one last time and closed my eyes. I gave my last words with a whisper.

“I hope you get the letter, Lili”

I pronounced her name a last time, slower than ever, more lovingly as well. As the last sound of the “i” escaped my throat, I let myself fall. Everything became slow motion, and my senses were stronger than ever. The water drops were bullets that drilled my ears and skin, the wind felt as if a tornado urged to rip my skin out, and the darkness that my closed eyelids provided was absolute.

Just before my head hit the ground, Oreo’s single meow resonated through my head. He was next to me, he never left me, he never did.

Dear, Lili

Cry for me in the rain, cry for me with all your lungs. Remember me, remember how I was so indifferent to everything, how you struggled to save me and failed. Remember the times you made me smile and laugh, remember that time we wrote on the board with sharpie “Llama Drama”. Remember when we got scolded for walking in the rain and how we went outside and danced in the rain instead. Remember every single thing we did and then mourn for me and my parents, mourn for the girl everyone hoped I was, mourn for the girl everyone thought I was, and most importantly, mourn for the woman I never got to be, the artist that was happy in her little messy studio and went out for coffee with you every afternoon. Mourn for her, please. Keep all of us in your mind, because even though the people we love are gone, they always keep living within the limits of your heart.

Iris Corsica ♥

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