I'm alone

(2)

The Hashashin Community

Our third friend Ahmed called me and said that he and Mazen are with Magdy at home and that we should go to them if we are free, I told him that I am with Islam and we will be with them within a quarter of an hour. I kept talking in my head and I was all the time in which there was no interaction talking in my head and running away from the house being Completely empty, I hate loneliness and depression, searching for everything that separates me from myself and takes away from it and the other was among the tools for that.

Ahmed is the son of the Imam of the Mosque and the elder of the village, who is two years older than me. He has many problems with his family and his father, especially because his thoughts are alien to him and do not revere what he reveres. He always confronts his father and discusses with him because of Mosque sermons.

We got to the bottom of the house and wandered out. Ahmed was going down the stairs quickly, so I said to him: What is there? Didn’t you walk so fast?

He said: My father is waiting for me, I do not know why? He called me and he yelled a lot

So I said to him: Reassure me when it’s over and we’ll sit here

He nodded and was very sad and upset. He returned to his house, found his father waiting for him at their gate and grabbed his hand and they entered together and said to him: Are you an atheist? My son, I am an atheist, son of the sheikh of the mosque and the imam of the village

His mother was standing very fanatic until she approached him and slapped him in the face and said: There is only shams that tempted you into disbelief, these are not your thoughts, it is impossible to get out of my crucifixion like this person

His father said: People threaten me with you and say that I should not reveal or lead people again because I cannot control the belief of my son who has disbelieved

Ahmed said: Who told you that? They want a wedge between me and you, or that the sheikhs want to take your place and your position in the village and the mosque

His father said: Relatives of your mother and my relatives told me that

Ahmed said: Why don’t you face me when I know them by their destiny? Every person should only care about his condition and not care about me!

His father said, “Leave you from this nonsense, and you will pray next Friday in the mosque, and all the prayers in the mosque. By your way, our livelihood will be cut off and those who spend on you will be cut off.

He went to his room and did not respond to him, sat on his bed and started thinking whether to do something against his convictions or not? Is he fake and his ideas are antics in discussions only? Is sticking to his ideas a fanatic and rigid thing? But he convinced himself not to be in the village on Friday or to protest Anything. He can no longer go to his friends. For him, a friend is someone to whom you tell your suicidal, taboo, sexual, creative, belief, suspicions and denials, whoever is not veiled in front of him or afraid of his opinion, who enters with you in your psychological struggle and sacrifices part of his potential energy to ugliness, who does not advise you about anything and who helps you to be psychologically independent About all people and everything, and those who do not prevent you from committing suicide or from any strange act, and they are both.

He took a thought about who told his father, who told him? Certainly it is this boy who used to mess around with them in order to disagree, not because of their ideas, and this is what his little sister confirmed when she entered his room, so he asked her: Who said I am an atheist? She told him: Someone from the “Shawish “family told his mother about everything that is going on in your discussions and he said that you are infidels and his mother is not recommended. I told your mother and your mother I told your father and the news spread in the village and you know the theme of these matters in the village how they spread. He could not go out this time to meet us in order not to provoke His father’s grudge and so as not to provoke him more.

Islam and I went up to Magdy and Mazen and we sat laughing, but I was worried about him and did not want to contact him so as not to disturb him or cause him embarrassment in front of his father. I left him if he wanted to speak so let him speak.

Magdy was a graduate of the Faculty of Science, from a large family in the village and he loved chemistry and physics very much, he was a lonely son and his father was in the first floor of the house, restless and not moving after he was not staying anywhere. Magdy was dreaming of changing people’s brains and he was telling us what he would do next To smoke hashish. He had crazy, miraculous, non-commercial prophecies about the fate of the world, although they are extraordinary illusions as I have always called them.

As for Mazen, he was lost and confused, the most disturbed was a teacher of the Arabic language and the eldest of all of us. He traveled for a long time and went to prison for being a communist once and for being an extremist, but now he is very calm except for insulting and insulting religion in particular, which he always repeats in his hadiths. All people have forbidden children.

Mazen: Do you have hashish, or did you go with it to no avail?

Magdy: Of course he is with him, as he is not without drugs in his pocket

I told them: Yes, I have

So Mazen said: Oh God, thank you

Magdy: pure hashish or with antiepileptics added as I analyzed it once

So Mazen said before I uttered: It does not matter, the important thing is that it smells of hashish. Do not analyze hashish for us, we want to eat it, where is it?

I took it out of my pocket, so Mazen got up and took it and said: My absolute exile in a loud voice

Magdy said: When the Arabic language is combined with a hallucinatory mind, it has other connotations, Haha

He put him on the table and started cutting it in order to prepare him as cigarettes for us to smoke, he was very fast in rolling and skillful, as soon as he rolled a cigarette and fondled it and said: Go, cow eye, Chemistry and Physics Ha

Magdy started smoking, so Mazen said to him while wrapping another cigarette: What do you want to do in the world and with a person?

Magdy: I found a way to eradicate all the imaginations from the heads as much as possible, not completely, so that people can think. I found a biological method, since I am the master of reality. This is the amusement of my imagination. I will start using poison or elixir on simple people whose imaginations do not produce tangible products, but from here my struggle with poets and maintenance in composition.

So I said to him: Is using people with their knowledge to research ethical, and is using them in research without their knowledge unethical?

Majdy: But I serve all humanity with my research - he said this arrogantly - and he believed in it.

Mazen said: What do you think about changing the chemistry of people so that they are always overwhelmed with cannabis involuntarily

Magdy said firmly: I debated the matter with myself a lot, but in the end I ended it with the conviction within me of the usefulness of doing this to rid people of pain where all the pain resides in the same possibility. Biologically, instead of being machines disrupted by fear and power.

Mazen: Never try it on me, I have a civilization in my mind that will destroy the largest civilizations in the world

Magdy: Maybe, Mazen Haha, let’s try it on Islam Haha, where is it?

Mazen: He went to sleep a little

Magdy: Oh, he sleeps over there and comes here to sleep. I will get up for a walk. Will someone come with me?

Mazen: I will come with you

And I said to him: I will also come

He said: Let us first hear your view of the world after smoking Hashish, O shams, be silent a lot, give us metaphors.

So I said: The hashish community is a strange society that only includes us, and whoever wants to enter we do hashish tests for him .. Every person in it in ecstasy becomes a narcissistic god who welcomes anything he tells and laughs at as it happens now and is welcoming to any being that he poses from a god to an animal. We participate in order to buy hashish and sit in an abandoned place in the dark except from a simple light. Every time someone prepares cigarettes. Rituals of ecstasy talking about the concepts of repressed and including or on top of it sex. You will be the revered imam of the session because you know the Arabic language well

Mazen laughed very much and all laughed

He told me: When was the first session?

So I said to him: Very soon

I continued talking in my head, as for Islam, the character who never talks when she gets high, and I was very surprised. This day he had to interrogate him until we forget the matter and start another story and we forget and start another story and forget. The name came to my mind while I smoked hashish once, why not have a community ? We sit in it together and I see a malicious intention, what happens to people from its impact? How do drinkers comply with it and what makes them feel and speak.

I listened to many methods, all of which were ways in which the self was wasted by its intense, strong, pent-up emotions. While I was obsessed with constant insanity that I was feeling. I used to play the role of madmen and be happy with them all. Very possibly repressed, this is more real than all apparent conscious practices. Despite my residing in the imagination, my subconscious was void in comparison to what hashish does to me, and every time my behavioral outputs were new, especially the expressive writing. I lived with his Greek and Roman gods and emotionally understood and embraced everything in it. Spinning with them. hashish was another vain like all the other absurdities I used to contend with my existence and its reckless bug.

I am a person devoid of sanctification due to the abundance and intensity of affiliation. I cannot believe nor can I be one constant in my whole life, I know that this is dangerous for my continued existence in the world but nevertheless I do not do anything about it. My self was dispersed in thought and my sentiments were separated from the multitude of inspirations, inspirations and perceptions Imaginative. Violent with everything that mixes with me, to reassure me and desperate to dysfunction and rejection, and I do not know anything about assigning anything in the world, even the sensual, I have begun to disbelieve it. If people treat me as one, they will find severe contradictions. But if people treat me as a number, they will not find an anomaly, but an analogy of The gender of being is where there is nothing in it because nothing can overtake the monism except it. I do not know how to obey any authority of its invisible types as well. I escaped from objectification with mental mysticism and fled from the utter irrationality of the no. I easily disbelieve because of anxiety over my unintended worship of my ego and societal ego or paradox. I have no normative or conceptual assays that I take except the abstraction that goes deep into the origins of things. I have suicidal tendencies that I never hide despite promises of reflection Mythology by deity in ecstasy.

Our custom was to walk between our village and the neighboring villages on the right and left, or walk in the agricultural lands, talking while walking through all our concepts, facts and illusions.

When we got down from the stairs, we found a “fly”, a central figure in the village, sitting on the terrace in front of the house, without morals, without religion, hypocritical to a large extent, and my access, etc. and everyone knows that and he was like a radio transmitting speech between all people and all people. To wish to those who have authority, so that it is said that because of his great talk, they sat him on a bottle in the end and he no longer talks about them.

He said, and this sentence was famous to him: Habibi and Walad Habibi, how are you?

She wanted to know any news about us, in order to pass it on, and so he would continue walking in the village to find out about the people’s news. All the people were “his dear ones,” and no one loved him at all, despite the enormity of his body, he was very afraid of someone who insulted him or called him by name even though he was thirty.

He said: How is your father?

Magdy said to him: Good, so he grabbed his hand and took it away and said to him: I wanted you on a subject, I want some money from you, and he did not complete his sentence until my glory said to him: From where? Magdy did not show interest and walked away, and after a short period of silence, we found Ahmed in the range, walking his usual walk, but very sad as if he was carrying a rock and he did not know what to do with it. We did not know that he came to know whether we are infidels or not? The rumor reached him and he wanted to spread it. Really help spread it.

Ahmed used to decide to hide what his father told him, but he should not be seen with them again in a heavy way so as not to cause problems, even though he was very stubborn, but he tries not to be strict in dealing with his father.

Mazen asked him in his exalted classical Arabic: “What is wrong with you, boy?” Your ears fall like a fugitive demon?

And Ahmed did not respond, and he looked at him, so Mazen’s voice fell silent, and he said to him gently again: What is wrong with you? what happened?

Ahmed replied, his voice choked: Nothing. I only quarreled with my father

I said to him: Calm down and tell us

He replied: Nothing to tell you, weed?

I told him: I still have a piece of it. We smoked it a while ago and I saved a portion for you. Do you take it or smoke it in the dark on the agricultural road?

He said: We smoke it, I do not want to be alone

Magdy put on his arm shoulder and hugged him, and he nodded to Mazen to stop joking and we walked Mazen trying to play comedic roles for us and mocking the village elders, a man who was very afraid of them, and the houses had bathrooms except the mosque, so he called to his neighbor at the top of his voice in the middle of the night: Oh Abdul Hamid Abdel Hamid, come to urinate in the mosque.

From the influence of the hashish, Mazen began telling myths in his mind from the fictional house that burns on the horizon to the bars that go into his body. He was very frightened until we reached the mulberry tree where many of our conversations took place, and that mulberry tree was said in the village that it is inhabited by a frightening fairy that kills people And kidnapped them to depths of up to 6 meters and very branched until the genie killed the grandfather of Magdy, and the story is that he grabbed the fairy by its neck and clutched it with an old dagger that he inherited from his ancestors, and in front of the tree there was a branch from the Nile, and in that particular area everyone who descended was drowning and this actually happened more than once Mythological thinking began to work a lot in people’s brains.

Mazen said: I do not reassure except here. I feel more at home

Then Magdy said a few seconds later, in a faint voice while wrapping a hashish cigarette, “The night, my friend of inebriation, comfort for thoughts and feelings, the night is for God, and hot tea and hashish that keep you lying on the surface of the world, and the” Saqqara “treasure that accompanies hairs like honey on an empty stomach, the night for exposure and disclosure, For the hell that you do not touch, why do you want to see, the night is for the underlining and the financier struck, and the oil of darkness falls on your chest, in which your sweetheart is concealed. Last, the night for me is not for anyone else

Mazen said: The night is for disbelief in the world in the heart, for the defeated faith in the Lord, in the spirit of power with full will to love and see again, for asceticism in jumping off the walls of prisons, and destroying the lustful instinct to madness.

I don’t know if I am alive or feeling. ”

Ahmed said: I do not want to go back to this house again. This sheikh torments me psychologically

Mazen said: Try to meet with him in thoughts and feelings

Ahmed: You cannot learn my nature, for I am neither lying nor hypocritical

Mazen: You are forced to do that

Magdy: It is very difficult for you to live this way in this world, you will lose everything with this harmful frankness. Your father is ready to lie to him and he wants you to do so

So I said to him: You must lie, or not a lie, maneuvering, concealing the truth, maintaining the forbidden ceiling in society and not exceeding it

Ahmed: I am free, I am free in my life

Mazen said while interrupting me: You live in a society and you have relationships with people, and these relationships are determined by your standards and their standards are not your only standards, I am not telling you to peel off yourself, no, but to take care of them only.

Ahmed said: Okay, I will try and see if I will succeed or not. He kept silent and said to Magdy: Have you finished rolling the cigarette?

Magdy said: Yes, take it and give it to him and he kept smoking while we were sitting on the shore of the Nile looking at the water that slowly passes in front of us, each one of us in his absolute kingdom, straying in his depths.

Until someone spoke ceaselessly, “These days I feel a profound loneliness. A loneliness like a cage at night lost among the prisons of the earth and wandering at dawn lost among the heavens. The pleasure of self-destruction is like the pleasure of operatic music or like my disgusting pleasure descending into the world from the motherly womb first and from the linguistic womb again.” I injured myself a lot and I do not hide there are some charming moments every time for no reason appear while I am behind the veils of my veil living in my imagination. Nothing escapes my hunger for a confused, no book, no one, there is no God. I find it very difficult in life and the daily practice and I am drowning a lot in even distraction I do not feel my whole body and I am floating between interconnected colors. My intuition is completely yellowed, I do not expect anything but this tragic vortex over and over again. I do not know sometimes I am completely non-existent, I do not speak any language and do not think anything. A hand does not polish me from nothing, because all hands are afraid of approaching, or honestly, I do not approach anyone from the distance that brings me closer to his direct identity and to his direct identity.

And he got up from his sitting with difficulty and walked away, and no one spoke about us at all.

I did not sleep tonight despite staying on the bed for five hours, tossing and turning, and there is no cure for this anxiety for Ahmed, Mazen and Majdy as well. I did not know what to do with it? And what happened with his father? I turned everything in my head and stopped that I must know what is going on with his father, but how do I know