The first time I did this people recommended me to get a help.
But psychiatrist are useless. They all asked me the same questions over and over again. Told me to stop blaming myself. Change my life style. Eat healthy. Take some drugs and medicines they give. Meditate blah blah blah...
Who the fuck meditates these days?
These all tactics were useless to me. I tried everything but nothing came close to the satisfaction the pain gives me. So I accepted their failure and moved on.
Walking into my closet , I grabbed my skinny black ripped jeans , loose white t-shirt , black coverall and black converse.
I twisted my hair into a bun and made my way out in the kitchen. I quickly grabbed some avocado toast and went back to my office.
I attended few conference meeting for the next 2 hours.
"So you are saying that you cannot sell the venture to me because RDx told you so ?? Aren't you petrified of me director?? I guess you don't have any desire to live eh ... " I laughed coldly at the director of The Trushes with my emotionless voice. Honestly this scum was getting on my last nerve now.
"I'm sorry Ma'am but they are really treacherous. They have menaced us that if we sell this venture they will destroy The Trushes. I'll be on the roads ma'am. They say the venture is their possession." The director cried.
"If I give it to you I die. If I don't, I die. If I ignore then too I die. Either way I have to depart from my life. Only you can help me ma'am. Please don't do this to me." The director's voice broke and it began to annoy me more.
I banged my both hands on the table having enough of his screaching sobs. Everybody finched. But I didn't care. If they don't respect me. I would shoot a fucking bullet in their skull.
"Can you lower your verbal vomit? It's pissing me off. Shut your mouth for 2 fucking minutes moron!!!"
I sighed and took a deep breath and asked him in a low voice, " 5 million dollars and I'll swipe then off of you. "
"Ma'am that's the sum that even my whole property couldn't add up to!!!Please don't do this!!! " director cried again.
"I didn't ask you. It is what it is. You have 5 days to give it to me or you simply die. Now fuck off !!"
"But Ma.." I ended the call totally pissed. I got up and walked out of the cabin to get some free air and cool off my mind. Seeing the darkness of the sky I quickly glanced at my watch.
Shit I totally forget about the club. I quickly shut the cabin and walked to my room. I hope I see him again......
The light was bright in my room. Enough to see the reflection of the person that I hated the most. More than Ki. More than the hate itself.
"why should I particularly like a reflection who resembles me? There is nothing in me to like; you know that. " I pointed at the person staring into my eyes from the mirror.
"Ah, confound you! What a change you have made in yourself! A good reason for talking to you eh! Even I don't like you. Look at you!! All flaws and failure" She smirked.
"This ." She pointed to her/ my face,"shows you what you have fallen away from, and what you might have been!" She shouted.
Then she smirked again and continued," Look at you being pathetic and useless. You couldn't even find a single killer. Look what you have made of me."
"I was just an innocent teenager. You made me a killer. You are a monster Hestia. And deep down in your heart you know it. You are enjoying this." She giggled.
"YOU ARE WRONG ! I DIDN'T WANT THIS" , my voice broke. Even my reflection was disgusted by me.
"Yes you did. You love this", she gives me a cruel smile. "ADMIT IT HESTIA !!!! YOU ARE A MONSTER!!" She bawled.
"SHUT UP!!!" I shut my eyes and covered my ear to deny her. I looked for the nearest thing possible and found vase beside. I picked it up and threw it towards the reflection with all my strength . The mirror shattered in million pieces. Some of them flied on me cutting through my skin. Making my hand bleed.
Blood started pouring outta my knuckles. It started dripping on the clean floor.
"You are wrong. I'm not cruel. I don't love this. I didn't choose to become this." I croaked. Did I? Who am I kidding to? As soon as I killed Ki, I wanted to leave this world. I wanted to leave everything and go back to India where Dad belonged to.
I walked out of the door not even bothering to clean my wound.
I'm monster. An abomination nothing to live for except death and misery. They changed me. It sickens me to know that I was their guinea pig for those experiments.
I walked out of the house and unlock my car. Hopping in car I drived straight to the club.
As I arrived at the club, I walked up to the VIP section not even bothering to look at the queue.
I'm about to enter the club when the bouncer called out for me , " Excuse me Ma'am , Do you have a pass? "
It made me turn my head to look into his eyes. He flinched with my menacing look and quickly apologised.
As soon as I entered the club I walked up to the bar.
"Two whiskey on rocks." I ordered and started examining the club. Analysing every corner with the details. As soon as the drink came. I gulped it in one go.
The alcohol burned as it went down my throat.
I looked around the club and my gaze stoped at the most beautiful blue eyes. He was sitting with his band mates on the aisle of the club.
I watched him patiently memorising his moves.
He was wearing a white t-shirt with black ripped jeans and a leather jacket. He was well built as much as I could make out from here.
He was singing with his friends and waving his body in a certain way that was making his muscles define. As his eyes landed on me he stopped singing and stared dead at me.
We looked into each other's eyes for few minutes. It felt like the time has stopped. Music slowly started to fade. Every noise started to lower. A strange void came in between us.
He broke the eye contact and started looking obnoxious.
I took it as a queue and approached him.