Legend of the Breeze (vol2) - Killer's victim

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Chapter 49 - Please, wake up

[Kurumi's POV]:

"I made notes and paid attention to you. Even at math class. Because I know you like math." I held my exercise book for maths so that Pablo could see it. "I wanted to show them to you."

Pablo didn't react. He just continued lying on the hospital bed in the same position as before with his eyes closed. The only sign that he is alive was his chest going up and down, and his mouth gently moving how he breathed.

"At least you can't feel the pain." I tried keeping up the conversation. "I hope you'll wake up. I should make myself more friends. I wonder if they'll be a great friend like you... Actually, I don't desire different friends. You're the best friend... boyfriend I have right now. I hope you'll stay... Please don't die. Not that your condition would be that bad... I just... Don't want it to get worse. Today we did the lesson in math that you were so excited for the whole year. You talked about it when you taught me math."

I put my head down. "So yeah. Everyone's worried. Please wake up."

Three days passed. Nothing changed. Pablo's condition continued being the same.

I haven't experienced happiness for two weeks or... More? I'm unsure of myself. How I met Pablo... he told me about Legend of the Breeze, offered me that he's gonna teach me math, made me a birthday party, invited me for Christmas and the New Year's, let me cry on his shoulder, told me how he saved the dog, the first time I visited his place, how I tried to befriend him, how he kissed me on the cheek. It all feels so long to me. I want to be as cheerful as I was when I first met him. Did he really kiss me on the cheek...?

I closed my eyes, hating myself again. Always crying, beating stress on someone, self-pitying myself, keeping quiet, believing therapists and doctors are evil, not catching Pablo's hand, falling in love with him, being secretive about my past, unable to deal with Mei's death, what my ex-boyfriend Keichii did, mother ignoring and neglecting me, grandfather dying because of me, how the accident happened, and a policeman handcuffed my hands...

If I have done something sooner... If I noticed the pit... This wouldn't happen. I didn't want anyone to suffer. Not anymore. People suffered already enough because of me. What has been in the past has been in the past. I can't change how I cried every day. Neither can I change what happened to Pablo and Mei. I hate seeing someone suffer again. I dislike seeing it all repeating. And I can't die. Because when I'll do, Pablo may wake up. He's gonna be unhappy because another of his loved ones died. I shouldn't have got myself attached to anyone in the first place. Maybe I wasn't destined to be loved. When I try to be loved, it always ends badly. I just couldn't stop crying excessively. I didn't do it for attention. I did it because I was unhappy and couldn't hold it in. I have no control.

I don't know why God has given me this fate.

Out of the blue, a memory hit me. "It all feels like a dream, but isn't. Life is fascinating and so, so scary. Fate doesn't exist. It's you who creates your own future. Life depends on actions."

I said this. It's you who creates your own future... I'm the one... God hasn't given me this fate. I built it up by myself. I suppose if I wasn't mean towards Pablo... We may find a way to continue... If he doesn't react badly. I'm scared. But I have to do this. It may change everything—this important decision. I can do it. I will do it.

I took a deep breath. "I'm a step closer to a better future. Please, make him react in a good way. Please, don't let him abandon me."

...

I showed at the Nakajima's family house, standing in front of the gates, overthinking if I can come in. Taking a deep breath, I entered the property and rang the doorbell.

Mizuki opened the door. "Hi, Ku," she said unhappily, and I immediately regretted I appeared here.

"I'm sorry if I'm not at the right hour. I know I probably am not welcome after what happened, anyway. I just... Thought about coming over to your house. Perhaps I could take Marshmallow for a walk."

Mizuki shot me an expression of disbelief. "We can do that ourselves." she resembled a person that has uninvited people advertising ads by giving the flyers in front of their house. She was about to slam the door.

"I know that the accident is my fault, and you're angry at me. Because I was the one who the accident didn't happen to. The one who wasn't sent to the hospital and someone who you love was. I know you deeply inside think it's unfair. I just... I'm sorry. I shouldn't have been mean to your brother in the first place. He at least has a family who loves him, you. I don't. It would have been better if I fell. I'm sorry for ruining your family and making it suffer. I really am. And no apology can fix what I have done."

Water gushed from my eyes and drenched my cheeks anyway. Mizuki, in front of me, became blurry. She almost closed the door, nevertheless opened it fully now. "Ku... I'm sorry. I just... There's no excuse...." she gulped, "It is not your fault. You can take him."

I smiled while tears rolled my cheek. "Also, give me his exercise books."

Mizuki nodded. "Thanks, Miz."

I glimpsed Marshmallow lying on the lawn with head on his paws. The dog raised his head, eyes full of hope, but noticed it's just me and placed his head back on the grass.

"Marshy... Your owner is in hospital. We're all hoping he's gonna be okay. I believe... He will. Please, believe me."

I reached and hugged the small fluffy dog, burying my face in his fluffy fur. "It'll be fine."

...

I showed on a bridge and observed the lake under me at the park. "I miss you. When will you come back?"

The water surface answered my question with silence. I'm like a goddess of misery. I walked again, staring at the ground under me. Marshmallow followed me on the leash. Neither did the walk make me feel better. The dog sensed I'm sad, causing him to be even more depressed.

...

I returned to Nakajima's house from the long walk. In the building, I took Pablo's exercise books with myself and wrote him notes. I checked the hospital's opening hours, choosing to visit him.

I sat beside his bed, lightly smiling. "I wrote notes for you again, knowing you can't respond, although I wanted you to know I'm here with you. Hopefully, you'll wake up soon. I.... really... l-lo-" A nurse stepped in the room, and I shut my mouth immediately, with my face turning red as a tomato. "N-nothing."

I trust that Pablo can hear me, even though he is unconscious. Or in a coma? What's the difference? It doesn't matter. "Please... Just wake up already! I miss you! It's horrible! I'm going through the s-same thing again! I bring pain and misery. This is my fault. You should stay away from me. I'm not a good person. You deserve a better person than me."

I got up and looked at Pablo lying on the hospital bed once more. Nothing changed; he only kept lying with eyes closed and just breathing with his mouth.

"W-What did I expect to happen?!"

He can't magically wake up and hug me, hold me in his arms. He can't! Get over it, girl.

I left the building and froze in the middle of pacing home, staring somewhere in the space and laughing disturbingly while sobbing. A few people shot me startled stares, and I started running away while crying and laughing.

...

In the following days, nothing was better. Mizuki appeared distant, Mai refused to talk with me, and my condition seemed to get worse.

I attended school only for the notes, explaining some lessons on the paper, as I was aware of Pablo not being good at them.

In my free time, I sometimes brought Marshmallow on walks, trying to escape reality. Hopelessness surrounded my heart; my grades worsened, I was failing tests...

And when I arrived from the walk, I overheard a conversation:

"Doctors said his condition is stabilized right now," Aaron mentioned unhappily. "However, it may get worse suddenly. There is a possibility. He's had a head injury, resulting in a coma. It can last for a month, two months... after a few months, there's a possibility the person may not wake up... The state can last for even two years to five. And even... if he wakes up, he's going to have to learn everything from the beginning... Walking, talking, e-everything..."

Nanami was crying. "A-Aaron, why? Why our s-son? First, he attempted s-suicide... If Miz-"

"I know, Nan. It's hard. We just have to h-hope our son's gonna be alright..."

"P-Pabs... Why does it always have t-to be him, A-Aaron?"

"I don't know... We've been bad parents. We ignored him the whole time. He wanted to tell us something significant. And n-now..."

Nanami hugged Aaron and buried face in his chest, crying. He wrapped his arms around her, sobbing too.

Hearing this hurt me badly; it reminded me of crying in Pablo's arms. I viewed his parents through the open window. I kneeled on the ground, leaning on the wall under the windows, so they don't see me.

He's in a coma... Head injury... Because of me. It feels terrible. I made someone suffer again. He can be in a coma for five years... I'll be twenty-two. Or after two years? I'll graduate from school, and he... will be learning everything from the beginning... like a toddler. Month... two... few... year... two years... month...

Voices repeated.

What have I done?! WHAT HAVE I DONE?! NO! NO! NO! WAS THIS CONVERSATION EVEN REAL?! I never wanted this!

I dropped Marshmallow's leash, unable to create any sound or even move. I hugged my knees.

I was aware this is going to happen. Deeply inside, I knew, why, though?! WHY?! If I died right now... would anyone even care...? Only Pablo...? Mizuki has her own friends, and I never really talked about my family. They don't even know if I have one. I wish I had. I don't know where are my dad and mom... Dad disappeared a long time ago. The social support sent my mom to the hospital.

I don't know how long I sat there, staring into space with my head tilted. Only when the door creaked and opened, I realized where I am. Aaron walked outside and didn't even notice me.

...

On Friday, I couldn't take it anymore, not coming to school for notes. Nothing raised my mood; I just sat on my bed, wrapped in a blanket, and stared at the ground. I grabbed my phone and stared at the screen, browsing social media. I read my and Pablo's conversation, missing him very much.

...

I entered the hospital, walking through the galls, trying to find him. I finally founded the room after a while of seeking and entered.

"Hi. How are you?" I appeared beside his bed. "I know you can hear me. It's been hard lately. I feel like nobody really cares about me. Only you do. Without you, everyone is so distant. I wish you would be back already. Everyone is worried. Please, come back."

No answer. Nothing. It was like talking to a sleeping person.

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