"Only words bleed." (1)
A/N: Selected diary entries from Mariana’s travel journal.
17th of June 2013 (Monday)
When my phone rang, I saw Thalia’s number calling and heard her voice. Her news made my stomach drop. I was with Ros and April having a chat in the café, where Nate and I “dated” three years ago. Her cute voice was squeaky on the other line when she said Nate would be arriving late because something had happened on his way. I immediately called Nate after Thalia ended the call and asked what happened. He confessed that he was still in shock because a truck tipped over at the edge of the road. He saw it before he went to a gas station and was grateful he had to make a stop to buy food and drinks.
Ros looked at me as if it was nothing because he was safe, but April was very concerned. My heart was thumping as I waited for his return.
I hugged the shite out of Nate when he came over to my house to tell me he is alright. We stayed for a while at the gazebo. My first love. My first kiss. Just with me, in the silence with the inky, glittery starlit sky. I am so relieved. I don’t know what would happen to me if, you know… I’m just glad he’s okay.
30th of June 2013 (Sunday)
I haven’t spoken much with anyone from my upperclassmen friends because all they thought about were parties and college applications. So, it was the first time in months I saw Nate’s friends. They invited me, my siblings and April to a pool party at Lacey’s, but Célina didn’t come. Despite our nasty break-up, Ryan wrapped his arms around me when he saw me approaching. And there, he told me how much he missed me, how wrong he was, and how not talking to me and seeing me was killing him. Ryan must have realized that life is too short to be stupid, perhaps, also had an epiphany and hold on to everyone dear to you. He told me he still loves me.
I am so glad he still does because I do too. But, I told him that I have to know for sure about my feelings for him and for myself. Thankfully, he understands and is willing to wait.
I had a hunch Lacey and Nate would take advantage of their time this summer just to be together; stretch the days and nights longer than before. Lacey pulled me aside and shared that Nate asked her to go on a trip with him to Europe this summer, and she said she couldn’t wait. I am so happy for those two!
4th of February 2015 (Wednesday)
Beth was flipping when she found out my ex only used me to make someone else jealous from one of our friends in school, and Ros, oh Ros, you bloody Mexican girl! She told her peers about it! Now, whenever she or one of her friends sees that IDIOT, they make him squirm. HAHAHA! I love it. I wish April were here to witness it! So I figured out, I now have an inspiration for a short story about it. Lol, speaking of writing, I HAVE TO UPDATE The Grand Stellar. My grandma and Nana are dying to read it. HAHA!
16th of September 2016 (Friday)
My friends and I drank a pint or two in a pub in London after we all finished our shifts to celebrate my 21st birthday. Man, I still don’t like the taste of liquor no matter how hard I try. They drank beer, and I drank juice, win-win! Our supervisor was so kind as to let me go early to prepare since it’s my birthday. I just went to the corner to write this, and then Nana texted what time I would be coming home so that we could have a proper dinner. I will pull Beth now so we could say goodbyes to our friends. My friends from high school and college wished me a happy birthday via texts and calls. Some of them even posted embarrassing photos of me on their Facebook walls, while April video called me with my siblings and my parents in the group, and Ros tagged me in a throwback photo. It was fun.
23rd-25th of September 2016
Ryan took me to Austria! I was so shocked when he called me a few days ago to tell me he’s flying to London. Ryan showed me a photograph of Salzburg. The edges were worn out, and the colour was a little faded. He then told me that it was the gift I gave him on his 14th birthday. My heart was pounding so hard because it’s been such a long time since we’ve seen each other! And now, he’s here with me for the bloody weekend! I wonder what’s in store for us!?
So, he and I went to the original shooting locations of my favourite musical: The Sound of Music, and I felt so much joy! We went to where Maria and the children sang and danced to Do-Re-Mi, the convent, the house where they lived! The church where Maria and the Baron got married, oh it was so lovely! And I couldn’t help myself but sing every chance I got. And oh, the gazebo! Unfortunately, it was closed because people are dancing Sixteen Going on Seventeen there, and they’re afraid that the bench would give out. But for me, I would definitely sing Something Good.
Just as the time Ryan and I were at the top deck of Ian’s yacht, he sang Edelweiss when he gave me that flower in front of the closed gazebo. I couldn’t help myself. I wrapped my arms around him and pulled him in. The familiarity is overwhelming; I had to take action. I kissed him on his lips. He was so romantic, I couldn’t resist it, and I would never forget what he had done for me during my first months in high school. It must be a mistake, but it felt good to be in his arms again. He was so gentle and understanding. It was a night to remember, and I can still feel his touch on me, the way he held me to bed, the burning sensation of his lips and fingers tracing the lines of my body… Oh, boy, I’m in deep trouble! I wish we had more time at this moment.