“Kate honey,” Mom comes in to my room. “I got a call from from Dr. Queres. She says you’ve missed five sessions with her already. Care to explain why?”
“Mom... I don’t know. I don’t like talking about it” I ramble. Truth is I hate Dr. Queres. She’s done nothing except ask me how I am. She’s entirely useless. Plus I need more time to investigate the sucides, my brother’s suicide. And with mom breathing down my neck, the only free time I have is when I go to see Dr. Queres. So I don’t.
“It’s not a big problem mom. I don’t need her anyway. She’s useless. I’m fine on my own.” I look up to meet her eyes, and they plainly say that no matter what I say, I’m going to my weekly sessions with Dr. Queres.
She pulls me into a hug. A thing she used to do with my brother a lot. I was never the physical touchy type, so nobody in my family gave me a lot of hugs. But Liam, he loved hugs. He used to give them to everybody, everyday, even me. And for some reason I was okay with that. I choke up just thinking about it. Now everybody gives each other hugs at least once a day as to keep his legacy alive. Mom also starts crying. She does that a lot these days, but I can’t say I blame her. It’s only been a month since the Suicides.
“You’re going to see Dr. Queres. Understand?” She asks, even though it’s not much of a question since I have no choice.
“Whatever,” I say in response. She smiles a little at that.
“Good girl. Now go to sleep, it’s getting late,” She kisses my forehead and tucks me in like I’m five all over again. Then she turns off the lights and closes the door.
I lay awake for a long time, lost in my own thoughts. Usually before going to sleep I do some digging. Looking at articles to see if something useful came up, or something. But tonight I can’t will myself up. Maybe it’s because mom tucked me in and I don’t wanna ruin that. Whatever it is it keeps me under my sheets, looking up at the ceiling and just pondering over the past, present and the future.
“Oh c’mon Kate. Don’t be a scaredy cat. Just do it” Liam tells me. I’m standing in a tree, clinging onto it for my life.
“I-I can’t. It’s too tall” I say back
“Kate don’t you trust your big bro? I’ll catch you. You’re not even that high. C’mon Katey, you can do it. I believe in you. Just jump and I swear I’ll catch you. Promise”
“Pinky promise” He reassures me, smiling brightly, extending his arms, as if to catch me.
"Fine. But if I die, I'm taking you with me," I say to him.
"Whatever you say Katey" He laughs.
I bend my knees and jump, but this time instead of Liam catching me, I keep falling, and falling, and falling."