I'm alone

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I went out alone at the age of six to go for a walk and visit those who left me; I had overwhelming nostalgia for my mother and father, so I went to visit them. And this affection for them increases when I suffocate myself so I go to talk to them. Cemeteries in the middle of the farmland are pregnant with many aesthetics of people and I am also pregnant with ugly people, only dogs bark and peasants who run a machine Their water was on the lands. I was surprised by their unusual look at me and their failure to return peace or good morning. After the death of my father and mother in a car accident and my survivors, there were no relatives who asked except every while from afar, and I have set limits since they died in interfering in my affairs

I entered without saying anything until I reached the cemetery and started talking: Peace be upon you mom, peace be upon you father. I am fine, everything is fine but I found myself suffocating and came to you, to my lost shelter in a foul land. I stopped talking when I heard a coughing sound. From far away, until he approached and entered between the two burials, Magdy’s father was

He told me: Hello dear

I told him: Welcome, uncle

He said, “What are you doing here, my son, at this time?”

I said: I found myself suffocating, so I came to visit my father and my mother, and I tell them my tragedy after their death

He said: Do not you, my son, I came to Majdi’s mother, recite to her Al-Fatiha and I have finished

I said: May God have mercy on them all

He said: Come, my son, to leave and support me

I stood beside him and held his hand and we walked silently for a while until we got out of the cemetery and began to talk non-stop: Why, my son, no one asks about me from my friends or my family? Have I become so neglected and worthless? Just as little as I did all of my life, I did nothing but good for people and nobody remembers that.

I said to him: No, uncle, you are important in the lives of many people, and especially in the life of Magdy. He loves you very much and appreciates you very much, and his psychological existence depends on your presence.

He said: I know, Magdy is very good, and his character is like his mother’s temper

So I told him: Yes, it is, one of the best I have known

He said: It is true, my son, take note. There are rumors about you five that you are infidels. I heard this from someone and he said it in order to embarrass me with my glory or to blame me with that, but I did not answer him with anything. I will tell him only to wake up from sleep on that and warn the rest of Islam, Mazen and Ahmed

I said: Oh my God, who said that about us? Is this true?

He said: I do not know, my son

I said: That is why people look at me with disapproval, and I did not know what is happening. You know that my connection with people is mostly cut off except for them.

He said: Take your mind, my son. People are more contemptible than you can imagine. Everyone who thinks is calling him so, everyone who violates their norms and beliefs.

I said: If our disbelief, they will become our blood after that

He said: This is what I mean, it is preferable for you to stay away from each other for a while and not see with each other, deepen your realistic relationships and pay little attention to religious appearances

We were silent a little and he said to me: Leave me here, tell Mazen, Islam and Ahmed, and do not let them be afraid, if your families support you, nothing will happen and no one will approach you.

We had arrived near his home, so I left his thin hand and said to him: Goodbye, uncle

He said: I will tell my glory too, may God protect you, my son

I walked distracted, not knowing what to do, nor to whom to go? And I faced the fact that I have no ties with people completely, no one from my father’s family and my mother’s family will support me, and I think that the families of my friends will not support them except for my glory and his kind and gentle father. Although he lives in his kingdom by changing people’s imaginations and making them machines, he will not pay attention to that and he will ignore the matter as usual, but I know people and I know Their way of thinking, and I experienced that after the death of my father and mother, how did they want to snip me and take everything they left behind when I heard with my ears, “He didn’t die like that with them?” Many hadiths in my head. Is this what worries Ahmed? Is this the reason for his quarrel with his father? I think so and I think he did not want to tell us but whoever did our conversations. I will call him to find out, I caught the phone and started calling

Ahmed replied in a muffled voice: Good morning

I replied: Good morning, where are you? I want to see you

He said: Meet me after ten minutes at the tree

I was interested in talking but he closed the line, I changed my direction instead of the house to the tree, but I went out from the agricultural road so that no one would see me and start looking and talking secretly about me. I did not want to feel this. I got to the tree quickly and after a few minutes Ahmed arrived and said to me: Sorry to close the line They are watching me at home

I said, “Didn’t they watch you?”

He said: Nothing

So I said: I knew about something that we are infidels, so there is no need for you to hide anything

He said: How did you know?

I said: Do you think that something like this will hide in the hearts of the people? You know the farmers and their words about everything, and this is a vital topic that they will want to publish and talk about

He said: I do not know what to do? Isn’t it enough for me the pain of thought and the meaning of everything? I eat myself and they want to eat as well

So I said: Calm down

He said: My father wants to remove me from you, your meeting has been banned again. You know that he does not want to believe that his son thinks in another way alone, he must be someone who seduced him by this while you are concerned with the temptation in order not to put the possibility that from his crucifixion came out an unbeliever

So I said: Do not worry, we will solve the matter, if this is the case, then it is not necessary for us to meet for a while and I will inform Mazen and Islam. Now go back to the house so that your father does not suspect anything, and I will tell them, but do you know who told us?

He said: Yes, it is Abraham, the boy who came to sit with us in order to be different

So I said: Oh, I see now

I called Mazen while Ahmed walked home and when I told him that he was Ibrahim, this boy who wanted to be different

He said: I will take our injection from him, do not worry, he was present the day we were talking about the torment of the grave and he certainly said to his gossip mother

Ahmed returned to the house and found his father waiting for him and another sheikh, whom it seemed to him that he had come for him, was preparing perfumes, firewood and strange things, but he did not pay them attention, so he entered his room until his father called him and told him that he lives in it and that this sheikh and he is going to get him out now, Ahmed is severely fanatic about this Speech, but settled on a funny, sinister idea and their neighbors and said to them: Come on, let go of a genie.

He was a jinni. They took him out of me and he started writhing with his body on the ground, so the fake sheikh, who was a friend of his father and he was a failure in the call, went to get the jinn out of people in order to earn his livelihood until he became very rich by saying Qur’anic verses, so Ahmed slowly calmed them down to delude them of the effectiveness of what was happening and they threw it on the destiny that was They put roses and salt oil in it, so Taraqa and Ahmed writhed again, so Ahmed got up and hit the sheikh on the face while he was chanting standing up, and he played louder, so Ahmed hit him on the face, and the sheikh said: What is this violent jinni!

Ahmed did not find meaning in all this and he did not know what he was doing or what he should do? He just messes and matches their myths. He was facing the child inside him, the tortured child and the nostalgia to the transparent life in childhood, the form of God and his first image in him. Inside him, his estrangement from everything in him and everything that he realizes after collecting all these ideas in books.

Magdy woke up from his sleep bored until his father arrived and saw him and said to him: I want you in something glorious

Magdy said: Is there anything, Dad?

His father: Yes, son, wash your face, and come, I am in my room, waiting for you

Magdy washed his face thinking what had happened, and what his father wanted? He went to his room and sat in front of him, and his father said to him: There is talk in the village that you and your friends are infidels. Magdy laughed very much and could not resist with laughter and said to his father: Indeed, infidels haha

His father said: Yes, my son, and the matter is serious and serious, if the matter is funny to you, it does not matter, but your friends are hurt

He said: How are they affected, I know them well, the last concern of people’s words

His father said: But they have families, and do not forget that Ahmed’s father is the sheikh of the village and you are also not liked because you are not interested in anything other than these chemicals and most of you are as well.

Magdy said: How did you know and who gave this to us?

His father said: It is this boy Ibrahim who has been sitting with you for a long time. Take care, my son, and stop insulting a little and mocking their sanctities.

Magdy said: My father is present.

He got up to his room thinking, his eyes were going everywhere, he was anxious unusually but not much. His eyes were moving everywhere and he wanted to smoke hashish.

And the conversation is going on in his head. He is worried about these ignorant, ignorant people. If they gather, they will tire them out very much, and it is possible to actually kill them. Their ignorance protects them from any understanding, any remorse, from any possible humanity and tolerance. What they told Ahmed should do now, perhaps the solution is Islam, so he is The only one among them who can deal with them. Ahmed is stubborn, Mazen is indifferent, and the shams of his relatives hate him and are waiting for anything to get rid of.

As for me, I had a nostalgia these days for the flowers that I was caring for and the dove that I used to prepare his nest for whenever it fell, and for the primitive man in the early childhood that I was on, and this nostalgia exhausts me very much and makes me very troubled and vulnerable despite my mentally refusing to bring in the child who always lives in me and savors his beautiful life And compare that to my current life. I remember my mother telling me, “I was young for hours and you did not have these devilish thoughts in your head. The world was not cruel, and thought shattered identity and aesthetic, I did not know!

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