A Million Times

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10.0 | A G O W I L T

Only your eyes really see me.


L O S T. Don’t you ever have one of those days when everything just falls apart? Days when despite giving your best and playing by the rules, you still get into trouble. Yeah, today was that day for me.

I woke up late to school. I missed half of the first class. I was distracted the whole time and the teacher caught that. I forgot to bring my assignments and when I asked for another day I was given a detention for disturbing the class.

I text Xavier asking him his whereabouts but there is no reply. I attend detention and I feel like everything is going wrong with me today. I leave the class after the teacher dismisses us and there he is waiting for me outside the classroom. He stubs the cigarette with his shoe and walks over to me.

“What happened?”
He knows I’m not the one who gets detention, ever. I texted him about it knowing he likes to know where I am. I ignored Xavier’s nagging question because I was simply not in a mood to talk.

“Why are you so upset?”
I looked him in the eyes telling him without words that it felt like everything in my life is falling apart piece by piece and I’m not sure if I have the strength to gather myself back again.

“Nothing I cannot manage. Did you attend your class?”
His hands were free of books and papers and I rarely ever see him in any classes, still one can hope.

“No. A class with a bunch of immature kids cannot teach me how to survive in the real world.”
That was one of the most overrated quotes he has ever said but maybe his future is also secure like mine, preplanned by his parents, so he doesn’t give a damn either. We never talk about the future, our future together specifically, what will happen after school is finished. He likes to live in the moment and right now I feel like maybe I have only these moments left to live for.

“Let’s go somewhere tonight.”
He curled my hair in his finger and tugged at it to pull me closer to him.

“I can’t today. Let’s go out tomorrow.”
I was ready with an excuse but he never questioned me again and agreed for tomorrow. He is in a good mood today otherwise he would have risen hell if I hadn’t told him the truth.

But the truth is something I have to hide from him. I don’t know what he will do if I told him I’m going out with Lion.

I smiled back at him to let him know everything is okay. We walked side by side not holding hands or stealing glances at one another because that’s not us. The peace was our affection. The world will never understand us and maybe at some level, I don’t understand us too but I wouldn’t change this for anything else.

“You are hiding something from me.”
He lit a cigarette as he said that. I looked at him to see if he knows about my plans with Lion today.

“Why would you say that?”

“I’ve been reading people my whole life. I know when you are lying, hiding the truth, or simply deceiving me. And right now you are straight out hiding something from me.”
He held my wrist suddenly and pulled me against his body. He dragged his finger down the side of my face and I shuddered when he grabbed my throat, lightly.

His lips were touching my lips and his eyes were focused on mine.

“I trust you but don’t take advantage of that. If you are lying about something because the truth might displease me then say it to my face now.”
I thought about it for a minute and then told him the truth. My only hope is that he will see the reason behind it and not charge up like I expect him to.

“I’m going to have dinner with Lion today.”
His hold on my throat tightened and for a second I thought he might never release me. He let me go immediately as if he sensed where my mind was going.

He looked way too calm. I guess he is trying to cover his outrage but I can feel his heart pumping wildly against my chest. His eyes have turned into ice and he just stared at something behind me. A storm comes after the eerie calm and I think I’m standing right in the middle of it.

“Let me explain. My parents want something from the mayor, some sort of business arrangement, and the mayor only listened to my stepfather’s proposal because Theodore was interested in me. He invited my family to his social functions. And now they want to use me to build a connection with Lion so they can still be in business. I know it sounds messed up and I shouldn’t be doing this but I cannot escape this. Anyways, it is just a casual dinner and I will let him know that I’m with you.”
I was almost panting as I finished speaking. Damn, I said it all without a single breath. I clutched his hands in mine and squeezed them. I offered him a kind smile in hope that he got my point. I guess I was wrong because the next thing he did was jerk his hands out of my grasp.

He lifted me by the waist and my legs dangled in the air for a minute. A loud gasp left my lips as he pushed me against the wall. He dropped his hold on me and banged the wall beside my face with his palm. I jerked back in surprise and noticed how he kept looking at me with rage brewing in his eyes.

“I need to leave if you are not ready to talk about it, Xavier. I’m not going to talk about it if are you going to behave like a caged beast.”

“Get out of my sight. NOW.”

His voice came out in a growl and he never sounded more ugly to me. I walked away straightening my spine not letting him know how little goosebumps were spreading over my body. I thought he wanted the truth but I could have avoided that if I had never told him.

I missed the bus so I have to walk home since I’ve no money on me. I reach the gates when the purring of Harley Davidson stops me. I turn around to see him looking at me through his helmet.

“I’ll drop you home.”
His tone is stone cold and I don’t think I want to be near him if he’s going to be like this the whole ride.

“No, thank you. I will catch the next bus at the stop.”

“Not in the mood for an argument right now, Natasha.”
I look at him for a second, then drag myself over to his bike. He hands me his helmet and when I refused to wear it, he turned around, push the helmet over my head, and then purrs the engine of the bike.

I pout my lips behind his back and dig my chin at his shoulder. I catch his reflection on the mirror and see the tense expression on his face.

But the tension in his muscles is no match to the storm building in his eyes.


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