The only thing that I remembered is tears streaming down my face, the heavy pounding of my heart, and the buzzing of people’s voices asking me if I am alright. No words are produced by my mouth and I blocked all the sound that I can hear in the background. I don’t want to process anything that moment and I wanted to escape, everything even reality...
I can still recall that night, the night that turn my life upside down.
I am at the backseat with my brother. The heavy pouring of the rain made it impossible for me to look outside the car’s window which I love to do when we went for a drive. My brother named Sky toothlessly smiled at me and produced a happy sound which always made me laugh except that time.
I love the rain because I am named after it, my mom told me that it was raining so much when I was born causing me to be obsessed with it. but I didn’t know that it will be a cause of damage to my life that will never be repaired as well.
They were arguing about something that night, my dad sounds frustrated as my mom keeps ranting about something which I don’t understand before until now. This made me uneasy for I didn’t saw them fight before in front of me and my brother.
I was frightened and on the verge of crying my eyes out, telling them to stop but something came on.
A honk was heard, Sky’s crying filled my senses and my mother’s shouting overwhelmed the car and the next thing I know is that my dad yelled something to me before everything blacked out.
I don’t know how long I have been asleep, I just woke up in a white room while tubes have been connected to the different parts of my body, the beeping was the silent music enveloping the whole lonely place. This made me panic and made my heart monitor beep even more. I let my eyes urgently search for anyone I know inside with me. I want to scream but there's something inserted on my mouth making it hard for me to do so.
It was only a matter of time when people in white came rushing in. They were talking to me but I barely registered the words they were trying to say before injecting me something that made me unconscious again.
I want to ask them something at that time but I can’t remember the question. I was unconscious once again but I didn’t know that I was. I keep dreaming and dreaming and thought that it was real, the smiling and the laughing of my parents and Sky’s grinning but before I can even process it, I woke up in reality.
Something I shouldn't have done.
The moment I woke up, I can sense that everything changes, my surrounding changes. I am in a friendly room with cartoon characters painted on the wall. No more tubes and beeping, just a single tube attached to my tiny hand.
I look around but no one was there.
“Mommy? Daddy?” I called out with my child’s voice quivering in fear but they weren’t there.
"Mommy? Daddy?" I called out again but no one heard me. I burst out in tears yet it was all in vain.
No one came, I was all alone in that room.
It was only then that I remember what happened, the yelling, crying, and shouting and the endless pain.
Tears overwhelmed my face as I called out for them hoping they would show up and tell me that it's alright.
But, no one came.
I am all alone... This idea saddens me. No, scratch that.
The mere thought destroyed me.
I sobbed endlessly until a nurse came to comfort me, telling me everything would be alright but a stranger's words for comfort didn't change the fact that everything won’t be alright, nothing will ever be alright.
I asked her where parents are and why aren’t they here but she didn’t say anything.
No one gave the answers every time I ask. No one care enough to explain to an eight-year-old girl what happened so I sat there all alone, confused.
A few weeks pass full of fruitless never-ending questions to myself and wanting to know the answer and I just stop...
I didn’t speak and I didn’t let anyone talk to me. All I do is ignore the fact that they are there. They ignore my pleas so I have no choice but to ignore their existence.
I can feel it, my life will change and no one is good enough to tell me what happened.
Until one day when they finally crack and told me the truth and at that exact moment, I finally snapped.
I can’t sleep, I can’t think and I can’t move on.
It is the first time that I feel like I am lost and will never be found again.
Staffers came asking me questions I didn’t understand and I just look at them with my dead eyes and lowered my head. I don’t want to see them, I want to see my parents, not them.
They throw me a pitiful look which I don’t appreciate before trying to interrogate me again the next day that ends up like any other day. No answer came and they don’t expect it to come from me by the way I behaved.
They stop caring about that, I was thrown in an orphanage after until the court traces relatives that I could have. I don’t care.
I stayed in an old creepy orphanage for a few months. The people that are assigned to take care of us are strict but they don’t have any problem with me.
I don’t speak a word. They are trying to talk to me but I don’t reciprocate the action.
I ignore them, I don’t like them.
They didn’t tell me what exactly happened to my family but it’s obvious they are dead. If not, why aren’t they coming for me?
I still cried in my sleep, screaming until the person that is assigned to sleep in the room along with the orphans heard and woke me up but when I did, I just look at them and didn’t say a word.
They all thought I am mute, too traumatized to even be aware of reality, I know to myself that I am not. I just don’t like talking to them. I don’t care about them.
I don’t care about anything.
Then someone came...
Every child is surprised and ecstatic at the same time for they don’t have many visitors coming here except for the sponsors and the authorities, well, except for me.
The loud buzzing of children wondering who would be adopted grew louder as the morning passed, wishing that it was them but all I can think of is nothing.
I don't even want to think.
The head quickly assisted the lady in her office before we can have a good look at her.
It was after breakfast when the head of the orphanage called me while the staff came and assisted me.
I can hear everyone whispering something about me while I walked along with the stabbing glares they threw in my direction.
It was a long and dreadful walk from the room where I was staying towards the office of the head of the orphanage.
I was confused though, why me?
My forehead creased and brows knitted together.
Did I do something wrong? I want to ask the person with me but we already arrived by the time I muster up the courage to even open my mouth.
The staff opened the door and ushered me in, that's when I finally got the chance to gaze and saw a lady, my eyes grew wide.
She looks like a queen, I thought. Everything about her looks like royalty.
She's beautiful, there's no denying that and her every movement are so refined and gently and at ease. She has this expression that will intimidate you yet welcome you at the same time. Her long chestnut hair was rolled up in a bun and she doesn’t wear any make-up which made her natural beauty stand out. Her dark brown eyes look at me with kindness and happiness rolled into one. Her full lips turned into a smile.
The white delicate dress that she wore was rustling every time she moves and gestured me to sit on the chair across from her.
“She looks just like you, Miss.” The head of the orphanage said while looking at me and the mysterious lady. “What side are you related to her?”
“Father’s side.” The lady answered with her queenly voice. “Her father is my younger brother, we lost contact when he married her mother a few years back.”
“Well, what can you say, Rain? Are you excited to move in with your aunt?” The head asked me while the lady looks at me.
I didn’t say a word nor tell them my answer. I just lowered my head and drop my gaze on the floor.
I've never met her nor have any idea that I have an aunt.
“I'm sorry about that, she never spoke ever since she woke up in the hospital. The doctors said she is traumatized and shock because of the accident.” The head explained when I didn't say anything. “I hope she'll talk to you when she moved in with you.”
“Don't worry, I understand and I’m going to work on it.” She smiled and looked at me again before kneeling in from of me and looked into my eyes. “Hello Rain, I’m your aunt Marga. Are you excited to come with me?”
I glanced at her before looking at my dead surroundings before finally nodding.
She beamed at my small gesture and seems happy that I have given her a reaction.
“Good. Go pack your bags while we deal with your papers, alright?” She smiled before I was ushered out of the room again to pack my nonexistent things. I didn’t own many clothes so I didn’t take up much time in packing before I return to the office.
She was ready to go and everyone waved goodbye at me, including the head that gave me a tight embrace as if we were close before I enter the car that is parked outside the building.
As we pull out of the driveway and hit the road, she looks at me and whispered something that would probably haunt me for the rest of my lives.
“I promise you everything would change.”
And it did, everything did change.