Her traitorous disguise

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just a nightmare

The devil repeats the rules as I roll the dice,
He's says that I'll get all I want,
But each victory will come with a price


28 January 2011

Beads of sweat lingered onto my flushed face as the sunlight reflected onto the glassy mirror across my blackberry tinted bed; and than straight upon my eyelids, enforcing me to wake.

A groan escaped my throat as I tried to cover my eyes in an attempt to seek refuge with the fluffy pillow that was under my head just a couple moments ago.

After several minutes of fighting an internal war with Mother earth and losing against all odds, I gave up as I lifted my head from under the pillow.

Images of the last night flashed through my mind, my head felt strewn with broken memories, shattered fragments, begging to be pieced up back together in order to form something whole.

I remembered the dimly lit basement, the enormous boxes, the men in black, daddy, the girl, the screams and the cries, the blood and how it spilled everywhere like sprinkles of wine-

holy shit!


A sinking feeling twists inside me as I realise the events that took place the night before.

The images are fleeting, and it could be my imagination, not a memory.

I tried to pry my eyelids open long enough to get a dim sense of my surroundings. After Inhaling a numbered amount of breaths to calm myself, I decided to step out of my bed.

My very very very comfortable bed, may I add.

I shivered as the tips of my toes touched the cold milky marble floor, sending tingles throughout my body.

Walking into my walk-closet; I decided to go easy on my self since it was a sunday, deciding on a baggy plain shirt that was seven times my size and a pair of black adidas trousers, a black trainer bra and matching panties, I sprinted towards the bathroom.

Stepping into the shower, I let my clothes fall freely littering the bathrooms flooring and quickly undid my braid as I twisted the tap in hope to set a suitable temperature before I would be flooded with freezing distilled water, similar to having a swim in the Antarctic Ocean.

The water sprinkled onto my small form, drowning me whole. I desperately began to scrub myself, trying to get rid of the reek of blood that lingered onto my bare skin.

After a while, I exited the bathroom clean and fresh, the drowsy feeling no longer haunting me.

My bedroom was a mess, not that it was the most elegant one in the whole mansion to began with, but I mean literal mess; my belongings littered onto the snowy marble floor with grey stings here and there, similar to the bathrooms.

Grey tinted walls and pearl white curtains in contrast.

Every other piece of furniture present; the sofa across the bed; a TV placed a couple of meters above that, the coffee table, the selves holding expensive decorations and the decorations too themselves cream and shades of grey and black.

The makeup table as well as the two mirrors; one next to the sofa and one delicately above the make up table, the candles and the glow lights, were all coloured creamy.

Except for my bed which was an indescribably exclusive cream tinted princess bed with tied up curtains on each side and a similar shade mattress and bedsheet, however, the duvet was blueberry tinted and so were the fluffy pillows that were littered all over the top half of the bed.

The decorations were my parents idea and since I wanted the to customise my room my way, I had to compromise a little bit.

Staring at the room, I rotted to my spot for a second, could someone as small as me really create such a chaos.

The bed an utter mess, wrappers of seven different candies littered the floor, cola spilled onto the sofa and the rest is indescribable.

I scoffed at myself as I walked out of the room, shutting the door behind me.

All the obnoxious thoughts that seemed to be bothering me immediately flew out the window when the aroma of vanilla pancakes invaded my senses, leaving me hypnotised. Tracing my way to the origin, I reached the breakfast table.

Mum glared at me indicating that I was late.

yet again.

How could they blame me? Raina hadn't even shown up today, which was odd.

I broke my gaze from mum and travelled it to Lucas than Noah giving them a look which screamed, "she's about to lecture me isn't she", as I watched them both stifle their laughs.

And than at last, the culprit of my nightmare, or was it just a nightmare?

A chill ran down my spine as I matched dads glare.

He had his usual smile on his face, clearly awaiting the regular show which was scheduled any moment now.

"Where's Raina?"' I asked as I sat in my seat, not breaking eye contact, it wasn't that the question was directed to him, but I knew if I broke off first than he'd score a point.

If he really was the culprit than he would break, but he didn't, the silly smile on his lips never flattening. Mom broke me out of my daze as she spoke, "you're late. Again", she hissed.

"Hmm", I replied absentmindedly, not giving a damn for I was too busy jumping to conclusions about the terrible nightmare.

As I outstretched my arm to reach the coco pops, a sharp pain erupted onto it as mum slapped it away instantly.

"Rania is sick therefore she took a day off, and hoping that my twelve year old daughter is mature enough to wake up on time herself, I didn't bother knocking on your door. But clearly you don't act your age at all. I will not tolerate this behaviour cupcake", she gritted through her teeth.

Ignoring her for the most part, I fixed my gaze at anything but her, hoping for her to stop her bullshit. I really didn't want to do this right now.

"You cannot just wake up whenever you want and expect us to wait for you for breakfast!", she exclaimed.

I stared blankly at her while I reached for the box yet again, this time successfully grabbing it.

"Than don't", my reply came out snarky, which not only earned me a glare from both my parents but even Lucas and Noah were staring at me, their jaws practically on the floor.


An enormous part of me urging me to throw a choco-pop in Lucas's mouth; visualising it as a basketball hoop but then the more logical part of me dismissed the idea, eventually.

Finally snapping back into reality I decided to rephrase the sentence, trying to break the tension that had built up in the air.

"What I meant was that I've never asked anyone to wait for me at breakfast and neither would I appreciate it for further notice", my voice much softer than when I had previously spoken.

"What has gotten into you?", she questioned seeming horrified.

But not as horrified as I had felt when they slashed that women's cheek. If only she knew what I did, Than she wouldn't have the audacity to question me on my ravishing new behaviour.

"Oh me? Nothing silly, I'm just being honest", I replied, making sure to avoid eye contact as I stared at the Italian description written behind the colourful box, pretending to read it.

But we all knew that I couldn't read Italian for shit. I had flunked it for two consecutive years, after that I decided to replace it with French since I knew that progressing in that language was beyond impossible.

I never understood why my parents wanted me to study Italian anyways. We lived in Australia, Australia for God's sake, why on earth would I need Italian, my parents wanted me to study it because both Lucas and Noah wanted to do so, so I was just forced along. But that clearly didn't last long.

"That is no way to talk to your mother, she's- we're just trying to take care of you", this time dad spoke up, clearly irritated.

This was it.

This was really it.

The last few brain cells left in my brain were advising me against the tantrum that I was about to throw.

But then again- they clearly weren't enough since the words 'were just trying to TaKe CaRe oF YoU' didn't suit dad at all. Not now at least.

I knew I could be overthinking it, I was being pathetic over a dumb dream.

I knew that there was a big fat chance I could be acting beyond paranoid right now,

But there was still a tiny possibility that what I witnessed last night was more than a nightmare.

Let's just call it a gut feeling.

So I went on when I probably shouldn't have.

"Oh yeah?", I scoffed.

"So yelling at me every morning, before I even get a chance to swallow a single bite of my breakfast, is you taking care of me?", I snarled.

I was going to take out everything that was bottled up inside my minion sized body.

Even if that meant letting them know how I didn't appreciate them destroying my mornings schedule and bombarding me with complete nonsense early in the morning.

Way to start a day,


"What-", mom begin but I cut her off to it.

"Taking away my playstation to prove to me that I'm inferior to my brothers, was you taking care of me?"

I locked eyes with mum as she once again tried to speak, "Malaika why would we do such a thing-"

"Oh please, we all know that the both of them play far much more than me, isn't that right? Than why was mine taken away?", I questioned throughly, even while knowing the answer myself.

"Girls your age play with barbie dolls and have tea parties with their toys, not fight and shoot others in violent video games!", dad said, fuelling the flames that he had kept low to rise dangerously high.

"And boys do? You're sexist, You're all sexist. I can damn well do whatever I want. And I do not want to sit like a ragged doll and play with plastic trash or poison my stuffed animals. That is my call. Not yours. Not anyone's.", my voice almost breaking as I finished my sentence from my lack of breath.

"Normal twelve year olds girls don't find murdering amusing, it's something to fear, not to embrace", stunned at the hypocrisy of his words, I hesitantly broke eye contact with mum and replaced her with none other than dad as I continued, "why should I fear killing someone in only a game; when most people don't feel remorse for murdering millions everyday-"

Here goes nothing.

"That too in real life"

I merely whispered, however, I was certain that he had heard me for his features slightly changed with his nose scrunched upwards and eyebrows crunched up closely together, making sure the that his stress lines were clear to view.

However that lasted only a mere second as his facial attributes shifted back to his normal 'I'd rather be anywhere else but here' face as he managed to maintain composure over himself.

"Where is this coming from, draven are you making her watch your stupid movies again", mum sounded much more worried than I had intended to get her.

Breaking eye contact while pouring warm milk into my coco pops I answered, "what on earth do you mean by that mom? Daddy simply asked me for my perspective on the topic. Isn't that right dad?", I challenged, very well knowing if he was the villain than he would show a sign of fear, anything out of the ordinary.

A sense of uncertainty crossed over his features as he hesitantly nodded and immediately changed the topic.

"How did the math test go Noah?", Noah looked around dumbfounded.

"What test?", he asked, still quite shocked over my outburst.

I had to admit so was I, I'm starting to surprise myself quite often nowadays but eh, they deserved it.

They all did. I had caged up my feelings for months, and now finally letting them know how I felt made me feel like a huge burden had been lifted off my fragile shoulders.

Surely it left bruises, but none managed to break me.

After a moment of realisation, at least pretend realisation; he answered, "oh yes, that test- uh- yes ofcourse that one- uh- it was fine", sparing everyone a glance, after matching dads glare, he quickly retrieved and spoke again, "good- I mean- good- yes it was great", he mumbled, a little flustered from the whole conversation.

I had to admit so was I, I'm starting to surprise myself quite often nowadays but eh, they deserved it.

They all did. I had caged up my feelings for months, and now finally letting them know how I felt made me feel like a huge burden had been lifted off my fragile shoulders.

Surely it left bruises, but none managed to break me.

Breakfast was over fairly faster than usual and I left as soon as I could, not wanting my bipolar stupid side to surface yet again and do something I'd regret later.

What had gotten into me!

All this could've been a trance.

A fucking nightmare for all I know.

Jesus, I'm stupid.

But the only thing holding me back from believing it was all a dream was the fact that it all felt so surreal.

After a while of debating over what my next move should be, I decided to do what most do in criminal movies; you trace your way back to the origin of murder.

And than you hunt; for hints, clues, traces, anything really.

Finally making up my mind, I began walking towards the basement instead of my bedroom.

I was very well aware that both Noah and Lucas were supposed to visit a friend of theirs named Ahmed. They gossiped about how Ahmed has gotten a new room and how cool it was. They hadn't stopped talking about it for hours. And they say girls talk a lot. Shame.

I didn't look further into the issue since it didn't hold much importance to me.

Dad headed out before any of us even had a chance to leave the table and I was sure that mum was gonna busy herself inner phone watching some Turkish serial called 'intikam' (revenge).

And as for the best part; all the staff, including the; maids, cooks, drivers, and random servants were all in their quarters since they had finished their tasks of the day and asked mum if they could take the rest of the day of to celebrate mr. smiths (our gardener) new born son, who had been given birth to just yesterday.

Therefore, I knew this was the best time to get my answers and I wasn't going to miss it for the world, but as I stood across the basements door I wasn't so sure of myself anymore.

Images of last night welled up in my head, only adding up to the frustration as I held in the tears, well, the majority of them that is.

Quickly wiping away the few that had managed to escape, I struggled to calm myself down.

My heart was going much too fast for my liking and I felt light headed and nauseous as I reached the knob and gave it a slight twist.

It opened revealing a room with creamy walls and purple shelves on the corner.

It looked like just any other room except it was missing most of the furniture or all of it if I'm being honest.

It was congested with boxes. Don't get me wrong, they didn't resemble the enormous ones from last night instead these were smaller and were placed accordingly.

Each box had a name written on it.

From the looks of it mine held toys and other fluffy things for teddy bears and a slime box were visible resting on top of the opened cardboard box.

I walked downstairs, the crusty stairs now replaced with marble ones.

Everything seemed normal,

Nothing out of the ordinary.

Suddenly I felt the need to scan the room for that shelf that the men entered from but when I swirled around to inspect it I noticed that there was no rusty metal shelf there and defiantly no tools or any other material.

In fact, in the place of the rusty shelf was a wooden crafted shelf, and instead of tools lying here and there, were books, story books to be exact.

Hundreds and hundreds of them.

The fact that the bookshelf was placed exactly where the metal shelf was in my nightmare did throw me off a bit.

I reassured myself that it could have just been a coincidence and decided not to put much thought into it.

Could it all really have been a dream?

Well obviously silly; what else did you expect?


Don't tell me.

You thought you were trapped inside a movie didn't you?

You're so pathetic Malaika.

Does your life really disinterest you to a level where you have to make scenarios in your mind to keep yourself entertained?, my self conscious snarled, much irritated.

"Cupcake come downstairs, we need to talk", mums voice echoed through my ears, loud enough to make my skin crawl in the uprising fear of being caught.

Sparing my surroundings one last glance, I ran back up the stairs and exited the room, shutting the door sharply as I jumped at the sudden sound,

"Malaika where on earth are you?", she questioned nearing the place I stood.

I swiftly ran the stairs and out the premises of the basement; making sure to close the door behind me as I absentmindedly sprinted towards the kitchen and pulled the fridge open. Pretending to search for snacks as I felt her footsteps behind me.

She cleared her throat, indicating me of her presence and I turned around making sure to cover the flushed horror on my face with a shocked expression, to really make her buy my act.

I guess drama classes really did some good, though spending two extra hours after school wasn't exactly my idea of being productive and so I was forced to, I don't recall putting much fight over it through, I mean a girl can't always gets what she wants.

Placing a hand over my chest, I exhaled harshly and I watched her eyes soften. "Mum.. You scared me", I said in a mere whisper but loud enough for her to hear it without her thinking that I wanted her to hear it.

Confusing right?

I feel the exact same way.

Trust me.

"About what happened at breakfast..", she trailed off.

She seemed a little too interested in something that wasn't even supposed to be taken that seriously. I expected everyone to have forgotten my little breakdown at the breakfast table.

But I was clearly mistaken.

"Don't worry mum, I'm sorry, I didn't want to offend you and I'll make sure to work on my behaviour", I summarised everything I knew she would ask as I grabbed a shiny red apple and closed the fridge.

Before walking out I caught a glimpse of her face, she looked almost stunned as if she had predicted getting an apology out of me would've been hard.

I mean it would've been but I was seriously not in the mood for anyone's bullshit, instead I wanted to rush back to my room debate over if I should celebrate the fact it was just a nightmare or be concerned about mum's behaviour.

I walked back to her and hugged her, than instantly ripped myself from her before she could hug me back and ran out of the kitchen and back to my bedroom.

As I laid back on the bed, a sign of relief escaped my lips;

It was just a nightmare.

One hell of a fucking nightmare.
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