Sleep was hurting me. Holding me down like the devil was on my back. My Dan. He would never do anything like this, there has to be others involved. Little Charlie… My little boy. Such a frail little object. I ran to the bathroom and threw up into the toilet, holding the edge unsteady and sick with fear. Guilt ran through my veins, my mind saying “it’s your fault. You didn’t keep an eye on him”. I washed my face with cold water and looked in the mirror. Look at me, what a state! This was what stress really looked like. I looked at the clock: 4am on the dot. I sigh and walk back to bed, as I called my work leaving a voicemail.
“Hiya, I won’t be in for the next few weeks… you guys are right. I need to stay home and rest and help the police find my baby.”
I can almost hear him laughing at me, mocking me, killing me. I lay down, tipping three sleeping pills in my mouth at once and guzzling them with water before getting comfy. Why I bothered I don’t know, I would only awake.
“Christ almighty will you save me now” I pray to the ceiling as I close my weary eyes. “Give me strength”….