Why I killed myself

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Chapter 7

I got admitted into the university and everyone of my family was very happy except me. I was scared of going back to that school. I was scared of being called a prostitute even though I knew I wasn't one but how was I going to explain what really happened to people and I became very scared as we drove closer to the university.

Three months later, I had a new boyfriend who was in 300L. At first, he showed me love, care and everything a boyfriend showed his girlfriend. But still, something was wrong.a. I later found out that he had an original girlfriend- if that really made sense and b. He was a father. Even with all this, I still don't care. I still showed him that I loved him but he later insulted me and told me to get out of his life.

I cried for weeks. He broke me more than anyone else I'd dated. But after being consoled by my best friend Zainab, I moved on.

In July that year, I went to Zainab's hostel angrily because she borrowed one of my heels without informing me. Fortunately, she wasn't around but I met a stupid neighbor of her's whom I had been turning down since the first day I met him.

As usual, he started his normal routine, telling me he loved me and how far he was going to go for me when a guy peeped at me from an hostel which was close to where we stood.

The guy caught me off guard and I spotted goose bombs. He was cute. He was very handsome. I closed my eyes and opened it in order for me to confirm that I wasn't dreaming and he was no longer there when I opened my eyes.

Did I imagined that?

When Zainab's neighbor was through with his story for the gods, I adjusted myself and intentionally passed through the hostel where I had seen the guy with the hope that he was going to be alone.

There were up to fifteen guys in front of the building, so instead of searching for him among them, I looked straight ahead.

"Joan"

I paused

Did someone just called my name?

"Joan" I turned around to see the guy that was calling me and lo and behold, it was the cute guy.

"Hi" I said

"Hi Joan. I'm Joseph"

"Okay. How do you know my name?" I asked him as he was accompanying me back to my hostel

"Like seriously, you don't know me?"

"This is my first time of seeing you" I replied and raised up my head to study his face.

"Okay. As I've said earlier I'm Joseph and I've seen you several times. I've even chatted with you twice and you gave me fake numbers both times"

"During the day or during the night?"

"During the night"

Truth be told, a lot guys asked for my number at night and I always gave them fake numbers - actually it wasn't hundred percent fake. All what I did was to add one or minus one from my last number in order not to get it confused because their were some guys, who thought they were smart, who would asked me to repeat the numbers.

That was how I met Joseph. The guy I thought I would married. The guy I thought I would have kids for. The guy I thought all my kids would resembled. I would sleep in his arms at nights and dreamt about the warmly welcome his family were going to give me when he took me home.

Don't get me wrong, he actually didn't broke my heart, I broke his.

We officially became a couple on October first and had our first sex on January eight. He was a good fucker but that actually wasn't the only reason why I loved him. I loved him because of who he was.

He treated me like a girlfriend. Gave me everything I asked for. Let everyone knew we were a couple. He wasn't ashamed of me and for the second time in a very long time, I was someone's number one.

Six months in our relationship, I met this guy who made me see the real world. I met him at a birthday party and after that we started hooking up.

Joseph doesn't like drinking much and he wanted me to follow in his steps. If I and Joseph went out, he wouldn't allow me to take more than a bottle likewise him. He was like that but this new guy wasn't. He made me drank too much. And he was making me viewed my boyfriend as an old school.

Once Joseph perceived alcohol on my breath, he would get angry at me and drew me close to him later. He was like the father figure I wished I had and I wondered how lucky my kids were going to be.

He went on a three weeks training but came back a week early. He came to my hostel directly and met me being fucked by the new guy.

That day, I wanted the ground to just open and swallow me. It was the first day I would ever cheat on me. I put on one of my gowns and ran after him but he was walking so fast I was unable to keep up.

I went to his hostel that night and thankfully he was around.

I knelt down for him. I cried. I pleaded. I promised. I did everything a desperate person would do at that particular time. I even seduced but nothing worked on him.

"Why would you do that to me Joan? Why? Why? Just answer why?"

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry"

"Since when have you been seeing this guy?"

"Today was the first"

"Stop lying Joan"

"I swear. I swear"

"I chose you over all other girls. I chose you because I love you. I thought you love me back but I don't know what to believe anymore" he tried to calm himself down in order not to cry

"I'm sorry baby. Baby, I'm sorry"

"I'm no longer your baby. It's over for real"

I stayed home for almost a month because I still couldn't believe that I made my perfect boyfriend to slip out of my fingers. And when I had the courage to face the world again was when I realized that the world was about to turn it back on me.

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