"A dose of what could have been." (2)
When my tears drop onto the pages of my journal, everything I wrote disappears. The ink got sucked in, just like when Harry got Tom Riddle’s diary! Out of fright, I lost my grip on my journal and breathed heavily; I even gulped. I turn on my stereo and play an Evanescence album. I cranked the volume up so I could scream at the top of my lungs: “WHAT ON EARTH IS HAPPENING TO ME?!!?” I burst into tears.
I was surprised when I heard a knock on my door and saw Dion pop his head in my doorway through the loud volume. “Mari? Are you okay?”
Célina opens my door fiercely, “Do you really think we won’t hear you from downstairs? Aren’t you embarrassed because everyone heard you?” she sighs and then hands the home phone. “Nicole is on hold. She says it’s important.”
I sniff and get the phone from her, and she heads downstairs again. Dion gives me a thumb up as if everything will be okay, and he closes my door.
I lower the volume and blow my nose. “Hello?” I say, controlling my voice.
“Hey Mariana, you were not answering your cell phone. So, I called your home number. I hope that’s okay. Anyway, don’t forget we have a final rehearsal tomorrow before the competition,” says Nicole on the other line.
“Okay,” I say.
Nicole sighs. “Girl, you said you want to rehearse in secret, so nobody actually knows what you’re gonna perform tomorrow.” Then I hear her giggling. “Besides, it’s time to take a stand against our upperclassmen!”
I roll my eyes. Good job, 15-year-old Mari, for keeping it a secret! Now you’ll learn everything in just one night. I say, “yeah. Yeah, lol, I’ll see you tomorrow.”
“One more thing, it’ll be at the Theatre Hall at eight, sharp,” she says and then bids goodbye and hangs up.
I put the phone down and stare at nothing. Another problem — Goddammit! I cannot ignore my journal on the floor. I must have hallucinated earlier because it now has writings again. So I picked it up and looked at my latest entry. Shocked, I dropped the journal once more.
“Mariana, I’m so sorry if you feel this way! I thought you’d like to go back and unwind, that’s all. I think this week was the best week you ever had. Please forgive me. I’ll return you to the real-time, I promise!”
“What the heck?” I whisper. Is my journal possessed? Or is it a Horcrux? My Horcrux?! The writings disappear again, and this time the actual entries appear, the ones I wrote years ago, and the pages turn as if a blower blew them.
“I’m pretty sure this will help you. Again, Mariana, I’m really, really, sorry.”
16th of November 2010
Ros and I think Ryan likes me! I know, it’s pretty hard to believe but, I guess (well, I hope) it’s true. Why? When Chandler and I were going to our assigned board, Ryan walked towards us and talked to me. Of course, I freaking blushed and hid my giggles and stuff. Anyway, Ryan told us that they were on “board” duty too, and Nate was his partner. Nate was not saying much to us, but I couldn’t take my smile off my face because of the thought of him walking together with us (LOL). It was heaven to me. And when Chandler and I finished the board, Ryan and Nate were also done with theirs. The four of us headed back to our homerooms together. The one who talked all the time, though, was Ryan. I couldn’t remember much of what he was saying, but I know we were all laughing. Of course, Ros and April saw it. When Chandler and I got into our homeroom, they kept teasing me about when I was so red and abashed. The hell! Of course, I (probably) was. What was I supposed to say?!? HAHAHA!
AND then! When school ended, Ros, April and I headed to the driveway where my ride awaited, but Ryan called out my name and asked if he could talk to me for a minute. But before I could answer, Ros and April replied for me and hopped on the school bus, leaving me with him. So, Ryan told me good luck with the contest tomorrow, and now I am so nervous about the performance.
I’m still juggling between “Candyman” and “Ain’t No Other Man” by Christina Aguilera. I like them both, but I enjoy singing Candyman more, even though it’s pretty much inappropriate for my age. Ugh! I don’t know. Gosh, I’ll text Nicole for the finalization and hope well for tomorrow! Wish me luck!
17th of November 2010
Oh my, gosh! I am freaking nervous right now! It’s not my first ever performance, but dang, I am shaking! My classmates say it’s not about winning, and they said they will still love me even if I lose. But seriously, deep inside, I want to win. If not, that would be a disgrace for me, cause duh? Mariana, this is your forte! You’ve been singing since you were three years old! Ugh, even if I boost myself up, I really can’t! Oh, god, we’re next.
“Holy shite,” I whisper to myself. “I missed those parts,” I sigh, remembering I overslept and freaked out, but I stopped reading. I close my journal shut. Now it occurs to me; I am here now. It’s my chance to rewrite the wrongs and replace them with what should have been. I guess I don’t want to spoil everything and know all of it. Half of me wants to cheat by reading everything and playing it out the same way I had done. But also, the other half of me wants to play this by relying on my memory. IF I rely on my journal, then there won’t be a story, will there?