Life is full of death and disappointment when actually it is because we dislike to be responsible for our own destiny and actions. You see I can see it clearly when someone somehow hurts the other and then takes the mickey and says the fault is not mine. The Joker inside the person is such sure to be harmful taken daily deadly.
When the poison is pinpointed then it can be erased and the person healthy. But the poison can be many and does not only come into the system but the patient does not know how harmful the poison is.
I am in a room inside a house which is half papered and done to my own tastes the satisfaction is there is somehow no other room in there which says that the house is okay. My body grew old and odd and misshapen because I had to decorate the whole place and do it up by the standards of my own. The work men were mean and did not want to do so because I have exacting tastes and no money. So the house is what it is and I have to shrug and bear the house. That is what is when one is poor there is no other option open to one but to shrug and make the dull the best of things.
Not now the poison can wait. No it is there the poison the house is it the house which is poisoning you? No I am speaking about mother. Today is mother's death day and the darling passed away when the man who was there in her life did not want her to get into his car. He told her in no uncertain terms that he did not want her to be in his lovely Mercedes anymore and she her pride hurt said he was not the driver he did not ask me in. I had no idea what she was talking about as we had the domestic and why should she be so hurt when a driver or a neighbour did such a thing as to refuse her a car seat.
You see a mother is supposed to be virtue and all that she was a widow and one expected nothing but rats in her part of the building.
Well then she refused her medicine because the man in the car upset her and became a recluse. Well it is not a good start I start very much in the middle and there is not much left to speak about. Mother was an imposter who had gone through plastic surgery to look like the cousin whom dad hated. You see if mother had known he would kill her after robbing her she would not have done that sort of surgery, Look we all have surgeons in the family and there is the surgeon ready to perform the operation that can kill the unwanted and make the other wanted a person of consequences. The surgeon has now died as he had dined on many and when he died about the time two years before that mother died. He died in the petrifying 2018 2017. It was a time most worthy of mother as she said it was a time which made her most unhappy she cried all night why? I asked are you crying because he has died the man has died and I am undone.
Well I did not see it why should the surgeon dying make her feel so lost? He was a man who had no other quality but brains and money. He was a jerk. Indeed he worked so hard and became a surgeon only to use it in the guise of helping the mafia so he did more harm than good. Well he made a lot of people happy she said more than you have he made a lot of lives work out for the best. That was before dad ruined her and she could not even get into his car.
Honest crooks believe themselves they are worthy crooks and they will not be caught. But that is nothing to what they go through when they are caught out. Mother was caught out she had signed sealed and delivered all the documents which the Joker had come for and he had no more use for her. Mother a crook well she married so that she could steal and when she did not steal enough that is when she was sent packing to this house where she is still lingering in memories and such stuff. I am sorry I have to just sniffle because the thing is I am so like her in image that she is always there in the mirror but we could not be more not like,. I am the image of her because she had a resemblance when she a neighbour when she moved in her resemblance was to mum who was sent packing because she was so hated because she cried and screamed and got on everyone's nerves. When this agreeable woman came on the scene she was the apple the laughter the centre and the vim of the house.
She made everyone comfortable and did the chores or her mother did. They were the former owners of the cafe we had leased and they knew the business. We made 9000 in the three years we were with them. The profits added the husband satisfied and all was well.
The thing was the mother could not work because she injured her finger. She had cut her finger and it had turned sceptic when that happened she saw the folly of working as her gentrified daughter was useless but she had been taught enough to know the ropes. So there they were two of them trying to work with me upstairs drugged out because I would have seen I would have known. I was not allowed in the kitchen for three years and when I was there was the routine firmly established. Mother had just lost her leg and she was working as if she on fire. Well it is a joke sadly it is not funny.
"I was young." Said mother constantly," what one can do if one tries."
Then life happened to us all. Life with a capital A the Nermin who had done all the work died. Or was culled she could no longer bear arms she could no longer work. Her house was sealed off by the council and she could no longer open her door. She could no longer open her door she had a black mark on her door what does it mean when a mother cannot help her own child who lives next to her when they cannot communicate when they cannot speak when they can't cope with life when their debts are paid but they cannot eat?
I see it now what I had not seen before I see it now because time has elevated the things in my mind I can speak to them and even nod and say the debts which the family had are now repaid they owe nothing to us but to God and their time and moment is to trust the fates which bond them to earth no more the dead cannot seek justice but they can. They were but two wives whom their men let them down and they had to grovel an scheme and do what ladies do. Make the most of the world in order to dress up. Their lives now extinct their womanhood done for their many things their many thoughts are over.
It is one of the most stupid things a woman of some sense can do sign things when there is still the Joker ready to change his mind. One must err on caution when he is around because he is not a stable personality. In fact in the face of being ashamed of him as the Joker is my real father he can be so obstructive abusive and to the lame he can be deadly. Because there was a suspicion that mummy depression she had the mentality of being someone vulnerable. As today it is her death date and there is nothing but that on my mind I am mincing along with the story so that she can find out some peace and quiet in the howling underground where she is buried. Murdered and shamed by dad.
You see mother was lazy she hated to work. That is when she thought she would mate with dad the fool and have her cake and eat it. But the cake was poison. To all of us. Mother was poison in a position of becoming the enemy and the envy of the sisters who loved him my dad the Joker. Not the fool and the fooled but the Joker outsmarting everyone and being the centre of the living. But the dead are not inside this tale as they are now ghosts weeping.
Fidil is dad the fool and he was a fooled man he became a folly to all and everyone before he died he died and crept with fear as he feared dad would murder him. The Joker springs to action the moment he senses a new property idea. He cannot help himself indeed he does help himself. He has the seconds and the third and then he passes on to the next generation because he grows mighty bored. The repast is passed on to his heirs the true heirs to him. He dislikes fools as I say and there is no more fool than the people whom he outwits.
The Joker inside dad bubbles the moment he out wits someone anyone and he kicks them and kills them. It is a wonderful wit.
I am sorry is this a distressing beginning? The time has come to make the Joker the idiot the fool the incestuous male chauvinistic known and there is no other person than the victim who is calling beyond the grave as she wails and howls and there is this ghost which is today coming out.
The worn out body has decayed and the decays shows that her decadence that her cruelties now can come out and haunt them who took her life away from her and maimed and harmed and unarmed to life which she deserved. She was only four years older than me when she pretended to be a married woman with a husband whom she adored. That did not last as he was a man not up to scratch he did not satisfy her and she in the end was not to his liking.