Chapter 32 - Possession
Lost in my thoughts, I sat at my desk next to the window. Today I wore a smile on my face. Hmm, I feel great today, also I think I should return the favor somehow. What should I do? I don't even know when Pablo's birthday is.
I glanced over at Pablo's desk, seeing he is still not in the class. The school bell rang, and Pablo was nowhere to be found. The teacher walked into the room, saying he has is excused.
I wrote a literature test and notes about the lessons afterward. I wonder where Pablo is. It is the first time he has been missing. I think it's maybe because he refused to wear the jacket yesterday. This would make sense. Hmm, and what will I do without him? I miss him already. I'll have to entertain myself with my imagination, I guess... Or did he not go because of me? He got too tired, or I have done something wrong? Maybe he doesn't like me anymore. I feel the same way I felt during my first year of senior high school. And before Mei, I didn't deserve her anyway. I didn't because I bullied her.
[Kurumi's POV/Flashback/THE PAST]:
I slapped and pushed Mei, who now leaned on her arms, sitting and stared at me in fear. "YOU'RE RUINING MY LIFE! IT WOULD BE BETTER IF YOU NEVER ATTENDED THIS SCHOOL!"
Mei couldn't help it; tears from pain and fear soaked her cheeks. She sobbed, getting up, and tried to get away from my range. Getting up, she pushed me away, running away and making the restroom door wide open.
I strolled to the door, entering the class, and waited for Mei. She appeared in the room only a few seconds before the start. When the lesson finished, Mei got up quickly and ran away as fast as possible.
A few children turned to me, knowing this is probably my doing.
"What did you do to her, Sakura?"
"I've seen Sakura beat up Mei; she almost fell down the stairs."
"Who beat her up and who fell down the stairs?
"Sakura beat Mei up, and once she almost fell down the stairs."
"Hey, leave her alone."
I ignored the children as I waited for Mei, writing, "Disappear from this school, no one wants you here, freak." on her desk. She stepped into the classroom right when I finished. She shivered in fear as I walked closer.
"Hey! Leave Mei alone!"
"What did she even do to you?"
"Stop it! Or I will tell the teacher."
I moved my head, turning to the children. "Who said that?"
"Me." Someone said bravely. I pulled him by the collar of his shirt. "Don't you dare mess with me?"
I dropped him, slapping him hard. The boy gasped in surprise, placing a hand on his cheek.
The children stopped trying to defend Mei being in silence. A girl with black hair stepped in front of the boy, protecting him.
"If you tell the teacher..." I threatened.
"Stop that, Sakura! It's terrifying!"
"I don't care about how you feel," I said coldly, pushing the girl with black hair. She almost fell on the floor. "And anyone will end up like this if they say a word against me, got it?!"
I entered our apartment. As the door closed behind me, I experienced a strange feeling, like if I just woke up. In front of me showed Shinshu with a smirk on her face. "I helped you."
"I showed others to not mess with you."
I only nodded, stepping into my room and falling into bed. "I want to sleep; I am exhausted. And thanks. However, I can't remember anything."
"It's okay. You're only tired. Go to sleep." Shinshu threw the blanket over me. "You have me. And with me, no one will bully or disrespect you anymore. The girl doesn't deserve her happiness. Mei will feel the same miserable as you do."
"Goodnight," I mumbled and closed my eyes.
The same thing happened the next day. I woke up, getting out of my bed, and before I could remember what happened yesterday, Shinshu possessed me again. Once this happened, I became violent and rude toward everyone. No one liked me; children ran or avoided me in fear. Everyone avoided Mei, too; she was unable to have friends.
The worst part occurring started me slowly realizing what Shinshu's intentions are. This happened when I lay in bed and woke up. She walked up to me. I raised quickly. "You must stop that! None of this is okay! I didn't want this, okay? I only wanted Mei to know how is it like being miserable, but you crossed the line!"
"Why? You wanted me to help. I'm helping." Shinshu crossed arms on her chest. "This is what you wanted. Best friends help each other."
"This is too much!" I cried. Shinshu suddenly made a step forward, pulling me up by the collar of my shirt. She did it with ease as if I wasn't heavy at all.
Shinshu shot me a death glare.
"You're violent yourself."
"Yes, you are. People don't see me, Sakura, they see you. And only you. And you will be thankful."
"I wish you wouldn't be there..."
"I am always there, and I always was, Sakura Kurumi. I was waiting for you to summon me. I can be super quiet. And now you want me to quit? You will be lonely. Nobody even likes you. And they won't like you. They will never like you." she hissed in my face. "It's your fault."
I opened my mouth to say something.
"If you'll refuse, I will punch you."
I immediately shut my mouth.
"That's how I like it," Shinshu smirked and dropped me. "Besides, violence is okay. Don't you know? Didn't your mother tell you?"
"No." I trembled.
"She didn't even support you?"
"She did." I gulped. "But other people say it's wrong. According to mom and you, it's okay. I'm confused."
"Violence is okay," Shinshu responded. "Always remember that."
Nodding, I whispered the sentence. "Violence is okay."
The following day Shinshu did her job again, without my approval. Then all of a sudden, at a class, she left my body.
I fell on my knees in exhaustion. Children stood in front of me as I trembled, panting. My forehead became sweaty, although this couldn't be seen because of my bangs.
I got up and almost fell again, then ran out of the class. Children stared at me in surprise. Mei watched me run away anxiously.
I walked out of the school when the lessons ended. I desired to be as further as possible from Sakura. I soon found myself pacing in the park, eating a recently purchased chocolate.
"I WANT YOU TO STOP!" I overheard a familiar yell and twitched sharply. To my unpleasant surprise, the person appeared to be Sakura. Who is she talking to? There's nobody.
YOU DID ENOUGH! STOP! STOP! ENOUGH! JUST STOP! GET OUT OF MY HEAD!"
Sometimes, my mom tells me about the patients she has. She had one patient; I forgot his name. He heard voices inside his head; they messed every day with his functioning. They made him do terrible things. He got diagnosed with a strange illness. The man struggled with everything; he didn't eat; he didn't wash himself.
I peered at Sakura. She wore ripped clothes, owned an old phone, suddenly turned violent, and now she is talking to nobody.
Could she possibly have the same condition as my mom's patient? Does she hear voices? And they make her do bad things?
I wasn't sure what to do. However, if this girl did hear voices, maybe she couldn't control what is she doing. I hesitated if I should go to her, but decided to walk off.
I kneeled on the ground, shedding tears. I held my head, sobbing.
"I-I d-don't want you to possess me again! I don't want to bully anyone anymore! I want to have friends!"
"You certainly didn't say that before." Shinshu gifted me with a cold expression and slapped me. I continued crying. "Y-You're just imaginary! It can't hurt!"
"It does," Shinshu answered. "Don't make a deal with the devil. It's your fault. Your mom acting's behavior is also your fault."
"How come? What d-did I do?!"
"Find an answer on your own." Shinshu straightened and disappeared.
Other people walking around glanced at me, questioning why am I talking with myself. Nevertheless, people were too busy to ask what is wrong.
I felt small and lonely in this big world. The situation at home wasn't any better or improving. Mom refused to pay attention to me unless I did something terrible. Stealing stuff, getting bad grades, being told violence is okay.
Mom even showed me something I wasn't supposed to see. Later, at bedtime, I cried, unable to sleep. The terrible scenes ran through my mind every time I closed my eyes.
Why did mommy show me that? The red liquid - blood, the weird parts, slimy parts resembling slimy meat all over, looking disgusting, it's called organs. I refused to think about it, crying until I fell asleep, with my head buried in a pillow.