Why I killed myself

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Summary

I trusted. I screamed. I pleaded. I was in pain. I called for help. I was all alone I was in pain all alone. I looked at the darkness that surrounded me and wondered if it leveled up to the darkness that lived in me. I wanted peace. I wanted to rest. I had no power on my life any longer because baby Joan was now the one controlling every second of it. Digesting in the darkness that surrounded me for the last time, I silently told Mom how sorry I was and struggled until the life was drained out of me.

Genre:
Mystery / Thriller
Author:
Annea110
Status:
Complete
Chapters:
10
Rating:
4.5 2 reviews
Age Rating:
13+

Chapter 1

I was only five years old when I tasted the cruelty of this world. On that day, my mom had left me with a brother, a neighbor. I have no idea or whatever about when and why she left me with him but I remembered clearly that the next time I saw her was the next day.

That night, the brother served me beans, which I ate with maximum pleasure. It wasn't the first time he would serve me food, so I felt at home in his room.

But we weren't alone. There was another brother in the room. He also was my neighbor. On that night, there was no electricity in the neighborhood, so the only light in the room was a small, blacked globe lantern which light was dimmed.

The brother, I meant the one mom left me with later told us that he had to see someone down the street and with that he left us alone. But I wasn't worried because it wasn't my first time staying with the other neighbor too.

I continued eating my beans but stange things started happening not long after he left. The first thing that happened was that the lantern was turned down until there was nothing but darkness in the room and before I could asked the second neighbor what was happening, he carried me from the couch where I was quietly eating my beans and laid me down on the cold cemented floor.

I had no idea about what he was doing and he silenced me before I could even open my mouth. He started working on his trouser but still I had no idea. Maybe if I had known, maybe I would have saved myself and maybe I would have saved my life. But I guessed it was my fate. I guessed it was what was written about me, Joan.

He took of my clothes and stared hurting me. He was trying to penetrate me but I wasn't calming down. I was telling him to stop, that it was paining me but he yielded to me not and later forced his way in

"Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahh" I screamed. I couldn't believe that there could be anything as painful as this. But I should have known that it was only the foundation of every other pains I would have.

I started telling him to stop. I started begging him to stop but he was not listening and he continued to hurt me. And when I realized that he wasn't planning to stop, I started calling the only person I knew could save me.

"My mommy! Save me! My mommy! Save me!" I started screaming which made him to start hitting me.

Thwack, right side. Thwack, left side... "Keep shut" but I wasn't listening. How could he expects me to keep shut when he was hurting me this badly? How could he expects me to keep calm?

"My mommy! Save me! My mommy! Save me!..."

But mom didn't came. I guessed she was far away and had no idea that something bad was happening to her daughter. But still, I didn't give up, I still called her name with the thought hope that she was going to save me and I knew you too wouldn't have given up if you were in my shoe.

I was hurt from the tip of my hair's to my toes. Every part of me was arching. I do not want the pain. I wanted it to go away but it seems impossible. I quizzed my eyes and took in fresh pain as it was rushing through my veins. I was just a five years old Joan, who knew nothing.

Thankfully, he later stopped, stood up and went to the window side and took a dirty cloth underneath the lowest window blade and cleaned some whitish thing that were coming from him.

I was weak and I thought it was over but I should have seen it coming the second time and I should have ran. But I was stupid and was still on the cold cemented floor tiredly. He came at me again and started all over. This time, it was worse than the first one and I thought I was going to die with the pain I was feeling.

"My mommy! Save me!..." I started screaming all over again. She was the only one I had. She was the only one I knew who could save me but she was far away from home and never heard my cries.

At one time, I opened my eyes and that was when I realized that I wasn't utterly alone, that there was someone else in the room. I opened my eyes widely and really looked at him. He was outside the window and he was looking at me straight in the eyes. He was mocking me for my weakness and his mockery doubled my pain. Right in front of my eyes, outside the window was the half moon. He was halfway through the room and I was in his full view because I was very close to the window.

"Save me! Save me!" I don't care whether he was mocking me or not, all I knew was that I wanted the pain to end. I wanted it gone but the half moon only shook his head and mocked me more. And that was the beginning of my hatred toward the half moon. He neither saved me nor tell the whole world what really happened to me. Everybody thought the moon was great but I knew better because he had shown me his real identity.

He stopped once again, stood up and went to the window side in order to clean the liquid and this time around I wanted to run. I tried to get up but I couldn't because none of my body part was functioning. So, in short, I was still on the cold cemented floor with horror fully written all over my face. I bit my tongue and felt metal.

He came once more and started all over and this time around, I knew I was going to die for real. I was sure I was going to die and I also wanted to die, if death would stop me from hurting this badly

"My mommy! Save me!" I tried screaming again but my voice was betraying me. It had started fading into thin air and I started closing up my eyes because there was nothing left for me but death.

Knock. Knock.

My eyes fled opened with hope. Was someone really knocking or had I imagined it?

Knock. Knock.

Someone was knocking on the door but he was not answering and continued to hurt me. And with one more last look at the half moon, my eyes closed.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Joan, don't worry. Everything is going to be okay" someone whispered.

Someone was bathing me inside mom's bathroom but I don't know who he was. I actually suspected that it was the brother mom left me with, but I won't say he was the one until I have a very strong prove. I wanted to tell the person what happened to me. I wanted to let him know someone hurt me but my mouth refused to move. And the next thing I knew, I woke on my bed the next day.

I had no idea why I wasn't in school the next day. Did mom suspected that I was sick or was it Saturday? But I suspected the latter.

I woke up the next day on my bed. Mom was no where to be found but I knew where to find her. So I got up and started making my way to the kitchen.

The house was a face to face, one story building which had a very wide and long passageway and the last room on each side was the kitchen. So, I had to pass through the passageway before getting to the kitchen. But half way through the passageway, I met the person that hurt me and went rigid instantly.

Was he going to hurt me? Would he hurt me in front of mommy? I had no idea. So, I just stood there unable to move and went cold the moment he bent down and looked at me in the eyes.

"I'm going to kill you the moment you tell anyone about what happened last night, including your mom and dad" he threatened with the most scariest face I had ever seen in my entire life.

I shook my head and ran to the kitchen the moment I knew he was gone but told Mom nothing. I was scared. I was scared of being killed. I believed his threat and denied myself justice.

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