I woke up to the sound of the rain thumping on the window, it gave me a headache. Or was it the grey gloomy light beaming through my window curtain? It had been almost three months of grieving. Tonight was Jake’s family dinner. Meaning I would actually have to get out of bed. I would actually have to act like everything was okay. Was it? Was everything okay?
The trash smelled and the little dishes in the sink had fruit flies hovering over them. The dinner was only two hours max. Not counting the hour car ride there and back, which would include the usual small talk that would eventually turn into awkward arguments about how I never eat enough and how I’ve lost more weight than expected.
My dress was tight, almost too tight. I brushed my hair, put Sarah’s locket on and I waited.
The knock on the door made me jump. Jake had a key. Why would he knock? I opened the rusty door and there he was. Arms full of flowers and what looked like bags full of groceries. He walked in and set the bags next to the ones he bought yesterday. I smiled; knowing they would go bad before I even had the thought of eating whatever fatty foods he brought.
Jake was tall, slim, and fit. He almost always wore the ocean bath and body works lotion and he was never underdressed. The black suit he was wearing was perfectly ironed. His hair was perfectly in place. Jake was perfect. So perfect I continued to ask myself why I deserve him. So perfect I wonder what he would have to do to drive me over the edge.
I walked to the fridge pretending like I was looking in to evaluate what I had when I knew exactly what was in there. I hadn’t touched the fridge in days.
‘We better get going, If we’re going to make it on time. You know mom hates when were running late’
I smiled, agreeing that it was time to go.
I grabbed my things, slipped my heels on, and closed the rusty door behind me as we walked out of my rather antique apartment.
‘Where did you park?’
I ask, even though I already knew. He has parked in the same spot for the past five years we have been together.
The doors locked and the car engine started. I knew the roads were getting bad, but I didn’t think the rain would turn into ice that fast.
‘Do you want to listen to the radio?’
’Mom made your favorites. Pulled pork, with those cheesy mash potatoes you like, and a homemade apple pie for dessert.”
I listened to him go on and on about the dinner and how his mother and father have agreed to work things out again.
I kept nodding and agreeing to whatever mumbling he was talking about as I looked out the car window and evaluated the long stretches of field.
‘Hey, are you okay? You’ve been quiet lately’
‘Im fine Jake.’
‘I mean I get why you were acting like this before but its been 3 months, don’t you think it’s time to move on’
‘Yeah you’re right Jake, just forget about it. You wouldnt understand’
‘ARE YOU KIDDING ME?’ He screamed so loud I was sure the car next to us could hear.
‘You act like I wasn’t there, You act like it wasnt my child we lost’
The hurt of him saying that burned my skin. Tears rushed down my face. I wasn’t sad, or mad. I felt nothing.
‘Great, I’m the bad guy again.’
I closed my eyes and eventually drifted off.