Chapter 47 - Pablo's possible death
I woke up in the nurse's room with a terrible headache and probably a high temperature. Feeling so sick, I ought to vomit. What has happened to me...? And I can't get up, yet... Or am I not in the nurse's room?
No, this is... Hospital? I don't know. What's going on? Where is Pablo? Am I dead?
It was a while until I opened my eyes and could finally see a white ceiling. Yeah, probably a hospital.
In the between, I was falling asleep and having strange blurry dreams with people chasing me. Or something running away from me in fear. The doctors sometimes gave me an injection, and I gained consciousness fully after a few hours, minutes, days, months? It was impossible to tell.
One day I've had a visitor. Pablo stepped into the room and stopped by my room. "Oh... Thank god you're awake!"
I moved my head to him slowly, seeing that he is very pale. "W-what h-happened to me?" My voice sounded strange and shaky.
"Well... Not sure, maybe overdose... I'm so happy you're awake..." he paced in closer, kneeling in front of me so that he could see my face more properly. "You scared me to death there! You just... fell and...were shaking... What were you doing there?! You do not take drugs of any sort, right?"
"I... can't take it anymore, i-it's unbearable."
"What is? You acted very rudely; I knew it's strange..."
"You'd hate me."
"If you knew you'd..."
"That's nonsense. What is really going on? Hey, I'm worried..."
"It's about survival... please... I... The pills help..."
"Wait, no, you need to relax. I'm sorry, once you get better, what if we meet somewhere and you'll tell me everything? Please, don't do anything stupid."
"Okay," I replied, exhausted. Pablo caressed my hair. "I hope you'll be okay soon."
I got better in a couple of days, eaten by fear. I'll have to tell Pablo now. How will he react to the nightmares, voices, pills, and whatsoever? So many things he doesn't know... And he'll hear it very soon. It's going to be a long way... And maybe the end of my suffering will come in some way.
I really was diagnosed with mild overdose or something similar; I'm not sure. Now I know to take fewer pills or possibly not take them at all. Nevertheless, how can my condition improve then?
Pablo sent me a text message later on Friday. It tuned out I was in such a drowsy state for about three days. "Let's find some different places than in front of our school. Let's go to the train station and the park near my house. Take different clothes and meet me there as soonest as possible. Please. Meet me at 16:00."
Scared what the expect, I replied: "Okay." and searched for more of my clothes to get ready. I wore a black off-shoulder sweater and dark blue skirt, white warm knee socks, and low heeled black boots with silver buckles. On top, I wore a white satchel containing my keys, phone, and wallet.
I used the train to get to my destination. Pablo was already there. "So... We're here. Just you and me. You can tell me anything."
"Oh, I am... I apologize for being so rude; you didn't deserve it, and I... I'm just sorry. I'll try to make it up to you, I promise."
"It's fine; something seems off, though," he replied as we walked. "Your sudden loss of consciousness..."
I sighed deeply. "I was and am so scared to tell you; I didn't know... w-what to do anymore. Well... Um... I wanted to tell you something the whole time. And I-I'm sorry for the way I behaved. I was... Just... Please listen..." My voice shaking, reminding me of the earthquake, the whole time I attempted to speak.
"You already apologized; it's fine."
"It feels... like... I can't feel happy anymore. It's hard, and I took pills... not knowing what kind."
"You... WHAT?!" Pablo opened his eyes wide. "You can't just take random pills! That's why.... oh no. Why couldn't you tell me before?! You didn't have to end up in the hospital!"
"I-I... was... afraid." tears arrived in my eyes, traveling down my cheeks. "I-I'm sorry. I desire to tell you... B-but thought if I will... you'll... hh-hate me."
"Hate you?! I can't hate you! How can you think so low of me! What's with you constantly thinking that?"
I sobbed loudly. "I'm SORRY!"
Pablo noticed I'm upset, although he seemed to feel the same. The look in his eyes went from angry to soft, and he reached to me, pulling me into a hug. "Hey, don't cry. I would never hate you. No matter what it is, you want to tell me. What makes you even think that?"
"Because..." around us fell snowflakes, and some landed on me, causing me to shiver. The sky frowned, and the wind ruffled our hair. Nonetheless, something in the air is terribly wrong.
Focusing too much on the conversation, I didn't notice the pit in front of us. Pablo was looking at me, not seeing it too. It wasn't evident, only when I slipped on the slimy surface and the snow with dirt started falling.
"AAAAAAA!" I yelled in surprise, and Pablo quickly reached his hand, catching mine. I would have fallen there completely if he missed.
I tried to pull her up. She was heavier than I thought, and I carried her whole weight by just my hand.
"PABLO!" she screamed in fear.
"HOLD ON TIGHT!" dragging her up was hard. My hand hurts badly; I'm not sure how long I can keep this up.
"NGHH!" With happiness, I saw she is going up. Just hold on a little bit longer! But... Something in my arm is cracking. My shoulders hurt. Her hand is slippery from the sweat, and so is mine. No, I can't lose her.
I buried my fingers in the dirt, preventing myself from falling. I ignored the fact my fingers are freezing in the snow and nails breaking in the dirt. Badly wanting to use my second hand, I couldn't let go of the dirt, or I'd fall.
Biting myself in the lip, I forced myself to believe it will be alright. Not much longer... If Kurumi falls, she could die or break her spine! And there are no people around. Why couldn't I choose to be in a more public place?!
Sweat covered my forehead and back. Kurumi's terrified expression forced me to continue. She was panting and trembling.
Finally, I pulled her up and screamed. Kurumi fell on me, her chest pressing mine. Our hearts were beating really fast. I tried to get up while she hugged me and sobbed again. "I'm s-sorry."
"It's okay." I panted.
Kurumi shakily moved, careful not to fall in the pit again. "T-thanks..."
I got up and offered her a hand; she accepted it and raised. However, while getting up, she lost balance, bumping into me. I made a step backward, noticing under me is ice. With a shock, I felt there is nothing behind me.
"PABLO!" Kurumi's eyes widened; she reached to grab my wrist, but at the last moment missed. The last thing saw was her terrified face, and the sky, before... I crashed, and everything became black.
My heart stopped as I missed his hand. All I could do was watch him fall, remembering I could have saved him like Mei. And failed again.
"PABLO!" I yelled, like if yelling his name fixed what happened right now. Pablo's skin looked pale; his head turned to the left side and his arm in a wrong angle. His body didn't move, and it seemed he's dead.
Snowflakes became thicker, landing on Pablo's clothes. I figured I'm able to slide down if I do it carefully.
Slowly putting my legs over the edge, I observed the height under myself. I need to slide from a steep slope. I held onto a branch sticking from it and slid.
My knees ended up bruised, and my butt hurt. I panted, crawling to him, my heart bleeding and tearing into pieces.
He hasn't moved. "P-Pablo, please wake up." I gently tapped him on the cheek. No result, no answer.
I checked his pulse on the neck, feeling nothing, and despair flew over me. "NO! NO!"
Panicking, my hands lifted Pablo's head a little, and I watched his face, covered by the bangs.
My tears dropped on his cheeks. Nobody heard me; we were too far from other people. "NO! NO!"
Holding his head, I placed my lips on his; however, neither did it help. I have already lost one person close to me... Why did I have to... Lose another one...
Everyone who became close to me died... WHY HAVEN'T I CONSIDERED THAT?! I COULD'VE AVOIDED IT! IT'S ALL MY FAULT!
The sorrow surrounding my heart was unbearable. I screamed from the sadness, remembering Mei lying in the puddle of blood. When I held dying grandpa in my arms...
Help... Help... He needs help...
The voices in my head began cheering, which made me cry even more. I couldn't stop sobbing hysterically and yelling my lungs out. Somebody will hear me for sure. And at the moment, I can't be bothered. It doesn't matter.
I shakily grabbed my phone from the satchel. It fell from my hand, burying itself in the snow. Gulping my tears, I cleaned it from the snow and shakily called the emergency. It took me a while; my hands refused to stop shaking.
"M-My b-boyf-friend... F-Fell in a pit... Not m-moving... Naitorando Park..."
The rest of the time, I was completely out of my mind, shaking, crying, sobbing, and screaming. When they asked me for information and placed Pablo on a stretcher, I couldn't answer. I think I said it's been my fault. They forced some pills into me, and I keeled over in the car. Pablo's dead, and it's my fault. How will his parents react? They will cut me off like Mei's birth givers.