Why I killed myself

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Chapter 2

My name was Joan. I was the first child and daughter of my family and I had two sisters- Juliana and juliet respectively. We left the house not long after because everyone was told to pack out.

We packed into a condusive flat, where I started living my life again and that was where I met Daniella and Kenneth. Daniella and Kenneth were siblings and our relationship thighten because their mother and my mom knew each other.

Daniella was a year older than me in age but I was her a year senior in school. She became my friend- my first friend and she started advising me to join her sex group when I was seven but I always turned her down. At this age, I knew what it meant to have sex and l knew the sacrifice I had to pay for it and so, I always turned her down with a capital NO.

Something was off, I had seen Daniella and her group, having sex in front of me several times and they had never screamed in pain whenever they were at it. So when I was eight, with their help I said yes and had my first ever sex.

The boy had wanted to stay at the top, but I said no and instead stayed at the top. I wouldn't allow anyone to hurt me again. What if he turned out to be like him.

That was how my sex life started and I always enjoyed them. It was different from the one he had with me and I wished to know the most suitable word for the sex he had with me. And no matter how many sex I had or how many people I had them with, the first one was always fresh in my memory. Waking me up at nights and that was the beginning of my problems.

When I was still seven, my second sister was just a toddler, so, I practically played with my first sister. My dad was a very strict, wicked, mean, selfish, lousy, ungrateful, annoying, rude, not understanding, not caring, abusive, and hot tempered man. He gave no room for explanations and jumped to conclusions. In short, my father was my anti.

There was this time he warned I and Juliana not to play at a nearby school garden but we ignored him and continued to play there.

One day, unfortunately for us, he came home early from office and met us there. It was one of my unforgettable days. He strongly held us and pulled us until we got home and went to his room to get one if his double twisted electricity wires which he always used to beat us.

I stayed at the back and watch in horror as he started beating up my four years old sister with the wires. Mom was at the kitchen entrance, watching everything that was happening but knew she had no strength to defend us even though she wanted to. After what felt like forever, he stopped beating her and turned his face to me.

I was scared. I don't want to be beaten with the wires. I was still nursing the bruise from the last beating and so before he could reach where I was standing, I bailed. I roughly pushed mom out of the kitchen entrance and ran as fast as I could. I was scared. I don't want another bruise. I ran out of the compound with the thought that he wouldn't follow me but realized how wrong I was the moment I took a glance at my back. He too had rushed out of the kitchen door and was after me in minutes.

What should I do? How was I going to escape? Different thought and questions started running through my mind but I had no answer to any of it but to run. So, I ran.

I got to Daniella's house and took a right. Daniella wasn't there but her step brothers were. I didn't look at there direction but ran. Because that was the only thing my mind could process at the moment.

"Samuel, how can I double cross her?" I heard dad asked the eldest of Daniella's step brothers.

I waited not for his reply but ran. I ran until I couldn't see him again. I ran until I was hundred percent sure that I was safe. I got to a T-junction and looked left and right. I had no idea of where I was or how I was going to get back home. I stood on a spot to calm myself down and when I thought I should start finding my way back home, was when I saw dad, running at an high speed from my left side. He was running toward me.

"Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahh" I screamed and started running to my right. I ran as fast as I could and met a Muslim woman, who was covered from head to toes. I don't care whether I could see her face or not. I don't care about who she was and rushed at her. I threw myself at her and started breathing in air heavily.

"Help me! Help me!" I pleaded

Within few seconds, dad too was there and he had started pulling me toward him. I do not want to go. I don't want to be with him alone, so I held more thigher with my other hand to the woman.

"Please sir. Forgive her..." She pleaded

"No" he shouted

"Please..." She later let go of me when she knew that there was nothing she could do to change his mind.

"Ma help me..." I started screaming as dad was dragging me home. I don't want to go home, so, I made sure I wasn't walking with my legs and he too doesn't care. He started dragging my body home.

We we're miles away from home. So practically my legs got peeled as a result of been dragged on the road. He dragged me home and gave me the beaten of my life.

My paternal granny started living with us not long after Juliet was born and took over our lunch and super. Things started falling apart as soon as she started staying with us a. Dad started going to office twice in a week b. Dad stopped giving mom money for food and instead bought everything himself including locust beans c. Dad started complaining about how bad and salty mom's soup were d. Dad and granny started ganging up on Mom.

Granny, whom we called mama was always nice towards us and always gave us bigger things to what mom gave us, which made I and Juliana to prefer her to mom.

There was this time that julliet was sick and made mom and mama to be awake all night. And in the morning, I followed dad out in order to buy bread for breakfast. There was no bread at the first five shops we went to but thankfully, there was bread at the sixth shop.

There was no small sizes, so dad bought two giant breads instead. We got home and gave the breads to mom but things changed the moment mom saw the breads. She started complaining. She said we should have looked for smaller sizes else where and the complaint went on for like five minutes until dad could not take it anymore.

Mom was backing julliet, who was sleeping peacefully after a long night and before anyone of us could register what was happening, dad rushed at mom and gave her an heavy punch in the face.

Something cracked.

Mom screamed.

I screamed.

Juliana's eyes widened in horror.

Mama got out of her chair.

He gave her another punch and another and another until mom couldn't take it anymore and rushed to the sitting room, where I giant shelf that mama made in the 60's stood.

Julliet started screaming.

Dad rushed after mom and started beating both mom and julliet up. Mama told Dad to stop but he ignored her and continued the beating.

I looked up and looked at mama. She was looking pleased even though she told dad to stop. What was wrong with Mama's look? I questioned myself

Dad came out of the back of the shelf and ran to the kitchen. He came out few seconds later with a giant stool that Mama brought with her and raised it up. What was he planning to do with the stool? Was he trying to hit mom with that? Yes. The answer came instantly and I knew I had to do something before the stool make contact with mom. So without thinking twice, I rushed at him like a mad dog. I rushed at him like a mad dog he made me and pushed him as powerful as I could.

He staggered a little, stabled himself and turned back to look at me. His eyes were bloodshot and I became scared. Would he hit me with the giant stool? I had no idea but before I could move, he dropped the stool with a loud bang and threw me across the room. Physically, it was like pushing but to me, it was like throwing.

My head made a loud boom and I saw stars. My head rang as if I was under a giant bell. My eyes started malfunctioning and I started seeing two shelfs. Two Mamas. I wanted to get control of my head but I couldn't help it, so, I stopped trying. He stopped beating her not long after and went inside his room with the whole breads.

Mama followed him to calm him down as everyone thought except me. I and juliana went to get Mom. She was bruised all over and likewise was julliet. Juliana started crying and mom started petting her. I took julliet from her back and started singing her one of the common rhythms.

We ate nothing that morning and the four of us went to Mom's room and held each other until we fell asleep.

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