All I could feel was the cold air reaching my lungs. The fog was clouding my sight and I couldn’t even remember how I got here.
I looked down and stared into the void that was beneath me, founding myself again in this place... This ledge that had taken away so much from me.
But after everything, somehow, being here made sense... I knew what I had to do now, I knew that I had to take one more step for the last time and finally end it all.
I looked down again, feeling my pulse race and my determination shake as I saw some rocks fall into the void beneath my feet. I closed my eyes and squeezed my fists until my nails drew blood on my palms.
And then I screamed on the top of my lungs...
But I already knew why. One more tear rolled down my cheek while I remembered...
February 29th, 1912
“Push Mrs. Holton” I heard the Midwife say. I screamed and pushed one more time... The pain was unbearable. I’d been in labor for hours and my strength was melting away.
“One more big push Mrs, she’s almost here”
And then I remember her, I was doing this for her... All for my little Yvaine. So, with all my might, I pushed one more time ubtil I felt the release of the pressure and then the end of the pain. I felt I could breath again and that now everything would be better.
After a little while I heard the most angelic sound, I heard her cry. And I smiled with tears in my eyes as I realized that this was the single most happy moment of my life.
“Here she is Mrs. Colton, you did great and she’s alright”. The midwife approached me with my baby wrapped in the blanket I knitted for her and I knew she was safe... I knew she was alright.
But I also knew I wasn’t, I could feel my life slipping away but I looked into my daughter’s face and knew it was all worth it.
“Her name is Yvaine, my little golden star”, and I started to feel my eyelids heavy and my breaths shallow. “Tell Henry to look after her and that I will always love him” And with that I took my last breath, without having the chance to hold my precious little girl even once.
I saw the midwife open the door with the baby in her arms, I stood up immediately.
Midwife: “Mr. Holton, this is Yvaine, your baby daughter”
And she extended the baby to me.
“Can I see my wife? How is she?”
I saw the midwife put the baby close to her chest again and her smile dropped.
“I’m sorry Mr. Holton, she lost too much blood during the delivery, but she saw your daughter and she was happy. She said she loved you. I’m so sorry sir”
I felt like my world was crumbling down, like all the happiness I felt a few seconds ago was fading away. I looked at the baby and she looked so much like my precious Lily that my heart broke, all that sorrow being now replaced by a rage that ignited in my chest. This thing was the culprit, this child took my beloved away from me and I couldn’t stand to look at it.
“Take that thing away from me, I don’t want to see it ever again”
I heard the midwife gasp. “But Mr. Holton your wife wouldn’t want this, she went through so much to be able to give you this child”
“WELL I DON’T WANT IT!! TAKE IT AWAY”
The midwife recoiled and the child started crying, but I couldn’t care less. I pushed her out of the way and opened the door to the bedroom, I needed to see Lily one last time.
Then I stoped and instructed “take it to Madame Rouge, she’ll know what to do”.
And with that I made sure I would never see this child again.