Chapter 25 - Abandonment
A murderer in a long cape is standing, holding a knife. The blood is dripping from the blade, and the person’s face covers a smile. A body lays in a puddle of blood, becoming more significant. The person raises their head a little, their hand reaching to me.
I pressed to Pablo’s shoulder even more. “N-no, please...”
“Ku? What’s wrong?” Mizuki asked worriedly.
“I s-saw something terrible; it’s fine. I’m fine.” I pulled from him. “It’s just...”
“The friend.” Mizuki with Pablo said together quietly. I nodded and sniffed. Mizuki handed me a tissue.
Aaron, Nanami, and Mai came home later, and I tried to act naturally. Outside raged an ugly storm. I had dinner with the Nakajima family, and Nanami eyed the window while we sat at the dining table.
“It’s a bad storm outside. You could get struck by lightning. It would be better if you stayed.” she looked at me, and I nodded. “It’s fine with me. I don’t mind staying here. So it’ll be a sleepover?”
“Exactly!” Mai smiled cheerfully.
Pablo and I played some games on PlayStation, studied math, literature, history, and languages for our exams, a ton of things to learn. I still felt sick from the sudden flashback and pushed the sadness deep down.
I had no idea why do I keep having flashbacks. The terrible events were repeated and in detail. I walked up to the window, eyeing the dark drowning sky and raindrops. I tried keeping the tears inside. However, they ran down my face anyway.
Why me? What is real and what isn’t? What if Mei never existed and was just a dream? What if all of this is just a dream? Will it end? What if my friends now aren’t, and it’s just my imagination?
The murderer chasing me seems real. I can’t tell whenever he is real or fake. And when I am going to think he was just my imagination, what if the next time it will be a real murderer? Who can help me...? Am I crazy? Do I belong to a psychiatric hospital? I’m scared... I’m afraid I will end in a psychiatric hospital someday because of what happened in the past... And I’m worried that my friends are going to leave me. What should I do?! What?!
I have nobody to who I can relate to... I feel as if I see myself standing in front of the window; the person isn’t me, but someone else. And I’m watching everything the person does. Every move. Watching someone else live their life... Like a ghost.
I swept my tears off and set a brave smile on my face, hearing a door open. Soon after, Pablo came into the room, and I peered at him.
“Why are you looking at me like that?” he asked.
“Well... I’ll have to sleep somewhere.”
“I know. You can sleep next to me.”
“Really?” My heart began beating faster by hearing this. Pablo smiled. “Of course. Where should you sleep? The floor?”
I nodded, thrilled. I’ll get to sleep beside him!
I borrowed pajamas from Mizuki, took a quick shower, and brushed my teeth. Using Mizuki’s toothbrush, of course. “It’s a little different when you’re best friends with a boy... And we’re just friends. It should stay this way...” I mumbled while brushing my teeth. However, I knew I’m not completely honest. “I hope I won’t fall for him.”
“Really?” the voice in my head asked mockingly. “Or have you already?”
“Shut up. You’re annoying. Go back to where you came from!”
“I don’t desire to.” the voice answered.
“Do I look like I care? Hm?”
“I don’t know. You certainly look bugged.”
“Where even are you?! Why are you talking to my ear?!” I turned around, knowing nobody is going to be there.
“Are you Shinshu? Or...”
“Why should I tell? Anyway, if you fall for him, you’re going to screw up everything.”
“What do you mean?”
“It’s clear he doesn’t have feelings for you. Are you blind?”
“Can you shut up for a second? I can’t concentrate.”
“Oh, really? Or do you not like what you are hearing?”
“Both. Now, can you be quiet?”
No answer. I sighed. I heard voices since I was a child. I felt so lonely, and our house stopped looking good. We never celebrated anything. I wished I could have a family like everyone else. That’s when the voice arrived to comfort me. I gave it a name - Shinshu. She disappeared and now came back...
Why can’t she just disappear? And there are more. I’m scared Pablo and Miz are going to think I am crazy. I don’t wish them to find out, but I already said I saw a murderer... I know they suspect something. What if they’ll abandon me...?
I swept the thoughts out of my head and returned to Mizuki. “Thanks for letting me borrow your things.”
I stepped into Pablo’s room and lay beside him. He had shifted eyes on his phone and averted them as he saw me. “Hi.”
“Hola,” he answered. We both smiled at each other. The wind outside shut the open window. I yelped, and Pablo shifted his head sharply. Lights were off, and the only light in the room came from his phone, he held.
“Are you okay? It’s just an ugly storm. Storm can’t hurt you; besides you’re here with me.”
She nodded. “You’re right.”
“Yeah. Nothing can hurt you, trust me.” he yawned. I thought about his words. He’s right. I nestled in the warm blanket. Pablo’s bed can be extended, and another mattress put in, so I don’t have to sleep on the floor. The blanket is nicely warm...
“Goodnight,” I mumbled.
Nevertheless, I couldn’t fall asleep, and flashbacks continually appeared in my mind. The body is lying in a puddle of blood... The slaughterer is chasing me... These voices... Seeing things that don’t exist... What exists and what does not?
I was too exhausted and sad to fall asleep. On top, I can’t fall asleep... What is happening? I really am okay...
Fog appeared. I was unable to see through, not knowing where I am.
“Hello?!” I shouted in the void. Nevertheless, nothing happened. “Where am I?”
Strolling through the fog, a big white building resembling a hospital reached my sights.
“Sakura Kurumi, you were supposed to go to an orphanage, yet we assessed the situation. You’re dangerous to others and need a special school. For now, you belong to a psychiatric hospital.” said a familiar policeman.
“What?!” I shouted in unbelief, slipped, and fell. The policeman pressed my head against the ground and twisted my hands, handcuffing them. I struggled. However, he yelled at me. The policeman pushed me to a hall of the building and shut the door. I ran to it.
“HEY! NO! Don’t leave me here! Please, don’t leave me here!” I noticed the policeman resembles my mother. I was banging on the door, sobbing. “I’m scared! Don’t leave me alone, please! Mom! I want to go with you!”
No answer and I cried louder. “How about my birthday?! Do you care? MOM! MOM? How do I make you proud?! How do I make you care?! MOM! PLEASE!”
Out of the blue, a person appeared from the shadow.
She was chubby. The person’s head covered a medium raven hair with an ahoge on top. Bangs hid the left side of her face, so only right upturned as cold as ice blue eye was visible.
“M-mom...?” M-mom, what happened? W-why did you start a-acting like this?”
“It’s your fault,” she said. “The abandonment is your fault.”
She turned around and paced away through a very long hallway. “MOM! PLEASE!”
I reached my hand to her. “DON’T LEAVE ME! TELL ME WHAT’S WRONG!”
I averted my eyes, seeing a body lying in a puddle of blood. It also reached its hand to me again.
The blood in Mei’s blue-green eyes. It soaked her cheek and hit the ground.
“It’s your fault.” she said, “My death is your fault.”
Mei frowned. “If you didn’t freeze and did something sooner, you could’ve saved me.”
“N-NO!” I yelled, and Mei continued. “Do you remember all the memories we had together? Now it’s all gone... because of you.”
“NO!” I ran to her. The murderer stopped me while I tried to pull Mei away. The slaughterer repeatedly stabbed me, just like Mei.
I screamed in pain, running away, hysterically crying. I bumped into something and raised my head. Pablo looked angry. I wanted to hug him and tried, but he pushed me away. “Kurumi. How could you lie to us? You’re a monster. I don’t need a friend like you.”
“N-NO! PLEASE! I CAN EXPLAIN!”
“I don’t need an explanation. You deserve to be abandoned. Nobody would love a person like you.” he crossed his arms on his chest, glaring at me.
“N-NO! P-PLEASE!” My heart broke. I experienced intense sadness and knew I’m not capable of bearing it this time. Pablo disappeared in the fog.
“N-NO! I DON’T WANT TO LOSE ANYONE ANYMORE! I DON’T WISG ANYONE TO DIE, NO! PLEASE! I JUST WANT SOMEONE TO LOVE ME!”
“N-not these voices anymore... P-please..” I sobbed hysterically. Suddenly the ground shook. I fell on the ground once more. Mentally sick people, laughing, covered me from all sides. The doctor was telling them they’re crazy. One person claimed they’re a glass of orange juice.
“KURUMI!” The ground started shaking like it’s an earthquake and
Everything was breaking into pieces. The surface under me caved in, and I fell in a dark void.